Mommame2 Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 I met a guy on OLD. He lives 4 hrs away. But he was in town for business. I met him for a couple of drinks. Seemed very nice. But I wasn't completely sold. The next day he was doing biz an hour from me. He drove in just to take me to dinner. Very nice of him. The next day I offered to drive an hour before my meetings to meet him for lunch. He is very nice but in person... Only talks business and superficially. But when I leave he will text very deep things. How he sees me as the perfect match. That he wants to give this 110 percent etc etc. He used his frequent flier Miles to have me come visit him next weekend. I kept thinking... Hmmmm not sure about this but we will keep talking. Well since he left town, he has texted infrequently. Says he can't wait to see me etc etc. but was too tired to stay up and have a phone call with me. It was 9:50pm. I feel like I just can't go stay the night in his town. I just feel he is pretty one sided. How would you handle this? He bought flight w frequent flier miles...
twinkie0 Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 hmm odd.. title says you want to dump him, like you already decided. yet in the post you seem to be asking whether to stay in the relationship or not. make up your mind. how to "dump" properly? well, first of all, don't say dump! hahaha it sounds mean. break up is more appropiate haha. but seriously, he seems genuinely interested. the traveling to see you says a whole lot. but if he's just "deep" when he's not in person he may be shy in that aspect. talk to him about that. but more importantly, decide if you want him and are okay with him being away so often. 3
babycakees Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 Before I read this, I got the impression you wanted to break up... After reading, it sounds like you aren't sure... What's the deal? 1
Author Mommame2 Posted April 29, 2014 Author Posted April 29, 2014 Yes I know I really didn't want to "dump" him .... But once he left town I realized this will be very difficult. I didn't have trouble with long distance. But he couldn't stay up an extra 10 min to have a phone convo? He texted "I think we could possibly see each other once every other weekend through June". As if that is good? I think the deep texts are great. But when I sit down with him...he won't say this in person... So far.
Author Mommame2 Posted April 29, 2014 Author Posted April 29, 2014 I feel bad that he's purchased this flight for me (albeit frequent flier miles). How do I cancel/call it off? He has me staying over night and I just don't want to go.... I wanted to spend more time with him to get to know him but I admit that since he left... I have just lost interest.
babycrapgreen Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 I like your advice on here, please read my problem, I'd greatly appreciate it. People schedules are different, I use to be in bed by 950PM working 12 hour days. You've only been on 4 dates? If you're not feeling it now, I saw cut it loose. I think it just may be too soon to decide if you know you're second guessing it.
acrosstheuniverse Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 I feel bad that he's purchased this flight for me (albeit frequent flier miles). How do I cancel/call it off? He has me staying over night and I just don't want to go.... I wanted to spend more time with him to get to know him but I admit that since he left... I have just lost interest. Then send him a message: "Hey, I've been thinking and I don't think I should come and visit you. I think the distance will prove too much for what I'm looking for and I'd prefer it if we were both free to meet people nearby. I'm really glad I got to meet you and hope we can stay friends, and if you'd like me to reimburse you for some of the flight I'd be happy to do so. Take care' I don't think there's anything wrong with a message at this stage. I definitely WOULDN'T go because you're not feeling it, and it would be as much a waste of the flight as not going. Plus you'll feel awkward, unhappy, and be wasting both of your time. I would also offer to reimburse some of the flight, he may decline but it's only fair seeing as you did agree that you wanted to go and visit him and are not backing out. 2
Arieswoman Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 This is very sensible advice from ATU, Then send him a message: "Hey, I've been thinking and I don't think I should come and visit you. I think the distance will prove too much for what I'm looking for and I'd prefer it if we were both free to meet people nearby. I'm really glad I got to meet you and hope we can stay friends, and if you'd like me to reimburse you for some of the flight I'd be happy to do so. Take care' And do it quickly, so he can go and find someone who will be 100% into him. 1
acrosstheuniverse Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 It's okay to feel this way btw OP, and kudos on recognising you don't want to go and not going, rather than going along with flying out to see him because you felt awkward cancelling or whatever. The last guy I dated before my current boyfriend lived a five hour journey away so although our first meeting was just coffee for a few hours, I remember thinking when he'd come to stay for a weekend and my interest was fading that ironically I would actually be more likely to be into him if it was possible just to do casual easy things like going for a drink after work then back to our separate places. LDRs put a certain brand of commitment onto a budding relationship very early on as the time you spend together is so intense and lengthy, it's few and far between and once they show up you get no time to yourself until they leave again. It really artificially alters the pace of a relationship especially if it hasn't had chance to grow before it becomes LDR. 1
Author Mommame2 Posted April 29, 2014 Author Posted April 29, 2014 Thank you so much for this feedback. I know that he is very, very interested in me. And I do think he has a lot going for him. However, there were times while meeting that I really had to work to come up with something to talk about. Another question to ask him... He didn't really ask me anything at all. And when I drove an hour and half to meet him for lunch, I walked up to his table and he was hammering away at his phone. Apparently, he was booking my flight and it wouldn't go through... And he started getting visibly frustrated. I just sat there looking out the window until he got done. Then he got up and have me a hug (5 min later). I guess I'm quick to judge considering that the LDR does change the dynamics.
