Robert Z Posted June 24, 2014 Posted June 24, 2014 (edited) Now I don't know exactly how to phrase this question.... But I feel that we all have our first love either late teens or in our 20s.....ok, you break up or that other person never gave you the time of day, so naturally you HAVE to move on. I am a 27 year old female. I feel that I am running out of time to be a man's true love. I feel that by the time I find him he has already been jaded by his first love, wife, divorce, one that got away, girl he was in love with but chose someone else, mother of his children, call it what you may. Is there hope for me to still find a man who has not been jaded and can love me with all his heart? Slight tangent: I think that's why so many of us hated the finale of How I met Your Mother.....after decades of Robin rejecting Ted....yeah yeah, he marries "the love of his life" , had kids, she dies, and who does he end up with? The girl he could never get over. I was in my mid-fifties when I fell more in love than I have ever been. Unfortunately it was with my escort [and no, she wasn't my first by a long shot], who later became my sb, but the fact is that I didn't think I could feel that way about anyone ever again. For well over a year I was completely consumed and could barely think of anything else. We've been seeing each other for two years now and I would give my right arm if it meant that she would marry me. Edited June 24, 2014 by Robert Z
still_an_Angel Posted June 25, 2014 Posted June 25, 2014 Don't know where you would get the concept that getting older means you experience less love, in fact at least for me the older I get the more I learn about myself and I'm allowed to branch out in more ways than I have before. I also enjoy the fact that I'm so expressive and able to articulate how I feel to people and what I'm going through, being better understood rather than expecting someone to "figure me out"...in a way that would be very vulnerable to someone else but for me it's freeing, unfortunately that includes the good as well as the bad But I don't ever feel overly exposed and able to be attacked because I'm so comfortable with my own feelings, I just have to trust someone of course in order to expose those deeper layers, I'm still working on the deepest depths. When I was younger I didn't understand things like I do now, I didn't understand why I did certain things and what not...I wasn't aware of my issues and how they affected me and the relationships I developed, now I'm able to distinguish between what is what and understand myself very well for the most part and realize it had nothing to do with those people...I've always been strong willed as well, never really allowing myself to feel completely defeated so I've always felt like I had some control or power over my life and the situation, even if I didn't like the current situation I was in, I've always seen opportunity, and I always felt confident in the fact I would meet someone new but never made it a priority or lifelong ambition to, never placed my self-worth on it like a lot of people do. At 27, you're definitely not anywhere near old enough IMO to even be thinking about losing hope, but when you're younger it's easier to feel like the road to love is "hopeless" but it's really not it's just an inaccurate perception of time and age, because the feeling and excitement never goes away when you meet someone new and have that "spark" where you create your own little world and bubble with this person and for me that's as potent as it's ever been. My biggest mistake or fear comes from within myself, I've made mistakes in the past and have my own personal demons to fight off, I know I'm not the safest most reliable guy in the world to be with and I've been trying to change that, but I've learned I've had to give myself time to naturally change rather than expecting an immediate and sudden shift...people say when you meet the one it'll just magically change, but not someone like me, I've met too many great women in my life to know better than that and to simply place the fault on their "worth", spark or even our connection, I do believe the blame is in large part mine and because of that I've even avoided some women that I was extremely attracted to because I was a bit too worried I wasn't "ready" for that yet. So for myself, my late 20's and early 30's have been more about self-work, rather than trying to change someone else or find the perfect partner, because I'm not the perfect partner or at least not the man I ultimately want to be. When I am there, that's when I feel I'll be ready for an ever deeper love, rather than feeling jaded and less capable of experiencing it anymore because young love is simply naive IMO, it's not a bad thing I just think it takes a lot of self-awareness in who you are to know what love is. Wow, thank you so much for sharing that. You have articulated a lot of what is going on in my mind.
