FredJones80 Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 Whats your worst fear about NC? Mine, me or ex getting a serious illness and/or dying and the other person doesn't even know. After spending some much of your life together and the other person could just die without you knowing, find it odd. Weird huh?
FortunateSon Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 My worst fear of NC used to be that I could possibly be missing the chance for reconciliation. The longer I have been NC, the less I care about this. I have gotten to the point were reconciliation in no longer a thought anymore. 8
Jiivy Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 Funnily enough, my worst fear about NC is that I'LL actually move on and be ok...and I can feel myself going that way each and every day. A part of me drags me back and refuses to let go, but that part dies a little every day. 10
Summerrose2013 Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 Funnily enough, my worst fear about NC is that I'LL actually move on and be ok...and I can feel myself going that way each and every day. A part of me drags me back and refuses to let go, but that part dies a little every day. This really rang a bell with me. The further I step away from this relationship, the more I see with clarity what it was ACTUALLY like. In fact, I'd conveniently forgotten that I'd had some doubts about the relationship a few times and silenced that little devil sitting on my shoulder. Started to clear out some emails from him, was reading them before I deleted them and actually got BORED of doing it and went off to do something else!!! Realised I've stopped re-reading his texts and his final email too, because it really had nothing in it to interest me any more. I found some pix attached to some of the emails which he had sent me of himself (he loved to do this) and I didn't feel anything. Was like looking at a stranger.... The thing is, if I get over him too quick, was this then really the amazing man or relationship I thought he was?? I have to face up to that I've had a lucky escape then - not just from him, but from my own bad choices in men (yet again!) Heard a brilliant line in a song this morning 'he's pushing me away into the arms of someone who will really love me'. Other worst thing about NC is thinking that: - he's glad I've backed off and am leaving him alone - ouch - I worry that perhaps he desperately wants to get in touch but his pride and fear of me rejecting him again is stopping him - HA HA yes, I know, I need to re-read the NC guide, LOL. Think I know that by heart now!! 2
Summerrose2013 Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 Whats your worst fear about NC? Mine, me or ex getting a serious illness and/or dying and the other person doesn't even know. After spending some much of your life together and the other person could just die without you knowing, find it odd. Weird huh? I've actually wished a few of the above on my ex at points....yes, I'm a bad person, straight to HELL for me. But who hasnt had visions similar,come on, the mad thoughts of a crazy broken hearted person? I have a seroius illness, he comes rushing to take care of me and realises he cant live without me? Or my self employed ex having a recurrence of his back injury, can't work, loses his house, cant support his ex wife - 'oh if only I'd kept that wonderful strong woman SummerRose by my side to take care of me. My awful jealous daughter doesn't want to know me now, I was SO WRONG to let SR slip through my hands'. LOLOLOLOLOL!!!!
elseaacych Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 Jivy and FortunateSon's posts, all the way. Also, I fear that he will come back after I've moved on, and I'll have to tell him no in no equivocal terms. 2
Haydn Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 Agree. Yes they do tend to pop up when the grass turns out not to be greener. Jivy and FortunateSon's posts, all the way. Also, I fear that he will come back after I've moved on, and I'll have to tell him no in no equivocal terms. 1
Summerrose2013 Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 Jivy and FortunateSon's posts, all the way. Also, I fear that he will come back after I've moved on, and I'll have to tell him no in no equivocal terms. Why do you fear this? Isn't this every dumpees fantasy? They come begging to be taken back and you don't want them. You have a gorgeous/rich/handsome new partner who makes them feel inadequate...they rue your loss for eternity and can never be quite happy with another partner.....or am I just having a particularly vindictive day? 1
elseaacych Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 Why do you fear this? Isn't this every dumpees fantasy? They come begging to be taken back and you don't want them. You have a gorgeous/rich/handsome new partner who makes them feel inadequate...they rue your loss for eternity and can never be quite happy with another partner.....or am I just having a particularly vindictive day? I can only speak for myself here, but, I was dedicated to the relationship for as long as it lasted. Save abuse, cheating, or irreconcilable differences (that had attempted to be reconciled), I was not going to leave my ex. I loved him, and I didn't want to risk losing him if we hadn't made an attempt to work through our problems. Unfortunately, he left me before we could work through our problems. I still don't want to be put in a place where I have to reject him though. Because I love him. (Doesn't mean I can be with him.) 1
guest572 Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 Fear of letting go and accepting the situation, fear of the loneliness that follows. 4
malin819 Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 Fear of letting go and accepting the situation, fear of the loneliness that follows. I can say I felt the sameway...fear of being alone and not finding anybody else Thats why I started seeing a psychologist 2 months and I don't regret it one bit. I know what I'm worth and what I can offer. I used to have the same mentality and it held me back. I won't lie I do have some days that I think about her and what she is doing but the fact is that she dumped. She wanted out and I have to move on. Also try and look back...when I do I clearly see I dated many beautiful woman and will date more and more
Elle1975 Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 That he won't call me to ask for another chance. That he will call me and I will be afraid to try again and miss out on something. That he will want to try again and I blow it. I am also afraid not to find my match and stay single for the rest of my "good years". Or that I will settle for something that I don't really want. Note that I am fine being alone and hanging with my friends. Some people don't like to be alone with themselves, I actually do. However, life is better when you can share it with a special someone. 2
malin819 Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 That he won't call me to ask for another chance. That he will call me and I will be afraid to try again and miss out on something. That he will want to try again and I blow it. I am also afraid not to find my match and stay single for the rest of my "good years". Or that I will settle for something that I don't really want. Note that I am fine being alone and hanging with my friends. Some people don't like to be alone with themselves, I actually do. However, life is better when you can share it with a special someone. True that but I can't let the hope of her coming back be the source of my motivation...because if they never do you'll be back at square one
Elle1975 Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 True that but I can't let the hope of her coming back be the source of my motivation...because if they never do you'll be back at square one I am not motivated by him coming back into my life. It's something I wish for, but I don't let it be in the way of my life either. Everyday I feel a little better, beside that crappy week end I just went through; but even that I survived and didn't break NC. I put my energy into work, school, and finding somebody else. I won't find anybody if I keep hanging on to hope. I'm kicking myself in the butt to move forward.
