The older we get the less we are loved?

[emva07]

Now I don't know exactly how to phrase this question....

 

But I feel that we all have our first love either late teens or in our 20s.....ok, you break up or that other person never gave you the time of day, so naturally you HAVE to move on.

 

I am a 27 year old female. I feel that I am running out of time to be a man's true love. I feel that by the time I find him he has already been jaded by his first love, wife, divorce, one that got away, girl he was in love with but chose someone else, mother of his children, call it what you may.

 

Is there hope for me to still find a man who has not been jaded and can love me with all his heart?

 

Slight tangent: I think that's why so many of us hated the finale of How I met Your Mother.....after decades of Robin rejecting Ted....yeah yeah, he marries "the love of his life" , had kids, she dies, and who does he end up with? The girl he could never get over.

[InnocentMan]

FFS, a spoiler alert would've been nice. We're only on episode 8 of the final season over here. So Ted gets married, she dies, and he ends up with Robin?

[ThatMan]

I think it's fair to say the more time goes on, the more baggage people slowly accumulate. That doesn't mean it's a hopeless situation by any means.

[sillyanswer]

Is there hope for me to still find a man who has not been jaded and can love me with all his heart?

 

Yes.

.....

[emva07]

FFS, a spoiler alert would've been nice. We're only on episode 8 of the final season over here. So Ted gets married, she dies, and he ends up with Robin?

 

Sorry!

 

But trust me, I binged watch the whole show in two weeks! If I would've known that was the end I wouldn't have wasted 2 weeks of my life.

[Weezy1973]

 

I am a 27 year old female. I feel that I am running out of time to be a man's true love. I feel that by the time I find him he has already been jaded by his first love, wife, divorce, one that got away, girl he was in love with but chose someone else, mother of his children, call it what you may.

Is there hope for me to still find a man who has not been jaded and can love me with all his heart?

 

Is there hope for you to not be jaded and love a man with all your heart?

[Joangel]

I know most of my threads are my ranting on how men are not so kind but I still believe a few winners exist out there. I have no doubt I will find my "twin flame" someday. At most I worry that day I will be in dentures and a wheelchair, but I digress. I don't believe my past relationships will effect my how I will love in my future, so I think the same would go for a man. A lot of my antiquated ways are based on respect I have for my soulmate. I don't care how crazy it sounds but when I meet him I don't him to know I hooked up with random guys or did drugs etc...if can respect a love I haven't met yet, believe somewhere out there a man is praying and doing is best waiting to meet someone like you.

[emva07]

Is there hope for you to not be jaded and love a man with all your heart?

 

yes....and that is why I still have hope there are men like me out there. Ones that are still optimistic and can leave all others behind.

 

I guess I've just come across a lot of men lately who are very bitter about their divorces and make it obvious they will never get over her. Or guys who I know are stuck on a girl that will never like them and have eyes for no other.

[Woggle]

Start telling women not to treat men like that when they are younger. By the time women get to the age that they can truly appreciate good men most men have already been through the ringer a few times.

[Weezy1973]

yes....and that is why I still have hope there are men like me out there. Ones that are still optimistic and can leave all others behind.

 

I guess I've just come across a lot of men lately who are very bitter about their divorces and make it obvious they will never get over her. Or guys who I know are stuck on a girl that will never like them and have eyes for no other.

 

Yes, in psychological terms this is called "the recency effect." It's the tendency for us to remember more easily instances that have happened to us recently which could also alter our worldview.

 

Basically you can safely assume that if you exist as someone that is still open at 27 to finding true love, then similar men exist as well.

[Standard-Fare]

Everyone's first experience of love is life-changing because it's all new... you've never been through that level of emotion before, it feels like a very private and unique rollercoaster.

 

It's never quite that "learning experience" again, but at least for me, each time falling in love is equally powerful in its own way. And the end of it, the heartbreak, hurts just as much each time.

 

I'm 33... I'm not in love with anyone right but I have a quite a crush, and it's amazing, it makes me feel exactly like I'm 14 again. The same nervousness, the fluttery feelings, the daydreaming, all that. And this is probably the 19th crush I've had over the course of my life... certainly not a new experience.

 

You may develop more wisdom and barriers, but the part of you that loves does renew itself over again and again.

[RedRobin]

Of course you can love again.

 

 

Me personally... I've looked at it kind of like getting a new dog after the other one died...

 

 

I loved that other dog... there will never be another dog like it... and the new dog will be totally different... but I can love it too. Just as much as I loved the other dog.... maybe more.