Gaeta Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 Why do you even get in touch with men living 4 hours away? I don't get this. Do you live in a little village with no men available miles around? 2
d0nnivain Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 He already "spent" these frequent flier miles on you? It's not like he can get them back. I'd offer to reimburse him for the costs of the flight. If they were business miles, he should say no, but it's kind of unfair for you to say no now after he spent the miles. Don't misunderstand me, I'm not suggesting that you go because some people -- like you -- just aren't cut out for LDRs. I'm simply looking at the practicalities. 1
Lani Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 I keep getting disappointed that this isn't a thread on taking the perfect crap. 5
amaysngrace Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 (edited) Trust your gut instinct. He is sweet talking you to get into your pants but makes no time to talk to you otherwise. Go there, have sex for the weekend and you will not hear from him again. I can almost guarantee it. Don't offer to pay him back for the flight. You did not tell him to buy you the ticket. Just tell him that you've thought about it and you just don't feel right going away for a weekend with someone this early into your relationship. Always listen to that little voice inside yourself. It's almost always accurate. Edited April 29, 2014 by amaysngrace 2
amaysngrace Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 I keep getting disappointed that this isn't a thread on taking the perfect crap. Thank you for creating this image in my mind :/
Lani Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 Thank you for creating this image in my mind :/ You gotta be able to count on me for something Amay 1
acrosstheuniverse Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 Trust your gut instinct. He is sweet talking you to get into your pants but makes no time to talk to you otherwise. Go there, have sex for the weekend and you will not hear from him again. I can almost guarantee it. Don't offer to pay him back for the flight. You did not tell him to buy you the ticket. Just tell him that you've thought about it and you just don't feel right going away for a weekend with someone this early into your relationship. Always listen to that little voice inside yourself. It's almost always accurate. But... She did allow him to buy the ticket. She didn't stop him, which is as good as an agreement between them. I agree she shouldn't go but she needs to offer some reimbursement for the ticket. Don't try persuade yourself OP. I dated loads of guys who were perfect on paper. If you don't feel the spark this early and you're already not into him the only possible thing to do is not to go on the trip. 1
Author Mommame2 Posted April 29, 2014 Author Posted April 29, 2014 Well I wanted to be decent enough to break this to him when he wasn't busy w clients. So I was going to message him tonight. But surprise! He texted and said he got me a surprise AND he got a t shirt for my child who he has never met of course. Ugh! I feel awful! Any tips to making this as painless as possible?
amaysngrace Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 But... She did allow him to buy the ticket. She didn't stop him, which is as good as an agreement between them. I agree she shouldn't go but she needs to offer some reimbursement for the ticket. It really depends on how many sky miles he had. It may not have cost him anything. He keeps buying her things whether she asks for them or not. This was his idea. His decision. Momma tell him right away. This way he has the best chance of getting a refund on anything he did pay out of pocket.
acrosstheuniverse Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 It really depends on how many sky miles he had. It may not have cost him anything. He keeps buying her things whether she asks for them or not. This was his idea. His decision. Momma tell him right away. This way he has the best chance of getting a refund on anything he did pay out of pocket. I guess I see the miles as his, and having value, now. Even though he didn't outwardly pay for them, they were still there for him to use in place of his own money, for a trip or something. So they still have value. When I get store loyalty points that amass to a significant amount and use them on groceries rather than use my own cash they're basically worth the value of the cash for me, if that makes sense? But I agree. Tell him straight away!
bubbaganoosh Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 Then send him a message: "Hey, I've been thinking and I don't think I should come and visit you. I think the distance will prove too much for what I'm looking for and I'd prefer it if we were both free to meet people nearby. I'm really glad I got to meet you and hope we can stay friends, and if you'd like me to reimburse you for some of the flight I'd be happy to do so. Take care' I don't think there's anything wrong with a message at this stage. I definitely WOULDN'T go because you're not feeling it, and it would be as much a waste of the flight as not going. Plus you'll feel awkward, unhappy, and be wasting both of your time. I would also offer to reimburse some of the flight, he may decline but it's only fair seeing as you did agree that you wanted to go and visit him and are not backing out. No. I don't agree. Not about what what was suggested to say but if your going to do this, then be a bit more adult and if you can't see him face to face then phone him. A text message is really chicken $h!t and so high school. Your not a teenager.
Author Mommame2 Posted April 30, 2014 Author Posted April 30, 2014 Well, I am going to call him today. Interesting he is trying to make me jealous or something. He is playing in a big golf tournament today and texted me a pic of his golf partner. It was a blonde woman posed w a golf club in her underwear. It was her publicity photo.. For LPGA I guess. I'm like... Okay? How do I respond to that text?!!
MidwestUSA Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 Well, I am going to call him today. Interesting he is trying to make me jealous or something. He is playing in a big golf tournament today and texted me a pic of his golf partner. It was a blonde woman posed w a golf club in her underwear. It was her publicity photo.. For LPGA I guess. I'm like... Okay? How do I respond to that text?!! I'd tell him that based on the total inappropriate nature of his text, you've had second thoughts about seeing him again. EVER. This one's done. He just gave you your out. And I wouldn't worry about doing it via text vs phone. Just do it. Creep.
d0nnivain Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 Well, I am going to call him today. Interesting he is trying to make me jealous or something. He is playing in a big golf tournament today and texted me a pic of his golf partner. It was a blonde woman posed w a golf club in her underwear. It was her publicity photo.. For LPGA I guess. I'm like... Okay? How do I respond to that text?!! I'd write back something along the lines of hoping his "partner" causing him to bogey every hole. (that's a bad thing in golf)
Author Mommame2 Posted April 30, 2014 Author Posted April 30, 2014 He prefaced it with "she's no you" but here's my golf partner today.." Then photo of woman in underwear on the beach with her golf club. I am so angry right now. It is killing me not to reply something mean. Grrrrrr.
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