Absinthe Posted June 26, 2014 Posted June 26, 2014 OP, I can kind of relate to what you're saying. I met my first love when I was 18. By the time I was 22, he had well and truly dragged me through the muck and I was bruised. I moved away from the city we'd both been living in to study my Masters and I found a lot of people on my course were in a similar situation - hung up on a first love. I watched as some people rebounded into relationship after relationship with people they seemed to only be TRYING to feel for - myself and my most recent ex included. Last year I was broken up with because my ex didn't feel the same excitement with me as he had with his first love. After a few months, I got back into dating, and met yet even more men who can't get over their first loves and were unable to hide the fact. Even my own first love, as he approached 30, kept trying to come back, even proposed marriage (but he's a serial commitmentphobe and "being jilted at the altar" isn't on my bucket list). Now, I am taking a serious break from dating because I really, really don't want to be jaded. I'm about to turn 26 and I find that many of my similarly-aged peers are entering a sort of pre-30 "now or never" phase. They're either getting engaged after a few months or breaking up with long-term partners. I'm hoping that this is a storm I can ride out. Besides - honestly? I've been single almost a year and I'm finally really enjoying it. It's the first time I've truly been at peace emotionally since, well, adolescence! Having "me" time and taking a break from dating is honestly one of the best things you can do IMO.
MoreCoffee Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 This thread gives me hope at 42, even being disabled. Someone remind me how men and women get together. Romantic car accident?
Michelle ma Belle Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 I don't think there is any cap on it... In fact the older I am, even though I've had heartbreaks, the more capable I am of loving now. When I was a teenager I knew what it felt like to have feelings for someone and even love them but did I have what it takes to weather life's storms and certain kinds of maturity and wisdom needed for relationships to grow and be stable? No. I'm always growing and I think now I'm in a better position to love and be loved than I was before. I'm in a relationship now and my approach and everything is so different and a lot smarter than before and I feel a lot more giving and loving, but balanced than in previous ones. Should he and I part ways I'm confident I could go on and love another person and learn from that without being jaded. Being jaded isn't inevitable. It's a choice and how you choose to view life and relationships. I used to take break ups a lot more personal and now, while it doesn't negate the pain, I see relationships as teachers and maybe not meant to last forever in all cases, and I can take the time it did last for and be grateful for it without being bitter and jaded.We can have many loves and I also don't hold on to the idea of "one true love", as that may cause you more turmoil than it's worth as it promotes this scarcity mentality instead of seeing love as something you can have more than once versus there is this holy grail of a person out there that you must search for or be and if not you will never be happy or you will be "second best" to the "real love". Hands down the single BEST response to this thread! I could not have said it any better myself. I completely agree with everything she said. High five MissBee!!!
darkmoon Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 people change over time, who you are and who you need at 27 will not be the same at 47, people change over time i do not refer here to baggage, i mean aspirations values lifestyle, even politics, choices that do not actually stem from broken hearts/baggage, just choices relating to whatever is around in life that grabs you
marcjb Posted June 27, 2014 Posted June 27, 2014 (edited) Now I don't know exactly how to phrase this question.... But I feel that we all have our first love either late teens or in our 20s.....ok, you break up or that other person never gave you the time of day, so naturally you HAVE to move on. I am a 27 year old female. I feel that I am running out of time to be a man's true love. I feel that by the time I find him he has already been jaded by his first love, wife, divorce, one that got away, girl he was in love with but chose someone else, mother of his children, call it what you may. Is there hope for me to still find a man who has not been jaded and can love me with all his heart? Slight tangent: I think that's why so many of us hated the finale of How I met Your Mother.....after decades of Robin rejecting Ted....yeah yeah, he marries "the love of his life" , had kids, she dies, and who does he end up with? The girl he could never get over. What are you going to do when someone loves you with all of their heart? I am exactly this kind of guy, and probably always will be. I wear my heart on my sleeve. However, it seems that when you love someone with all of your heart the other person takes it for granted and views you as an option. They end up telling you they "don't feel the same way about you" after a few years, and they "love you, but are no longer in love with you" as my ex fiancé did... Edited June 27, 2014 by marcjb
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