I've been bitten by a couple of dogs too... but I still love dogs...

[d0nnivain]

Life makes some people stronger, not bitter or jaded.

 

My husband's 1st love broke up with him the night he was going to propose. Her excuse was that she didn't think he was committed enough to the relationship. He had a ring in pocket but she didn't know about that.

 

It hurt him deeply & made him skittish about relationships for a long time.

 

Still it made him stronger.

 

When I was younger I thought relationships were far more fleeting. If it was not fun & easy I wasn't interested. If it involved committment or sacrafice on my part, I wanted nothing to do with it. My 1st long relationship was about 1 year. Before that I think it had been about 6 months. I loved the chases, not the relationship or the men. I eventually grew up & settled down. I am much more loyal now then I was in my 20s.

[dichotomy]

Now I don't know exactly how to phrase this question....

 

But I feel that we all have our first love either late teens or in our 20s.....ok, you break up or that other person never gave you the time of day, so naturally you HAVE to move on.

 

I am a 27 year old female. I feel that I am running out of time to be a man's true love. I feel that by the time I find him he has already been jaded by his first love, wife, divorce, one that got away, girl he was in love with but chose someone else, mother of his children, call it what you may.

 

Is there hope for me to still find a man who has not been jaded and can love me with all his heart?

 

.

 

 

27 is way too young to worry about this...

[CarrieT]

Piffle.

 

After a marriage in my 20s and four or five long term relationships - some of which felt stronger than those in my youth - I met the greatest love EVER at the age of 49.

 

Never too old....

[MissBee]

I don't think there is any cap on it...

 

In fact the older I am, even though I've had heartbreaks, the more capable I am of loving now. When I was a teenager I knew what it felt like to have feelings for someone and even love them but did I have what it takes to weather life's storms and certain kinds of maturity and wisdom needed for relationships to grow and be stable? No.

 

I'm always growing and I think now I'm in a better position to love and be loved than I was before. I'm in a relationship now and my approach and everything is so different and a lot smarter than before and I feel a lot more giving and loving, but balanced than in previous ones. Should he and I part ways I'm confident I could go on and love another person and learn from that without being jaded.

 

Being jaded isn't inevitable. It's a choice and how you choose to view life and relationships. I used to take break ups a lot more personal and now, while it doesn't negate the pain, I see relationships as teachers and maybe not meant to last forever in all cases, and I can take the time it did last for and be grateful for it without being bitter and jaded.We can have many loves and I also don't hold on to the idea of "one true love", as that may cause you more turmoil than it's worth as it promotes this scarcity mentality instead of seeing love as something you can have more than once versus there is this holy grail of a person out there that you must search for or be and if not you will never be happy or you will be "second best" to the "real love".

Edited April 29, 2014 by MissBee

[Grumpybutfun]

I don't think there is any cap on it...

 

In fact the older I am, even though I've had heartbreaks, the more capable I am of loving now. When I was a teenager I knew what it felt like to have feelings for someone and even love them but did I have what it takes to weather life's storms and certain kinds of maturity and wisdom needed for relationships to grow and be stable? No.

 

I'm always growing and I think now I'm in a better position to love and be loved than I was before. I'm in a relationship now and my approach and everything is so different and a lot smarter than before and I feel a lot more giving and loving, but balanced than in previous ones. Should he and I part ways I'm confident I could go on and love another person and learn from that without being jaded.

 

Being jaded isn't inevitable. It's a choice and how you choose to view life and relationships. I used to take break ups a lot more personal and now, while it doesn't negate the pain, I see relationships as teachers and maybe not meant to last forever in all cases, and I can take the time it did last for and be grateful for it without being bitter and jaded.We can have many loves and I also don't hold on to the idea of "one true love", as that may cause you more turmoil than its worth.

 

^^^ Great response. When we are young we mistake limerence for love, but as we grow older we realize that it is less about completing ourselves and more about mirroring our lives in someone else's eyes and finding what we need to be better. My wife makes me a much better man. She makes me want to see the world differently and to value her above other more trivial things. I think the older we get, the more we know how to love because we are at peace with ourselves.

As far as people being jaded due to heartbreak, that a their own choice and not someone you should be concerned with. Choosing to see life's experiences as a positive step in becoming who we are meant to be is a sign of a well adjusted and balanced person. That is the kind of man. You will want anyway and they are out there. I know quite a few who would like in their late twenties and thirties to have something more than what they ever had in their youth. They are looking for forever, not just right now.

