barbossa Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 What emotional baggage do you have from past relationships and how are you dealing with them? How does your emotional baggage affect who and how you date? 1
Candy_Pants Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 I don't have baggage. I realize every relationship happened for a reason. And I've grown a lot from my experiences. I've also not exactly had an "easy" life, so getting over pain has become something I'm quite good at . 1
Woggle Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 While I have improved dramatically from how I was even two years ago I still have trust issues with women that surface time to time and it doesn't take much for me to get heated when speaking about gender. I am trying to better myself about that though.
Mrin Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 Great question. I've dated a lot. Been hurt. Hurt others. I guess my only true baggage is this: 1. I know what I want and if I am not getting it I am quick to sever the cord 2. I am often too quick the sever the cord 3. I don't have time for games unless I don't realize it is a game and in that case I love the chase. Hope that makes sense. 1
acrosstheuniverse Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 I've had two relationships ended by guys that seemingly came outta the blue, men I was very much in love with. So I guess my baggage is that I am constantly aware of the possibility of something ending and it's hard to get that out of my head and just enjoy the ride, I sorta feel 'well if that can end like that, anything can'. My major breakup was late 2012 and late last year I had a second breakup so I guess it's not too distant in my history. So I tend to keep people at arm's length, I'm generally pretty good at that... but when the 'right' person comes along, it all changes. I still keep in the back of my mind the possibility of it ending and them disappearing at any moment because I just want to prepare myself in case it happens. But with the right person those thoughts of it ending get fewer and fewer as the months progress. I just find it really hard to trust anybody at all. Apparently I suffer from textbook abandonment issues, not just from dating and relationships but from several family relationships that have broken down, being hurt by others in my life. On the flipside though I'm not too scared of bad things happening anymore because I almost feel 'well if I got through that, I can get through anything' about the last few years of my life (lots of bad stuff happening) so I feel kinda bulletproof. Sure, someone could leave me again but at least I know that I can pull through it. 1
Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 just my insecurity! or insecurities are baggage? in that case we should all just get counselling? I haven't had a big deal relationship since the age of 20 I am now 30. So, you can imagine, the kind of guys I attract are awkward, shy and immature. This is because they don't have a lot of experience either. I either attract players who know they can get away with using me because of my lack of experience or guys who are so needy that it's smothering. Baggage is a plight of everyone's existence. It doesn't matter if you have had lots of experience or none, everyone has insecurities so therefore everyone has baggage. Best thing is to target the baggage before it gets to you and makes you a target. Go see a counsellor. My issues were anger. Everyone has to clear that stuff up before they enter a relationship. It's a myth that a relationship makes these things disappear, if anything, your baggage comes through the cracks and rises to the surface, because there is someone loving you and not judging you.... if you have spent your life thinking that people don't love you and judge you, anger will come through the cracks... baggage will emerge and you will be faced with a dilemma. I don't want to be the mother of someone. I have learnt to be independent. Some people with baggage don't take responsibility for it, hoping that a relationship will fix it. It doesn't. It just makes things weird and uncomfortable. 1
Targetlock Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 my baggage is a lack of any real experience of relationships and just a lot of disappointing attempts and failures i guess.
Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 my baggage is a lack of any real experience of relationships and just a lot of disappointing attempts and failures i guess. I understand you whole heartedly
thecrucible Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 Well I guess I have some baggage. I had a guy who was physically abusive and would let out his anger by hurting - I've also experienced men who've been manipulative. I usually keep people at arms' length until I feel comfortable enough to let them in. I've also dated guys who've pretty much used me as dating practice so I rule out guys who've never been in relationships before as I don't want to be used again. With the past abuse issues, I've largely got over it and I feel a lot better now. My ideas about men used to be completely warped but the more men I meet, the more I understand and the more I realise what's good for me. I'm not a victim though...I've hurt people too so that is part of my baggage because I have certain regrets. I'd like to think I've learned a lesson from that and won't make the same mistakes with people and that I've become a much better than I was before. At the same time, I'm less love-seeking than I was before. I fall for guys less easily. I hardly ever experience infatuation-like feelings. I sometimes think there's something wrong with me because the teenage hormones have worn out (am 24 now). 1
Giggle Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 I withdraw.. But thats just me and I try not to. I seem to have a thing for guys states away from me though. It is so much easier to talk when they aren't looking at me! Lol. I have very shy tendancies.
ASG Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 I was thinking about it and drawing a bit of a blank... But then I realised I was going over a potential fight in my head... And it hit me. My baggage is lack of faith. Not lack of trust. Lack of faith. I always assume people will not come through for me and I work on a worst case scenario basis most of the time. It is very tiring! Specially when you have an overactive imagination! This is something I mostly keep to myself though... But, in a way, it kinda keeps people at arms length, since I'm sure they'll disappoint me somehow. It takes a while for that barrier to come down. And while it's still up, even if the person is doing every thing right, I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. It's very tiring in my head!!! 1
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