milanlover Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 (edited) So I have been dating this guy for 7 weeks, met 5 times but including having dinner outside then coming back to his or my place to sleep over then went out the next day, quite long distance since we lived in different cities, he's in London, I'm somewhere else but I have family in London so I come there every weekend. We had proper date, even clubbing together, met my friends, met his family, his family liked me, he liked that. We had amazing chemistry, had hot sex. Since the beginning he was really really keen, he texted me everyday when he got off work till sleep, sometimes in morning or during lunch break at work, would call me if the topic we talked was confusing, made careful plans, very responsible and always explained things. He did say he liked me, yet he was very careful with his words and said he did not want to lead me on and he wanted to take things slow. And he made it clear since the beginning that he was only seeing one person at the time and he expected it from me. I was quite a female player before but then he turned everything around and now I'm quite into him and committed. He said about 3 weeks ago that he felt right and I shouldn't be worried about anything. But after our 5 dates 2 weeks ago, he started his busy period because he had to learn the qualification for his job, if he fails he will lose job. So now he can only check in with me a few times a day via texts. The last time we met he already said that he would not go off the radar and when I offered a break till his exam finished he got angry because he thought I couldnt do it with him. So we agreed to be dating as normal. But then there was a period I did not know whats going on with him, he barely talked anymore, so I kinda freaked out, I had emotional instability, very sensitive, so I was convinced that he reduced contact with me just to disappear one day. Then he immediately assured me that we would be okay, we would have time later in summer and hoped I understood his situations. He emphasized that it was not him breaking off with me. After that he made efforts to be more attentive, when I texted he replied right away saying he was busy and would talk as soon as he was done with his work. And he was more loving in his texts, saying he was thinking about me. Now this person was not a verbally affectionate guy so I kinda joked that it'd be nice to know if I got something over him to keep him coming back to me. I was waiting for some affectionate response but then I felt really bad cuz right after that his family had some problems too, his mom got into hospital. And I felt like I was demanding too much from him too early. Now he was really having a lot a lot on his plate. He said if I was in need of attention, he couldn't give it to me especially right now, and he was sorry that he couldn't give me the attention I deserved. And I told him that I supported him unconditionally and nevertheless Im still a friend and if he ever needs anything he just gives me a call. And he thanked me, he said he was alright, just not in the mood to talk or think about anything else (regarding my joke about his not being affectionate), still not saying that he should stop dating or anything, still Xx at the end of his long texts as usual. After that I just told him to focus on his things and take me off his mind, and that I would be around. Now we was planning to see each other next weekend, but since his family is like this, I'm not very sure. But I think in summer in June it will be better, but it will mean we will have a two months break. So what do you think of this situation? Do you think he's serious? Do you think this will have the potential to last? Do you think I should lay low and wait till he's ready again? How do I know if he sees me as his future girlfriend or not?? Now my problem with his busy schedule and giving no attention is that I think I start to fall for him... and my personality is that if I fall for someone it's really hard for me to let go and I'm afraid of losing him too. So it hurts not to be able to reach him I guess I just need some support... that I'm not alone here? That I should be strong? Huhu help! Edited April 29, 2014 by milanlover
acrosstheuniverse Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 I don't buy that being busy is an excuse not to be in touch. It can prevent people from being able to physically meet but unless they are staying in a place with no reception a person will still make time to call and text somebody they are crazy about. I should know, I usually work 70 hrs per week plus studying and volunteering and yet I find time during the day to text the people I love, even if it's while I'm using the bathroom! Honestly, his 'sorry I can't give you the attention you need' is a big red flag. I sense a 'you'd be better off with someone who can make you happy' right around the corner. Also you shouldn't have said take your mind of me, I'll still be around when you're ready. That's a massive turn off IMO. It's only been seven weeks, either he puts some effort into building your relationship and keeping you interested or you should be off dating others. It makes you sound like a doormat and like you value yourself very lowly.
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