JourneyLady Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 Ah... I won't use the word love, because that would be silly; we don't know each other well enough yet. Just that... I find myself thinking about the guy too much. Things are progressing at a nice easy pace and I'm keeping it light-hearted... But underneath, I feel a little panicked. My thinking is that it's a sort of PTSD from other relationships (and non-relationships) that have gone wrong the last six years. I don't expect the guy to be perfect, but so far I haven't found any flaws worth mentioning. To top it off, we are dating more traditionally (he pays for everything, though I have offered more than once), and haven't even made out yet, much less had sex. All of which I am fine with. I'm just... not used to it, even if it is the way I wanted things to be. I am *very* appreciative and gave a little gift that was meaningful in return -- but not so personal that it signifies anything but that appreciation. I know some would say I should also be dating others, but first I don't have that kind of time available and second, I don't want to be trolling for other people to date and make him think he's backup. It's not time to have that discussion yet though. This is that inbetween stage when you haven't dived in fully yet, but it sure looks like you're stepping on the board! I find my moods changing back and forth when I'm not around him. While I'm with him on a date, all is fine, I'm calm and light-hearted. When I'm not (and not concentrating on work) I find myself crushing... then telling myself to stop it... then laughing, then sort of sad because I don't feel free to fully enjoy it like I used to when I was more naive and always thought every relationship was going to last. (He has no idea of any of this...) I just want to know if others have been through this, how you handled it, and how things ended up...
Mrin Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 Yes but different from you. Or maybe the same but different words. I don't panic per se but what I noticed happens is that I am all good and cruising along. Then I realize that I have feelings for her that developed quicker than I thought. Then I guess I yo yo back and forth and the likelihood of me just tossing in the towel goes way up. Which is really odd given the fact that I should be more invested. Defense mechanism maybe. Maybe raised expectations or standards that aren't met. I dunno. It is kind of a dangerous time for me honestly when it should be one of the most glorious. Does that make any sense? 1
Lyn77 Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 I know exactly what you mean! I've been there..I think we just sort of pick up on the energy of other people and having a crush as an adult is so much fun...and perfectly normal. It's exciting, relax and enjoy it. Keep your mind away from "love" if it's still too soon. If you're like I was, you might start to wonder if perhaps the thoughts of this guy are consuming you! Lol.. Stick to your normal routine and keep doing the things you love, don't let those fall to the side. I also get what you mean by not dating others. You don't have to agree with each other, to be exclusive, at this point. It's okay to choose that for yourself for now, but I would refrain from having that discussion with him. 1
milanlover Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 I panic too. I have fallen in love with a guy after 2 months of dating and now he''s way too busy to give me the attention I need for my love. So I'm dying a bit inside and I cry a lot but he never knows. Well, I still have to be cheerful and show him that I support him because now I have come to care about so much already. I think I've fallen for a trap lol 1
onlyjs Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 I'm kinda in the same boat. Met an amazing guy I was instantly attracted too - and that's rare - and we have had a great time and spent lot of quality time, and today he hit me with the "love" word - I'm just saying, NERVOUS. Same as you. On one hand - prayers answered - on the other hand - too fast! Good luck - I love liking someone. 1
babycakees Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 I am going through the exact same thing as you right now. I've been seeing a guy for about a month and a half and we've been taking things really slow. We haven't made out yet either but I find myself really liking the way things are slowly progressing and I find myself smiling a lot too. I also get a little bit of panic inside because of things from the past and fear the same thing will happen. I'm trying to tell myself to just sit back and enjoy it, but it's hard. 1
VeronicaRoss Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 Go find a copy of 'Women Who Love Too Much' by Robin Norwood. She describes it all. Good luck, and stay away from the guy. You won't be able to act sanely around someone you're already over-reacting too. Save both of you the misery.
Author JourneyLady Posted April 29, 2014 Author Posted April 29, 2014 Oh my goodness. Thank you ALL so much. You have helped me feel "normal" instead of quite so out of whack... I'll continue to keep things light. We had a little conversation back and forth all day and it seems I will see him tomorrow. I invited him to something though and he has not yet replied (probably will tomorrow) and I find myself in a little bit of a worry about whether I invited him to something too soon... Probably just me being a worry wart though. ha! I keep reminding myself that if some little thing like that drives him off, he wasn't really into me as much as he seems anyhow. But I think I'm over-analyzing because I'm so into him. And yes, I know it's too early for the talk just yet. Besides, I want it to come from him, not from me... I'm a strong-willed woman, but I am letting the guy take the lead on this. It's the only way I can be secure in a relationship anymore, by letting a man initiate at his own pace concerning that. Again, thanks. LS is wonderful sometimes!
Author JourneyLady Posted April 29, 2014 Author Posted April 29, 2014 Go find a copy of 'Women Who Love Too Much' by Robin Norwood. She describes it all. Good luck, and stay away from the guy. You won't be able to act sanely around someone you're already over-reacting too. Save both of you the misery. That's a bit overdramatic... There's nothing wrong with him and I will be fine once we've established who we are to each other. I've been in an insane relationship before and this feels nothing at all like that. Anyway, I've already read the book and it is far from what I'm feeling this time around. I'm just not used to taking things slow. I know I need to. I know he needs to. It's not like the dating I did before, where I was jumping right into relationship because of overwhelming physical attraction and guys that just wanted to get into it quick. But this "tentative" feeling is not what I'm used to. It's not overwhelming. It's like... seeing something gift-wrapped on your parent's table and you think it's for you, but you're not sure (it's unlabeled) and you can't unwrap it yet. Desire while having to develop much patience... I've read the book. Does not apply here. Sorry. That would be more like my last relationship that lasted five years. This isn't the same animal at all... In fact it's far less "animal" than anything I've ever been in. 1
acrosstheuniverse Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 I think it's pretty normal to feel this way about somebody when you're been on a handful of dates and been seeing them for a few weeks or more? Many serious/longterm relationships began with both people meeting their prospective partner and not bothering to date around anymore because they both just knew and felt that they wanted to pursue things with that one person more first. But it can be an uncomfortable period when nothing is defined and you're not sure how it's going to pan out. I used to do stupid little things like change their name in my phone to something like 'dip****' or whatever, anything uncomplimentary but joking. I think once when I really liked a guy I even changed it to 'danger' haha. I don't know why, but it worked. Every time they got in touch I kinda had that split second to notice the name then take a second and think before letting my heart leap that they were making contact! I'm not saying it's not weird but it helped me on occasion
BikerAccnt Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 From a guys persepective, yes we feel it too. I've been dating this wonderful woman for about 2 months now, and I just can't believe how quickly I've taken to her. It is actually scaring me a bit. She's constantly in my head and I swear I walk around with a stupid **** eating grin on my face all day long! After one failed marriage, a failed live in situation, I think I'm panicking and worrying about what may be, rather than being able to totally just let things flow and enjoy the moments. I find myself busy thinking about needing to strike the "right balance" rather than just being me. So yeah, I guess I'm panicking. And I think the big reason I'm panicking, is she REALLY seems to like me too! 1
LordVader Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 I almost have a crush on a girl I only talked to twice Stopping looking at her is going to get a bit painful now when I start that this weekend, thats how close the crush is.
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