realfriends Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 Funnily enough, my worst fear about NC is that I'LL actually move on and be ok...and I can feel myself going that way each and every day. A part of me drags me back and refuses to let go, but that part dies a little every day. I couldn't agree with this more. Ive work so hard moving on and have come so far. Now, I'm scared to make the final leap and burn down the bridge for good. The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn. 1
malin819 Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 I couldn't agree with this more. Ive work so hard moving on and have come so far. Now, I'm scared to make the final leap and burn down the bridge for good. The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn. Life is simple..you make choices and don't look back
Author FredJones80 Posted April 28, 2014 Author Posted April 28, 2014 Funnily enough, my worst fear about NC is that I'LL actually move on and be ok...and I can feel myself going that way each and every day. A part of me drags me back and refuses to let go, but that part dies a little every day. Agree with this one 100%. When you don't want to move on but have to, its awful You then have to let go of what you had and wanted without wanting to. You're force in to a situation you didn't want to be in and have no control over. 2
Summerrose2013 Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 I am not motivated by him coming back into my life. It's something I wish for, but I don't let it be in the way of my life either. Everyday I feel a little better, beside that crappy week end I just went through; but even that I survived and didn't break NC. I put my energy into work, school, and finding somebody else. I won't find anybody if I keep hanging on to hope. I'm kicking myself in the butt to move forward. Proud of you Elle, well done. You are right, when you meet someone new, they deserve you with a clean slate. I'm about 5 weeks post break up. I had a date. At the time I enjoyed the attention, but also he has given me something new to think about BUT I've since been straight with him and said I'm not yet ready to date AND he is still contacting me - AND he seems nice...so who knows?
Elle1975 Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 Proud of you Elle, well done. You are right, when you meet someone new, they deserve you with a clean slate. I'm about 5 weeks post break up. I had a date. At the time I enjoyed the attention, but also he has given me something new to think about BUT I've since been straight with him and said I'm not yet ready to date AND he is still contacting me - AND he seems nice...so who knows? Hey summer, thank you. It preserved my self-esteem not to break NC. Thank God!! You know when I met my ex I told my girlfriend something like "I don't know.. he's really not my type". She said "well hun, your type has gotten you nowhere. Give it a try and see". She was right (love the "your type has gotten you nowhere" haha!! Break the patterns, it's true!). So, give it a try. You've been crystal clear about your state of mind. And let me know, of course 1
malin819 Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 Hey summer, thank you. It preserved my self-esteem not to break NC. Thank God!! You know when I met my ex I told my girlfriend something like "I don't know.. he's really not my type". She said "well hun, your type has gotten you nowhere. Give it a try and see". She was right (love the "your type has gotten you nowhere" haha!! Break the patterns, it's true!). So, give it a try. You've been crystal clear about your state of mind. And let me know, of course IF I ever want to break NC I'll be sure to talk to you before. Seems like we are walking down the same kind of road! 1
Elle1975 Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 IF I ever want to break NC I'll be sure to talk to you before. Seems like we are walking down the same kind of road! lol thanks.. It's the only way for me. It helps me getting back on my feet. Sometimes, rarely, it allows for a reconciliation. However, don't do it with that in mind. I know a lot of us hope for a reconciliation; I don't lie to myself. However, I remind myself that he walked away, was clear he didn't love me, and I need to move forward. I have a lot to offer to my special someone. We have a saying "don't feed jam to a pig". It means, don't waste the good things you have to offer on someone who isn't deserving (or willing)" 2
STM206 Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 That I'll never hear from him again... And that he won't even try to get me back at some point so the ball is in my court for once. 1
malin819 Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 I believe we will always hear from them in one point in our life...to be honest it was like this with most of my exes 1
Author FredJones80 Posted April 28, 2014 Author Posted April 28, 2014 I believe we will always hear from them in one point in our life...to be honest it was like this with most of my exes Was that a good thing? or would you of preferred not to? I think I'd like to hear something, just as validation that I actually mattered in her life at some point and the whole past 10 years wasn't just one big wasted joke. 2
malin819 Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 Was that a good thing? or would you of preferred not to? I think I'd like to hear something, just as validation that I actually mattered in her life at some point and the whole past 10 years wasn't just one big wasted joke. Well I can say this...I got back with them a few times each and look where I'm standing now. Yep you are right I'm single!! I have worked so hard those past months on being the guy I want to be and I want to offer it to someone who won't take it for granted. Getting back with an ex can work (I have seen it) but the past will always come back to haunt the relationship. Its fun receiving a txt or call...but don't read too much into and think real hard before you take any form of action. 2
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