Author johndoe13 Posted April 29, 2014 Author Posted April 29, 2014 How and why did you end up buying a house with her? Great question. I'm pretty dumb actually. 4 months into the relationship; even when she did not say I love you, did not call me honey or did not even hold my hand automatically she wanted to look at houses for fun and started talking at a potential investment a little after. I moved in with her. And I went along with looking for a property just to prove I was serious... 5 months into the relationship with put a small deposit in the apt... I feel like if I bought my path to her heart...pretty pathetic... I feel so stupid!!!
GoreSP Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 Everyone is beating up on OP but I get why youre so upset. If she can't come clean with evidence thrown in her face then what's to stop her from doing the same to OP and very easily lying about it! How can you ever trust a liar?! Stupid of you to buy a house with a girlfriend OP. well the thing is, he doesn't seem to have clear evidence about the affair with a married man. Only emails where she says she can't see him because she is seeing someone.
GoreSP Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 No i did not mention the e-mails with this person. This e-mail was in her office computer which I did not mention I saw. In one e-mail she told him A) that the should have not even started what she should end in the first place...then couple of weeks after they are B)meeting up every few weeks...then C)a month after I met her he wants to pass by her house...and tells him that she can't...he tries one more time to set something up and she says that she met someone... A) Could very well mean that she shouldn't have started talking with him B)meeting up...for coffee perhaps? C) speaks for itself. I'm still not seeing evidence of an affair. So you are accusing her of lying about something you assumed she did. Not cool..
GoreSP Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 By the way I am here for help not her. So can you help me since she is not even reading this... I'm actually at the point where I telling myself if we cannot get closer/connected than we are now I will have to end it; because honestly something I feel that we are not that close. Actually we came from a vacation and I feel that instead of getting closer we just stayed at the same distance. The first day I decided to be as chill/funny as I could be and she really loved it. However, I felt that after we landed at the destination she just disconnected again and seemed to be distracted with everyone around the airport and then I shut down...she keeps glazing at people (mostly men) but does not talk/comment to me on anything she is thinking or seeing...it is pretty ackward. The issues always stem when we are surrounded by people. When people are around I feel like i dissolve into just another person in the room. Example, she will do a cheers with everyone except me (happened twice); she will serve other people wine and forget me...this type of thing... Anyways; I am from the core insecure. But a lot of my insecurity in my relationship comes mainly from a lack of connection and communication...and i'm scared because like you say this does not make any sense when you have been in a relationship for almost two years and have invested in property. So I feel like something does not add up! So this is why I post here... Thanks He meant professional help...
Author johndoe13 Posted April 29, 2014 Author Posted April 29, 2014 well the thing is, he doesn't seem to have clear evidence about the affair with a married man. Only emails where she says she can't see him because she is seeing someone. The e-mails were as follows: 1. We should have never started this to begin with you are married 2. Him: I miss the smell of your body 3. A few e-mails each week or so telling him that she we be home at 6:00 and that she is free. 4. An e-mail telling her that he wants to see her...she tells him that she is busy (she was starting to date me) 5. An e-mail telling her again that if she can meet up...she tells him that she can't that she is seeing someone now... If this is not an affair I must be totally out of my fking mind! My point is that I am scared that she lied twice. Even when she knows I have snooped.
Mrin Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 I don't think this is sinking in - the alleged affair happened before you were dating and when you started dating she waived the dude off. If she wants to lie about it or deny it or not talk about it then that's her choice. Honestly I don't know why you are hounding her this much on it. You seem like you are right fighting. Maybe she made a promise to this guy never to admit it. Or maybe to God. Who knows.
HappyLove Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 I think you are very insecure in this relationship because you moved wayyyy to fast with someone you weren't sure about. This seems the least of your problems. If this relationship is headed to marriage then maybe a relationship counselor would do you some good.
crederer Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 Do you happen to live in canada and does her first name happen to start with a "D"? If so PM me.
ASG Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 Do you happen to live in canada and does her first name happen to start with a "D"? If so PM me. This is the weirdest post I've seen here and you see a lot of crazy **** on this site! O_O
Author johndoe13 Posted April 30, 2014 Author Posted April 30, 2014 I think you are very insecure in this relationship because you moved wayyyy to fast with someone you weren't sure about. This seems the least of your problems. If this relationship is headed to marriage then maybe a relationship counselor would do you some good. Actually I spoke about counseling this morning. Since I told her about my snooping she has been feeling distant and hurt (understandable). She is tired of fighting and feeling akward with me. She wants me to love her! I feel like a failure because she was so in love with me!!! Still is but the flame is a lot lower. 1
Phantom888 Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 If you're gonna snoop you should have done it early in the relationship...like 2 years ago. Now it's too late to do anything about it, since you bought a house together. You either accept her now, or break up. There seems to be a lack of trust. Don't blame you... she lies. But maybe she lied to protect your feelings? Have you been jealous or possessive about her and her past? I think a lot of women lie to protect the BF's feelings. If she has absolutely no contact with any of those guys now, then I say give her a chance. Go to therapy and talk it out. If you don't see her in your future, then walk away.
ktya Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 Actually I spoke about counseling this morning. Since I told her about my snooping she has been feeling distant and hurt (understandable). She is tired of fighting and feeling akward with me. She wants me to love her! I feel like a failure because she was so in love with me!!! Still is but the flame is a lot lower. Im going to make a strong suggestion to you buddy. Id rarely suggest a man ever do this. Beg. Grovel. For forgiveness. Say how sorry you are for snooping. Promise to and book some counselling and show her who you are going to see. Do not, i repeat, do not even suggest that she come with you (this is not her problem it is yours, now own it 100%!!) dont even bother promising to never do it again, she will not beleive you so its a waste of breath. Do anything any everything you can think of for her to show your truly deep remorse that goes down to the bottom of your soul. If you dont feel that way, fake it like your auditioning for a movie where you get to bang jessica abel because its in the script. You have been, acted like, and shown her that you are a totally idiotic hypersensitive jealous freakshow and you need to own it and admit it and feel the complete and total humiliation that goes along with it. Take my advice and your relationship will stand a chance. Dont take it at your own peril. Your grovelling and making up for your lunacy will end when she tells you she forgives you, it wont last forever as long as you appear genuinely and totally remorseful. If you dont take my advice she is either going to leave you, or cheat on you and make sure you know it before she leaves you to get back at you. (ie. Well if you dont trust me maybe ill give you a damn good reason not to, whats the difference i may as well have my fun if im getting treated like a cheater) Own this stupid insecurity, wear it, and fix it.
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