You are in the prime of your life and have much to offer and men know this, at lest the kens who aren't blinded by trying to feed their own ego or fix themselves through youth and peer impressions.

Best,

Grumps

[CarrieT]

Thinking about this for a bit, I realize that the loves of my youth DID feel more intense, but I believe that is because as a developing individual, I was still learning the aspects of love, growth, and change.

 

With becoming a WHOLE person - which few people are in their 20s - there is that aspect of learning how to be, how to love, and how to exist. And in that state of becoming that person, every emotion and incident seems amplified and more intense. That is a natural part of maturing out of adolescence and into adulthood; a process that I don't believe magically happens when someone is 18 or 20 - but continues into the late 20s and early 30s.

 

There is not less love as we get older, we simply have the metal and emotional capacity to be able to understand and handle the pitfalls that accompany relationships. The ups and downs of gaining and losing love are simply easier to deal with.

[iris219]

I am a 27 year old female. I feel that I am running out of time to be a man's true love. I feel that by the time I find him he has already been jaded by his first love, wife, divorce, one that got away, girl he was in love with but chose someone else, mother of his children, call it what you may.

 

Is there hope for me to still find a man who has not been jaded and can love me with all his heart?

 

 

Of course there's still hope.

 

Going through a bad breakup doesn't necessarily impede your ability to love. Not everyone is jaded.

 

My FI was in a bad marriage for years. Because of that, he had no idea he was capable of the kind of love he feels for me because he never felt that way about his ex. I have no doubt he loves me more than he ever loved her, and I know he's much happier with me.

 

We met in out 30s, btw.

[EverLastluv]

In regards to your post finding the right one without all of the "situtations" I havebeen single for 8 years, never found what I was looking all that time. I actualy think my other half was not born yet :)Every man I meet there was something that I did not like or wanted to accept.

 

Finally I was introduced to a man through a family memeber. The truth was he had all the situtations and problems etc.

I stayed with him and work at it, still with him and happily engaged, soon to be marriend so Love comes to people in different ways. ( I would NOT have chosen this man in my life) lol only - though the family I stayed hoping for a long and succesful relationship. So dont give up on love God would send what is for you, and what you can handle. I never thought I would handle such a man with all that situtation, hey I am doing it. I dont know how long it will last, but I will keep trying

[PinkInTheLimo]

Thinking about this for a bit, I realize that the loves of my youth DID feel more intense, but I believe that is because as a developing individual, I was still learning the aspects of love, growth, and change.

 

With becoming a WHOLE person - which few people are in their 20s - there is that aspect of learning how to be, how to love, and how to exist. And in that state of becoming that person, every emotion and incident seems amplified and more intense. That is a natural part of maturing out of adolescence and into adulthood; a process that I don't believe magically happens when someone is 18 or 20 - but continues into the late 20s and early 30s.

 

There is not less love as we get older, we simply have the metal and emotional capacity to be able to understand and handle the pitfalls that accompany relationships. The ups and downs of gaining and losing love are simply easier to deal with.

 

With being older and having suffered in love, I now strongly realise that love can end, even though you were really in love and seem to get on very well. So from now on I will always keep in mind that however good things seem to be, everything can go the drain from one moment on another. In my 20ies I was totally devastated by a break-up. I was so idealistic and therefore also very vulnerable.

My last break-up caused me terrible hurt, esp. because there were so many lies but I knew it would pass. I also knew I would take all the time I needed to get over it.

I have to admit that concerning that relationship I have never been as strongly in love as with that man. The older I am the stronger I fall in love but it is a lot more difficult to meet a man I fall in love with.

[Leigh 87]

I am 27 and I found him.

 

I feel the same level of intensity but when I was younger I would think about the guy 24'7 to an unhealthy extent, I made the guy everything to me. Where as NOW, I fell harder for the current guy than I ever previously have with prior partners, and yet I just don't sit there in my college lectures and think about my boyfriend in an unhealthy or obsessive manner, as a means to escape my sub par life as my life is more complete now and I am doing better all around. I channel the passion I feel for him with regular thoughts about him. Not consuming thoughts.

 

He was hurt as was I. He still considers me his one and only true love. To him that means, for starters; he doesn't think he would necessarily find a girl he loves this much again.

 

Where as with our most recent exes we both "knew" that we'd find a person that we would love MORE. If we broke up, we have both expressed that we just don't think it gets more passionate or loving than what we have.

