Author Red123 Posted May 6, 2014 Author Posted May 6, 2014 Thank you so much. Your post was so kind and reassuring. I really appreciate your input. 1
fellini Posted May 6, 2014 Posted May 6, 2014 So just to be clear, I am not concerned at this time that he will go back to the A but my thread was more about my feelings and reaction to his breakdown on Friday night. I was worried about the weight that was lifted when he said he didn't want to R. Which he immediately took back. I couldn't figure out why I was so relieved but I think with some perspectives from others I have a handle on it now. Excellent. Ill recount something specific to this issue that I remember. Actually two things. I have always wanted to pursue reconciliation. But I remember around month 8 I had to make a trip back (I won't say home, I moved across the atlantic) to be with a family member for 10 days and they were a huge weight off my shoulder. It was great not to be in an environment only focussed on that one thing. It was nice to be attending to the needs of someone else if only for 10 days. But even more closer to what you had, I remember on Christmas day, when my WS told me she was still "torn" and wasn't sure what to do, and (get this!) she thought it might be a good idea to sit down and have coffee with the AP!, I immediately told her time to stop reconciliation, go to "structured separation" for one month before we could move forward. Making that decision, not to continue R - even like putting it in pause, (although in my case it was me saying it) lifted so much off my shoulders. Nearly 9 months of "do I do this, do I do that, should I stay, should I go..." I finally MADE A DECISION TO DO SOMETHING and this gave me the same feeling you had. I wasn't actually thinking that R was not going to happen, it was more the incredible joy at having made that decision to do the separation that did it. Good luck with your continuous journey to find the marriage that works best for the both of you. 1
Recommended Posts