Author Hitman_47 Posted April 29, 2014 Author Posted April 29, 2014 Good grief. your girlfriend flirtatiously asks you if you missed her and you say "Nope (doesn't matter what follows)." You don't know how to be nice. What a rude thing to say to someone. I mean, you don't have to make a huge deal out of it, but politeness would require at minimum an "of course" in a nice tone. You outright are insulting your girlfriend. No wonder she's cooling down. What's to like? Lol so lying to be nice is a good trait these days. Sorry I strictly believe that lying is a no no.
TXGuy Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 Good grief. your girlfriend flirtatiously asks you if you missed her and you say "Nope (doesn't matter what follows)." You don't know how to be nice. What a rude thing to say to someone. I mean, you don't have to make a huge deal out of it, but politeness would require at minimum an "of course" in a nice tone. You outright are insulting your girlfriend. No wonder she's cooling down. What's to like? No, your GF was trying to emotionally manipulate and blackmail you. Your response of "nope, its only been a day" was one of the few things you have done right with her. You need to 1.) get her under control, 2) accept the fact that she will act like she has been, only worse, after you get married, or 3.) leave her.
GoreSP Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 Thanks, that's what I think. I see a lot of people have the attitude that as soon as they see something they don't like in their partner, they try to move on rather than compromise... Im not perfect either... and I don't think I'll find someone who is perfect... but when we've had the "intensity" discussion before, she says she would become cold and more distant if she did tone it down. Furthermore, still the other problems persist. Some of them (me thinking about other women are not even hers to fix ) Well it's important that you are the only one to compromise. It's good that you want to fix this, but if she won't - then maybe it's not worth your time. As far as thinking about other women - that's normal.
pteromom Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 Ive done what you described above a few times... but it is not easy to do it all the time... I try to understand her a lot. I comfort her a lot. But sometimes I feel like I wish I wasn't always the one who is comforting... You may do it a lot, but ONE TIME canceling lunch with a friend because she's having a tantrum undoes it all. She's acting like a child - so you have to be consistent, just like you would with a child. She was also brought up with a dad and uncle who would do anything for her at the drop of a hat... so it's normal that she's learned to cry and scream to try to get her way... Unlearning that will take much more than a few times acting otherwise. True. And you have you make it NOT about teaching her, but about freeing yourself from her outbursts. Fixing yourself so that you don't internalize her tantrums or feel a need to stop them. As for the age GAP. I seriously think this might be an issue in the future. I want about 3 kids in my life, but yet am not ready for a kid for at least 3 more years... and I heard that as women get older the chances of defects during birth increase :S I wouldn't worry about this. If 10 years from now, you have two kids, and you both want another one but she's having fertility issues, there are MANY MANY options available to you. Trust me on this one - if you want it, you can make it happen. This shouldn't be a dealbreaker for you. But still - you are the one who lives your day-to-day life, and only you know if you would be happier without her in it.
Hopeful30 Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 (edited) But **** it's so hard to move on... And getting back to the single life trying to find a "cuddly, sweet and loyal" girl, seems like so much work and time I could otherwise spend on other things... Then don't complain about your girlfriend on public forums. If you chose to stay, then you can't complain about anything bad that will happen in the future - because you are knowingly staying in a relationship that you claim you have serious doubts about. So the next time you fantasize about another woman, or if you cheat (let's hope it won't come to that) then also know that you will be the bad guy here - and your girlfriend will be the victim of being with a man who can't be honest with her and who "tolerates her crap" when he doesn't have to. This, in turn, will give your gf the false impression that the way she behaves doesn't bother you, or that things are going just fine and its "okay" to have these emotional roller coasters. If you wait longer, you will only end up hurting her more. I can bet that she has no clue this is how you feel and the longer you wait, the bigger the blow to her. Sounds to me like you're making excuses to stay in the relationship, and if that's truly your intention, then perhaps you shouldn't be asking whether or not you should try to work on the relationship but rather HOW to work on it. Complaining on public forums isn't the best way to go. Edited April 29, 2014 by Hopeful30
babycakees Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 Here is my opinion because I have been in this situation many times before in relationships. It's not going to get any better. In fact, it's probably going to get worse. You are right. The honeymoon phase is completely over and now you both are starting to show your true colors to one another. You can't FIX a broken relationship. Relationships take a lot of work from both people in them, but one person can't be the only one who wants it. Fighting all the time about little things is a big red flag. My suggestion is that if you are not happy, you need to let your voice be heard. 1
Gottabestrong Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 Don't stay with her just because you don't want to be single or have to look for a new girl. I believe that you should only be in a relationship with someone because you want to, not because you have become used to the status quo. You both deserve more. My advice would be to talk to her. Tell her honestly about your concerns. Don't bring up the fact that you fantasize about other women. I know you said you don't want to 'lie to be nice' but some things are just cruel. And yes, if your girlfriend asks you if you miss her the correct answer would be 'Yes'. And the correct answer to 'Does my bum look fat in this' is No. You are welcome.
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