Georgiak Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 I feel that my boyfriend doesn't want me and his been using me this whole time.. We met 2.5years ago out one night, we swopped numbers and started seeing each other, we hang out at my apartment all the time cause he still lived with his parents. Months later of seeing each other I brought up why aren't we dating yet he said that he wasn't ready for any kind of relationship.. I thought to my self ok I don't wanna push him let's see how time goes.. After a year and so months had pass I got fed up and said you either start dating me or I want nothing to do with you. He then said ok let's date. Ever since we met he never had a full time job so he couldn't take me out and if we did go out I would always pay unless he had money that day. His never ever gotten me gifts his always said his had no money his going through a ruff time, I just always let it go. I've never met his family or friends and his only met some of mine by his choice, I don't mind if his meets all my family and friends he just doesn't want to he always comes up with excuses like his not in the mood or he has something on. I know your thinking now why am I still with him, but that's the thing his always there around me we spend a lot of time together at my place. And I do really like him but it's hurting me that he doesn't show me he likes me. We never said I love you before and every time we fight he puts it in me and it's me most of the time trying to fix things. And now am on a one month holiday with the family over seas and he hasn't seem to be wanting to be in contact with me.. Last week his dad had a heart attack and he was really upset and said he doesn't wanna talk to much. Two days ago he got out of hospital and his ok but he still seems he doesn't wanna talk still, I called him today and he said" why didn't you text me first before you called?" I was like what do you mean since when do I need to text you before I call? And his like am home now and I was like ok and then his like so I can't really talk loud cause my family is near me an I was like don't worry we won't talk I'll speak to you at a better time and hang up. Then I was thinking to myself why wouldn't that be a perfect time his at home just got back from training why can't he just go into his room and ask me how am going!! Sorry if this didn't make sense am trying to make it as short as possible.
Valen Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 I think you are wasting your time with this loser. And you are right he is just using you. Dump him. You know you deserve better than this. Remember a great guy will not come knocking if you are not available.
Versacehottie Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 i don't usually give negative advice, but in the long run this will be positive advice. Let him go. He is no good. 2
Author Georgiak Posted April 28, 2014 Author Posted April 28, 2014 Yeah I feel that I should let him go.. But I know when I do he probably won't care which makes me always want him back. It sounds stupid but it's hard, I've always been that girl that can see a bad guy and let him go but his different
Valen Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 Yeah I feel that I should let him go.. But I know when I do he probably won't care which makes me always want him back. It sounds stupid but it's hard, I've always been that girl that can see a bad guy and let him go but his different Do you really want to wait til he meets a new girl and dump you? It would make you feel even more miserable. The fact that he hadn't introduce you to his family and friends tells me he really didn't value you and might even see other girls too. So this is your chance to stand up for yourself. If you don't walk away now, whatever self-worth you have left will be shattered. Don't let this loser do that to you. Once you meet a better guy, you will look back at this situation and think how stupid it was to waste 2 yrs with him. So take control of your life and dump him. It will be hard but you will feel better about yourself. After you dump him, immediately avoid all contacts with him. Keep busy, go out with friends, don't let yourself think about him. And yes when you get those days were you feel extremely lonely, you will wish for him back but don't give in. Stop and get out of the apartment right away. Just tell yourself he is dead to you. You can do it. 3
clia Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 How many more signs do you need that this guy isn't into you? -- He wouldn't "date" you for over a year, but he would happily let you pay for him and mooch off you during that year. Then he agreed to "date" you...but nothing really changed. -- He doesn't have a job -- He doesn't take you out -- He doesn't buy you gifts (for your birthday, Valentine's Day, Christmas...) -- You've never met his family and friends -- He's never told you he loves you (after 2 1/2 years!). You are totally wasting your time with this guy. Yes, he's using you. 2
Author Georgiak Posted April 28, 2014 Author Posted April 28, 2014 You guys are very right, I do think it's time to leave him. Am overseas now should I wait till I go back or just stop being in contact all together? Last time I broke up with him he made me feel like I needed him and we got back together
Valen Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 You guys are very right, I do think it's time to leave him. Am overseas now should I wait till I go back or just stop being in contact all together? Last time I broke up with him he made me feel like I needed him and we got back together You can do it today. Just send him a message it's over and you want to move on. Whatever he says afterwards just ignore it. Don't care and don't fall for it. You fell for it for over 2 yrs, not anymore. So after you send him that message, just go out buy yourself a nice dinner and invite a friend and have a nice toast to your new beginning. Remember avoid all contacts with him when you get back. Be strong and remind yourself why you did it. Don't falter. 1
Author Georgiak Posted April 28, 2014 Author Posted April 28, 2014 Thanks!!!! So much you have been a great help!