 

I was also another guys first true love late last year. He had dated a hottie for 4 years whom he was crazy about too. She was hotter than me. He met me and fell head over heels, he swore up and down he would never find anyone like me and didn't want to live without me sort of thing. It was awful.

 

I hope he has found someone else now as he was a great guy, just not for me.PLUS true love has to technically, be reciprocated! Right?

Edited April 30, 2014 by Leigh 87

[cocorico]

Now I don't know exactly how to phrase this question....

 

But I feel that we all have our first love either late teens or in our 20s.....ok, you break up or that other person never gave you the time of day, so naturally you HAVE to move on.

 

I am a 27 year old female. I feel that I am running out of time to be a man's true love. I feel that by the time I find him he has already been jaded by his first love, wife, divorce, one that got away, girl he was in love with but chose someone else, mother of his children, call it what you may.

 

Is there hope for me to still find a man who has not been jaded and can love me with all his heart?

 

Slight tangent: I think that's why so many of us hated the finale of How I met Your Mother.....after decades of Robin rejecting Ted....yeah yeah, he marries "the love of his life" , had kids, she dies, and who does he end up with? The girl he could never get over.

 

I was in my late 30s when I had my first love, and he met the love of his life in his late 40s. So you never know.

[emva07]

Thanks everyone for the responses!

 

I think it's important to note that most of you said that those who are stable, mature and grow with their experiences are the ones who don't let themselves get bogged down with the jadedness and bitterness of a breakup, no matter how terrible it is. That is how I think, that at the end of a journey....whether it be next year or in 20 years, I will be happier because I have learned so much as far as what I am and am not willing to accept out of a significant other.

 

Thanks for sharing your stories. I guess myself and all of those who answered are the ones who are mature to move on and give a chance to love and to be loved!....The ones who still bitterly talk about their ex yet can't move on....well that's not what I want for me, I guess it's just disappointing to know that if it weren't for that they'd actually make a good partner (or maybe not).

 

Thanks! I guess I just needed to hear that from actual people

[Ninjainpajamas]

Don't know where you would get the concept that getting older means you experience less love, in fact at least for me the older I get the more I learn about myself and I'm allowed to branch out in more ways than I have before.

 

I also enjoy the fact that I'm so expressive and able to articulate how I feel to people and what I'm going through, being better understood rather than expecting someone to "figure me out"...in a way that would be very vulnerable to someone else but for me it's freeing, unfortunately that includes the good as well as the bad But I don't ever feel overly exposed and able to be attacked because I'm so comfortable with my own feelings, I just have to trust someone of course in order to expose those deeper layers, I'm still working on the deepest depths.

 

When I was younger I didn't understand things like I do now, I didn't understand why I did certain things and what not...I wasn't aware of my issues and how they affected me and the relationships I developed, now I'm able to distinguish between what is what and understand myself very well for the most part and realize it had nothing to do with those people...I've always been strong willed as well, never really allowing myself to feel completely defeated so I've always felt like I had some control or power over my life and the situation, even if I didn't like the current situation I was in, I've always seen opportunity, and I always felt confident in the fact I would meet someone new but never made it a priority or lifelong ambition to, never placed my self-worth on it like a lot of people do.

 

At 27, you're definitely not anywhere near old enough IMO to even be thinking about losing hope, but when you're younger it's easier to feel like the road to love is "hopeless" but it's really not it's just an inaccurate perception of time and age, because the feeling and excitement never goes away when you meet someone new and have that "spark" where you create your own little world and bubble with this person and for me that's as potent as it's ever been.

 

My biggest mistake or fear comes from within myself, I've made mistakes in the past and have my own personal demons to fight off, I know I'm not the safest most reliable guy in the world to be with and I've been trying to change that, but I've learned I've had to give myself time to naturally change rather than expecting an immediate and sudden shift...people say when you meet the one it'll just magically change, but not someone like me, I've met too many great women in my life to know better than that and to simply place the fault on their "worth", spark or even our connection, I do believe the blame is in large part mine and because of that I've even avoided some women that I was extremely attracted to because I was a bit too worried I wasn't "ready" for that yet.

 

So for myself, my late 20's and early 30's have been more about self-work, rather than trying to change someone else or find the perfect partner, because I'm not the perfect partner or at least not the man I ultimately want to be. When I am there, that's when I feel I'll be ready for an ever deeper love, rather than feeling jaded and less capable of experiencing it anymore because young love is simply naive IMO, it's not a bad thing I just think it takes a lot of self-awareness in who you are to know what love is.