romantic1389 Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 Age: Me, 25, her 23. Length: 3 months (I've had longer relationships where I haven't felt this way about a girl before) OK, so a tad bit of history: she is kind of in a depressed state because she has no job and isn't going to school. She also has Lupus, which causes her pain daily. The problem: We were in love, but lately she has been asking if we can just be friends because she isn't ready for an emotional relationship right now. She feels really bad and guilty about it. We took things kind of fast in the relationship. I took her to vegas a little over a month ago, and that's when we first made love. I felt something there with this girl, I just don't understand why she is falling out of love with me. She doesn't feel the same way right now. It's incredibly hard for me to take right now, because I thought this girl was the one. I have never felt this way about anyone. How do I best handle being her friend or this situation? She is nervous about meeting me tomorrow because she doesn't want to keep leading me on, and she says she doesn't want to face the consequences of ending the relationship. I assured her that there is no pressure tomorrow. I know she loved me at one point, but it's not there right now. How do I get her back? tl;dr: Depressed girlfriend is questioning our relationship! What do I do!?
Natsume21 Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 Age: Me, 25, her 23. Length: 3 months (I've had longer relationships where I haven't felt this way about a girl before) OK, so a tad bit of history: she is kind of in a depressed state because she has no job and isn't going to school. She also has Lupus, which causes her pain daily. The problem: We were in love, but lately she has been asking if we can just be friends because she isn't ready for an emotional relationship right now. She feels really bad and guilty about it. We took things kind of fast in the relationship. I took her to vegas a little over a month ago, and that's when we first made love. I felt something there with this girl, I just don't understand why she is falling out of love with me. She doesn't feel the same way right now. It's incredibly hard for me to take right now, because I thought this girl was the one. I have never felt this way about anyone. How do I best handle being her friend or this situation? She is nervous about meeting me tomorrow because she doesn't want to keep leading me on, and she says she doesn't want to face the consequences of ending the relationship. I assured her that there is no pressure tomorrow. I know she loved me at one point, but it's not there right now. How do I get her back? tl;dr: Depressed girlfriend is questioning our relationship! What do I do!? Let's see here. You date a depressed girl with an illness for 3 months, you fall more in love, she starts falling more out of love. She gives you the "Let's be friends" thing. When it comes to love, people are either in it or not. The confusion between usually is a bad sign. First thing first, start accepting that this girl is dumping you. Not essentially, not technically. SHE'S DUMPING YOU. Why is she asking you to "Just be friends." Let's consider a few options. 1. She is using you as a backup if by chance, she's grown interested in someone else and it doesn't work out. 2. She is looking for a new boyfriend and doesn't want to be lonely till that point. Either way, both of those options make you no. 2, while you're treating her like no. 1. Let's keep it real, you don't see her as a friend, and probably never will at this point. If you can't handle it, suck up the pride. I wish I could tell you something better, but you gotta go NC. Regardless of her reasons that she wants to break up, she doesn't want to be with you. And why would you stick around with someone who doesn't want you there? Good luck man, cause it's gonna be a painful road.
Itspointless Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 Hey there. Your situation reminds me a bit of mine. We both are in our mid-thirties though. My girl her medical issues came back (quite severe) and she also had some other stress to deal with. We weren't that long together, just a few months ldr. What I did not quite expect was that she also turned out to be avoidant-dismissive (attachment theory). She distanced herself in a way I could not have imaged possible, but according to her we could be friends. She said to me that everything she had said before was true but the situation had changed. As I understand depressed people also can distance themselves and there is little you can do about that. Standing powerless at the sideline while you see them distancing just sucks big time. I am sorry to say but it doesn't sound promising if she already says that she does not feel the same. See also these pages: Withdraw from partner, but not others when depressed? - Depression Depression Traps: Social Withdrawal, Rumination, and More Good luck man.
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