mtber75 Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 You should just stop contacting him. He seems to be total user and manipulator. Sorry to say, you wasted a lot of your time with this guy! 1
Valen Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 Thanks!!!! So much you have been a great help! Good luck! Remember life isn't all just about relationships. Never forget that you can have lots of fun with or without someone. Find that inner happiness. 3
Versacehottie Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 You guys are very right, I do think it's time to leave him. Am overseas now should I wait till I go back or just stop being in contact all together? Last time I broke up with him he made me feel like I needed him and we got back together Do it right away. The sooner you do it, you are one step closer to getting to a happy place and new guy who will treat you well. The longer you wait you are just dragging it out. My advice would be to tell him now while you are overseas. It's silly to keep doing things on his terms when you are deciding to live for yourself now. Also I feel like you should say something formal to end it. I feel like if you don't you are a danger to yourself of letting him back in. It seems like you're a nice person, which can be a weakness in relationships sometimes. Turn it into a strength by continuing to be the person you are but take control and stick to it. Good luck! 1
Eivuwan Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 Yeah I feel that I should let him go.. But I know when I do he probably won't care which makes me always want him back. It sounds stupid but it's hard, I've always been that girl that can see a bad guy and let him go but his different You only want to be with him because your ego does not want to believe that this person doesn't care about you. But you know what you have to do. 1
Author Georgiak Posted April 28, 2014 Author Posted April 28, 2014 Should I explain to him why am breaking up with him or just end it?
jonsnuh Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 Should I explain to him why am breaking up with him or just end it? I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of hurtling excuses at me by explaining it. Sometimes guys like myself are especially good at twisting around and manipulating women to salvage what could be left, or with the hope of a second chance. If you are sure about breaking up with him, don't give him an opening. Just end it. 2
Elias33 Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 Yeah I feel that I should let him go.. But I know when I do he probably won't care which makes me always want him back. It sounds stupid but it's hard, I've always been that girl that can see a bad guy and let him go but his different That fact that he may not care should tell you enough. You allow him to do this to you, and you have the power to stop this. From my perspective, you are treated unkindly and distant. And when do you exactly expect this to change? I think you know the answer. The guy seems very self-centered and has little concern of what you may be going through. I hope you find the right answer, even though you might already know what the answer is. 1
Versacehottie Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 And he already knows the reason deep down inside too. He does not treat you well and he knows it. One vague, generalization sentence is enough: "Listen, I have had the chance to do some thinking while I've been traveling and it's time for me to move on, I want different things than you." Some version of that. One slight diss to show him you are not a pushover. And use rest of your vacation for some flirting! Good luck! and come back in future with your new bf story! 1
d0nnivain Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 I'm not saying he's a catch but your timing sucks. His dad just had a heart attack & you are complaining that he's not spending enough time with you. Really -- that's cold. His family is going through a major crisis & you chose now to make it all about you. That said, before you move on to the next relationship you need to understand that we teach people how to treat us. From the beginning you taught him that he didn't have to value you, so he doesn't. I dated an unemployed down on his luck guy for a while. He cooked for me all the time & ran errands for me. For holidays he made me gifts. He's been dead for almost 7 years but one of his painting still hangs over my fireplace. It's not about the money. It's about compassion. Neither of you has much.
Author Georgiak Posted April 28, 2014 Author Posted April 28, 2014 I can't do this with you anymore, You don't even wanna see how am going.. Am the one calling n texting and you seem to be cutting it short. I don't even wanna hear your dumb excuses anymore you've had ever since I met you. Your a mean person you shouldn't drag on a person like that. Enjoy your life! Please don't bother with ur just your "ok" replies we both know how you feel. Am done! How's that!
Author Georgiak Posted April 28, 2014 Author Posted April 28, 2014 Donnivain am sorry to hear about the lost you have.. But am not upset that he doesn't have much money when he does have money he shouts me all the time. Am just upset the fact tht he doesn't want me to meet his family or friends his 27 and am 22 shouldn't he know what he wants.
Versacehottie Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 I can't do this with you anymore, You don't even wanna see how am going.. Am the one calling n texting and you seem to be cutting it short. I don't even wanna hear your dumb excuses anymore you've had ever since I met you. Your a mean person you shouldn't drag on a person like that. Enjoy your life! Please don't bother with ur just your "ok" replies we both know how you feel. Am done! How's that! Hmm, well only you know what you need to put in there, but in my opinion it's too emotional, too many details. You want to take the high road. And beginning with this breakup communication show him that all along you have been someone who he should have had respect for. Aloof, a bit untouchable, better than his "ish". The way this is worded it shows he still has an effect on you. And i think will communicate to him that you are just mad/upset rather than truly OVER it. This says he has a way back in if he (let's be honest) temporarily fixes those things. Plus he will brand you as emotional and crazy. You want to act with dignity and maturity, i think. 2
d0nnivain Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 Donnivain am sorry to hear about the lost you have.. But am not upset that he doesn't have much money when he does have money he shouts me all the time. Am just upset the fact tht he doesn't want me to meet his family or friends his 27 and am 22 shouldn't he know what he wants. Thank you. As I typed that it just struck me as to how long it's been. My point about the money wasn't about the money. It was a way of illustrating to you that a good guy can still show he cares even when he doesn't have a job or cash. Your STBEX isn't doing that. He's just being self centered. In the immediate aftermath of his father's heart attack he gets to be distracted from your relationship but his issues pre-date this illness. At 27 he's probably never going to grow up.
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