moving2fast Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 Hi Loveshack members, I'm just in need of some advice. I've been dating my bf since late December. He and I have been on some unstable footing and I think he and I have made it past our expiry dates. He wants me to move in and proceed with my personal goals, but I feel as though I'm being smothered and I just want out. I just want to be alone to as I please without any guilt trips. I'm tired of him constantly checking on me, I just want my privacy. Moving in would take away the space I have. I have tried so hard to be a better person I just realize I'm not meant to be with anyone. I try telling him and he is so hard to sway I end up just caving in and sticking around feeling guilty. I don't want to get persuaded into making us work. I don't want to make the compromises. I will end up disappointing him again if I say what he wants to hear. Honestly I just want to be alone. I don't care about what he sees happening in our future or how much he's put into us. I just want to be able to breathe. Sorry just not in a good mood.
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 Hi Loveshack members, I'm just in need of some advice. I've been dating my bf since late December. He and I have been on some unstable footing and I think he and I have made it past our expiry dates. He wants me to move in and proceed with my personal goals, but I feel as though I'm being smothered and I just want out. I just want to be alone to as I please without any guilt trips. I'm tired of him constantly checking on me, I just want my privacy. Moving in would take away the space I have. I have tried so hard to be a better person I just realize I'm not meant to be with anyone. I try telling him and he is so hard to sway I end up just caving in and sticking around feeling guilty. I don't want to get persuaded into making us work. I don't want to make the compromises. I will end up disappointing him again if I say what he wants to hear. Honestly I just want to be alone. I don't care about what he sees happening in our future or how much he's put into us. I just want to be able to breathe. Sorry just not in a good mood. I'm not really sure if there is a question in here..... Sounds like you made up your mind. I would tell him what you feel and go from there. I wish you luck
Author moving2fast Posted April 28, 2014 Author Posted April 28, 2014 I apologize. I don't know how to firmly say any of this. Every time I try it just gets twisted and I feel bad for bringing anything up. He will say I need to stop trying to avoid being loved, stop trying to push him away, mention all he has done for me, why throw everything away? I can't give an acceptable response, feel really bad and I have to cheer him up. I don't know how to break up or even really be heard.
Brett Favre Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 Attend couples counseling. You both are too immature to make it work on your own. I believe that some soul-searching may be in order if either of you have a chance at a meaningful relationship. All the best.
BlueIris Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 I agree with Certified Stud that this guy you're dating, OP, doesn't sound healthy. He is a controller, which can become a terrible nightmare. He doesn't have to agree to let you go, and has no right to ignore your decision or tell you you're wrong. Call him and tell him you've decided the relationship isn't a good fit for you and that you wish him all the best in the future. Simple. Indisputable. If he starts arguing with you or telling you what you should feel or do, just repeat one more time that you've made a decision and you wish him the best. If he draws it out, just say you have to go, and hang up. If he calls/texts back, turn off your phone.
KaliLove Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 You just have to suck it up and do it. If one person wants out, the relationship is over. You need to stick to your guns and just walk away. Stop letting him guilt you into staying in a relationship you're not happy with. Grow some lady balls!
Author moving2fast Posted April 28, 2014 Author Posted April 28, 2014 Thanks everyone. I'm going to try and talk tomorrow. Things are complicated, we work together(he hired me, really don't know how to tackle that part). He has been a great source of support, helped me get so much of my in shape after all the wrong I was doing. He helped me find a therapist and the change of job is a lot. There is just a lot that I don't feel happy with. I know he loves me, I feel terrible for wanting my space. Most days we are together. From his position moving in makes sense, we are always together, less for me have to worry about, he could keep an eye on things better because all my things would be there. Me wanting space is just selfish. He will just accuse me of wanting to go backwards and do bad things. I will admit I'm not very mature when it comes to serious relationships. I also don't want to be in another bad relationship. He is older and wiser than I am, so he does not listen to me. I have no reason to distrust or doubt him, he isn't violent, he is generous and supportive. I don't have anyone else to lean on. He really is only trying to protect me and take care of me. I just feel stuck.
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