nhlady1980 Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 Well I searched the whole site and found nothing about this and yes I know there are other forums for that but I am trying to find a helpful place to talk about love, ex partners and falling in love with an inmate. Is this onto post here?
d0nnivain Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 Were you in a relationship with this person before they went to jail? If so, it's wonderful (I hope) that you are still supportive while he is paying his debt to society, assuming that there will not be a repeated in the future. If you don't think he's learned his lesson & is apt to do it again, I'd end it now. If you don't know this person outside of the prison system & all you have is correspondence, I would start by assuming the guy is a con artist & you are his latest victim.
Author nhlady1980 Posted April 28, 2014 Author Posted April 28, 2014 Were you in a relationship with this person before they went to jail? If so, it's wonderful (I hope) that you are still supportive while he is paying his debt to society, assuming that there will not be a repeated in the future. If you don't think he's learned his lesson & is apt to do it again, I'd end it now. If you don't know this person outside of the prison system & all you have is correspondence, I would start by assuming the guy is a con artist & you are his latest victim. Hi.yes I've known him since I was 15 we dated off n on I guess u could call it. And ive always had a special place in my heart for him and a lot has gone on with us in the past years and I just really need someone to talk to and who is objective if you know what I mean? Im hoping i can find support on here
d0nnivain Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 For now all you can do is write to him. Long newsy letters are best. Don't expect much in return & understand that all of his correspondence is read by jail personnel. If you are close enough, find out when visiting hours are & go as often as you can. Make sure this is the last time he's in trouble. If he hasn't fixed what landed him in jail, your future is bleak so you may as well stop it / avoid it before it starts.
Author nhlady1980 Posted April 28, 2014 Author Posted April 28, 2014 For now all you can do is write to him. Long newsy letters are best. Don't expect much in return & understand that all of his correspondence is read by jail personnel. If you are close enough, find out when visiting hours are & go as often as you can. Make sure this is the last time he's in trouble. If he hasn't fixed what landed him in jail, your future is bleak so you may as well stop it / avoid it before it starts. We write all the time and he calls me a few times a week he is way to far to visit I hate it . N the only person I have to talk to is my x lol yes we r good friends luckily. So just feel lonely with so many questions in general lol but ty so much dear
carhill Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 Welcome to LS When did he go in? What was he sentenced for? How long? When was the last time you saw him in person? How did that go? What specifically are you interested in receiving feedback and/or support about? I ask because this is an interpersonal relationship discussion site, so discussion is generally about interpersonal relationships. The specifics of interacting with an inmate likely would be better addressed on a forum for inmate families of the facility or state where he's incarcerated. If you're young and he's already in prison as a young adult, the road ahead will be a challenging one. Prison changes a person and, generally, the results are unknown until well down the road. Each of us is different.
snappytomcat Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 hi nhlady I was in a relationship with a convict for a long time before I met my husband,i loved the bad boys,but it can be a really lonely relationship,especially if you just become exclusive with him,cause really you don't know who else hes communicating with. when they go on lockdown,and don't have phone access for a while,you just feel horrible,did something happen to them? also my brother is in,and out of prison,and he was a wonderful girlfriend,that he says he loves,but talks,and wites to other females,cause they each put money on his books,these men just know the game,they know how to hustle on the outside,and know how on the inside,but I was there for many years,and its lonely,wwhen my friends were going out,i stayed home,and I was young I should have been out having fun,instead of waiting for someone that,made it a career,to be in and out of the prison system,not saying that's your situation,but sharing my experience 1
Author nhlady1980 Posted April 29, 2014 Author Posted April 29, 2014 I am 33 he is 40, it has been 15yrs since we saw each other because we both kind of went our own direction in life, he is in for a few assault charges due to being drunk and getting jumped and resisting arrest yes I know the kind of person he was back then and have no idea if all the programs and classes he has taken over the Yrs have sincerely fixed these issues and by no means is he fully innocent made many wrong discions, and now yes I know there are oth r prison talk forums but its not very helpful as not many people respond to my questions or worries and etc. I want to be supportive of him, friend or more if that happens I just wan general talk and support on thoughts and other things going on in my life I have kids I have anxiety PTSD depression and copd and so on everyone has things going on in there life. Relationship wise is him in jail, my x who lives w me due to my severe anxiety and phobias, he and I have a daughter together he is the only person I have, I have no family etc I have loss of sex drive issues and being affectionate issues lack there of I should say lol So yea that is a brief summery of me n my life :-! Hope I can find somewhere on here to fit in and chat and share life's ups n downs and also listen to other people's situations what ever they may be
Emilia Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 I just wan general talk and support on thoughts and other things going on in my life I have kids I have anxiety PTSD depression and copd and so on everyone has things going on in there life. Relationship wise is him in jail, my x who lives w me due to my severe anxiety and phobias, he and I have a daughter together he is the only person I have, I have no family etc I have loss of sex drive issues and being affectionate issues lack there of I should say lol OP, the things that you have going on would make it harder for you to form a relationship with an emotionally volatile person. Even someone who wasn't dealing with PTSD it would be hard but for you even more so. Don't get caught up in this. The person you knew 15 years ago is very different today. 2
Author nhlady1980 Posted April 29, 2014 Author Posted April 29, 2014 hi nhlady I was in a relationship with a convict for a long time before I met my husband,i loved the bad boys,but it can be a really lonely relationship,especially if you just become exclusive with him,cause really you don't know who else hes communicating with. when they go on lockdown,and don't have phone access for a while,you just feel horrible,did something happen to them? also my brother is in,and out of prison,and he was a wonderful girlfriend,that he says he loves,but talks,and wites to other females,cause they each put money on his books,these men just know the game,they know how to hustle on the outside,and know how on the inside,but I was there for many years,and its lonely,wwhen my friends were going out,i stayed home,and I was young I should have been out having fun,instead of waiting for someone that,made it a career,to be in and out of the prison system,not saying that's your situation,but sharing my experience Hi dear thank u for your reply, I am sure it is lonely but I am going to stand by his side even if we are only friends down the road or more, iam not going to let him hustle me for much lol that's why I pay for calls to my phone number only, lol I have been around this type of people since I can remember my childhood so I am aware of all the dirty little stunts and hustle they can pull but I am very greatful that you brought it up it shows u have an honest care for people :-) how many years did you stay lonely while waiting for him before your husband? If I may ask and how long ago was this
snappytomcat Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 Hi dear thank u for your reply, I am sure it is lonely but I am going to stand by his side even if we are only friends down the road or more, iam not going to let him hustle me for much lol that's why I pay for calls to my phone number only, lol I have been around this type of people since I can remember my childhood so I am aware of all the dirty little stunts and hustle they can pull but I am very greatful that you brought it up it shows u have an honest care for people :-) how many years did you stay lonely while waiting for him before your husband? If I may ask and how long ago was this I waited for him for 4 years,thats him being in and out not a solid 4 years,one time he got out after 9 months,and got picked up the same day,this was 25 yrs ago,i know lots has changed since then,i also had a daughter by this man,but in California theres a 3 strike law,and he was going in for 25 to life,so my husband adopted her when she was almost 2 good luck with everything
d0nnivain Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 nhlady You are in a very vulnerable position & I fear it's clouding your judgment. The man you knew 15 years ago is probably not the guy in jail. He's changed. In most US states there is a presumption against incarceration for 1st time offenders. Assualt charges from a drunk fight, usually get you probation, not a long sentence so I suspect there is more to this than you know or at least a much more sordid history. From everything else you have written you are the kind of sweet niave soul who can be preyed upon by con men. Be very careful how you proceed with this guy & do NOT send him any money. 1
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