Why Don't Guys Ask Me Out?

[brooklynbornxo]

So I am 18 years old and I have NEVER been asked out before. I get a lot of attention from guys (and girls) both in school and while running daily errands but no guy has ever asked me out. I am often told that I am really attractive and have a great personality, so I don't understand why no one have ever tried "getting to know me better". Also, all of my friends have told me that when they first met me, I came off as sweet and innocent, so it can't be my demeanor that chases them away. Can anyone offer advice on what I might be doing wrong, or what the problem may be? Thanks in advanced!

[marcjb]

Have you considered asking someone out that you are interested in?

[brooklynbornxo]

I have considered it, but i'm really shy and TERRIFIED of rejection so that isn't really an option for me.

[Ninjainpajamas]

We can't see a picture of you so we don't know if you look like a goat or could melt ice with your hotness.

 

The thing is, a lot of guys around your age have no idea what they're doing with women...personally it was mostly women pursuing me up until that age, I had no idea what I was doing really, I just simply talked to women as friends but at the time I didn't even know I was doing anything right or wrong, knew very little about attracting women or pursuing them even though I had been in multiple relationships since I was 13, all from women who had pursued me first. If it wasn't for them, I don't even know what would have happened.

 

You're still so young that things are not even remotely starting for you, once you get into college or if you're there now you should start getting attention, older guys will swarm on you like sharks or just guys that have built up the courage, a lot of guys with go in through the friend route.

 

Some women have an intimidating look, you might be too hot for your own good but there are guys out there who know they'll have the edge because they're confident and older, so you should definitely see those guys coming soon, they hover around the girls in their early 20's mostly. Right now for you it might just be kind of simple, it's the simplest when you are wrong because everyone is just learning and figuring everything out.

 

At any rate, we can't tell you why boys aren't into you, but stay confident in yourself and don't panic, it all feels more dramatic than it really is, these guys will come around, and hopefully when that time comes you won't desperately try to seek their validation. Boys are nothing but trouble anyway, trust me I am one

[LordVader]

if people say u r attractive, and u get interest, maybe they just don't think u r interested in them? Maybe they are bad at reading stuff too ?

[GoreSP]

Have you considered asking someone out that you are interested in?

 

This. I'm 33 and I think I've been asked out once.

Last year.

 

The rest of the time I'm usually the one doing the asking. The worst thing that will happen is 'no' and it's really not the end of the world...

[GoreSP]

I have considered it, but i'm really shy and TERRIFIED of rejection so that isn't really an option for me.

 

Well, I say this with all the love in the world, but perhaps you should wait until you are ready to date like an adult?

 

If you aren't willing to risk rejection by asking someone out, why would someone take the risk with you?

Just sayin'

[carhill]

Can anyone offer advice on what I might be doing wrong, or what the problem may be?

 

IMO focus on school and expand your social circle through activities you find interesting. More exposure equals more opportunities. It'll come.

[Versacehottie]

Shy coupled with good-looking can sometimes come off as icy, standoffish or unapproachable to those that don't know you well. Your friends know you therefore may have a different recollection or interpretation of those that don't know you well (ie guys with potential to ask you out). Work on being more friendly and outgoing so guys will be more comfortable around you. Also why not be as focused as directly flirting with guys that you are attracted to. My guess all you need at 18 is a little momentum. Good luck!

[d0nnivain]

Are you friendly? Do you smile & look approachable?

[MixedUpChick]

I have considered it, but i'm really shy and TERRIFIED of rejection so that isn't really an option for me.

 

Shy coupled with good-looking can sometimes come off as icy, standoffish or unapproachable to those that don't know you well. Your friends know you therefore may have a different recollection or interpretation of those that don't know you well (ie guys with potential to ask you out). Work on being more friendly and outgoing so guys will be more comfortable around you.

 

Are you friendly? Do you smile & look approachable?

 

OP, this is really good info. for you. I'm a lot older than you but I'm an introvert & I know I sometimes come off as standoffish or unapproachable because of it. You have to make a point to work on being more outwardly friendly, & make sure you make eye contact & smile at people in social situations - even if it seems weird & uncomfortable to you. A few years ago I realized if I did something as simple as ordering a pizza, I wasn't even making eye contact with the person who delivered it. Since then, I've been making myself be more chatty & outwardly friendly to strangers & people I meet in various areas of my life. It makes a big difference in how other people perceive you.

 

Also - you can't waste time & energy being afraid of rejection, rejection will happen, so what, it's just part of life. I read something not long ago about rejection, the author said you need to give people permission not to want you, you don't want every person you meet so why would you expect everyone will want you?

[brooklynbornxo]

YES a lot actually. I smile even more when i don't know people because it's a nervous habit. Maybe i seem weird because of that..idk

[Speakingofwhich]

Warmth and friendliness are two things that seem to attract people.

 

Are you genuinely interested in others? Enough so that when you're interacting with them you aren't thinking about what kind of impression you're making with them but rather focusing on what they may be thinking and/or especially what they may be feeling?

 

Most people are responsive if you key into the little things that affect their day.

 

I once found myself very suddenly thrown together (introduced) at an event with an A listed movie star I hadn't realized would be there. Within seconds I had to figure out how to relate with her.

 

It was raining that day so I asked her how her plane trip to the event had been. Then asked about her children, etc. She was eager to vent about the rough plane ride and to boast about her musical child so we hit it off famously in just minutes.

 

Imho, it's the personal kind of routine things about their lives/days people want to talk about and perceive questions about such things as warmth and charisma.

 

View guys/men as people who have challenges and joys they'd love to talk about, not as potential dates/boyfriends. When they talk to you, connect with them by looking straight into their eyes and listen intently to what they have to say, thinking of questions to respond with that you may have about what they've said! And a warm smile is almost always appropriate.

[brooklynbornxo]

OP, this is really good info. for you. I'm a lot older than you but I'm an introvert & I know I sometimes come off as standoffish or unapproachable because of it. You have to make a point to work on being more outwardly friendly, & make sure you make eye contact & smile at people in social situations - even if it seems weird & uncomfortable to you. A few years ago I realized if I did something as simple as ordering a pizza, I wasn't even making eye contact with the person who delivered it. Since then, I've been making myself be more chatty & outwardly friendly to strangers & people I meet in various areas of my life. It makes a big difference in how other people perceive you.

 

Also - you can't waste time & energy being afraid of rejection, rejection will happen, so what, it's just part of life. I read something not long ago about rejection, the author said you need to give people permission not to want you, you don't want every person you meet so why would you expect everyone will want you?

Thanks for the advice, i'm definitely going to work on eye contact because i ALWAYS avoid eve contact with people; i guess that's also because i'm shy.

[Joangel]

I have a similar problem...but anyway, guys don't ask girls put like that anymore. My daughter (15) has guys always chasing her but it's a process. First they friend on social media, then they sent flirty messages with hints that they like each other, then they "talk" and lastly lay they hang out with a group to the movies or some event. After all that goes well, THEN the boy will say would you like to meet me at...fill in the blank. Never really calling it a date unless it went well and only afterwords. If they didn't like each other it will be something like "yeah we hung out, she's a cool friend". It's such a process. The whole thing takes months! In the meantime get on your twitter or what have you and start complementing some boys without begin too forward. See if anyone bites.