Author Matelow Posted May 28, 2014 Author Posted May 28, 2014 Hey guys, Need you lovely peoples advice. So I have been in NC with the ex - we broke up about 2 months ago. Obviously feelings are still there, but it is getting better. Anyways, I was out shopping, and got back to her leaving me a message saying "May I ask you something?" and 2 missed calls. I have replied back (stupidly or not - you tell me!) Whats up? Not received anything back yet, but shall I just kill this now, or see what she has to say. Pretty sure I know what you are going to say - but just need some reassurance Thanks!
elseaacych Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 ARGH. HATE THIS SITUATION. Too vague! Useless! All she wants at this point is to see if you would respond! If you have a question, you should flat out ask it! She's just trying to see if she can get your attention, honestly. Don't respond if you don't want to. (Still shouldn't respond even if you do.) Seriously, if it's important, she will stop being vague and get to the point. 1
BC1980 Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 No response. If it's that important, they will text you with specifics. They lost ths right to have you at your beck and call anytime. 1
Author Matelow Posted May 28, 2014 Author Posted May 28, 2014 So I should really nip this in the bud from now on then? Well if she does reply after, then I will see what she wanted to say, but if she doesn't...ahhh well... If she was calling you and you were there, would you have picked up the phone?
CaliBabe Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 She is messing with you and making you wait by the phone waiting for a response. It is a game and you fell for it. Next time NC all the way. If it were important she would have straight out asked.
organizedchaos Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 EX: "May I ask you something?" YOU: "Sure! What's up?" Waits for the big question: EX: "Should I wait for the new iPhone or upgrade now?" Blech. 3
Author Matelow Posted May 29, 2014 Author Posted May 29, 2014 Thanks Mod for merging the 2 threads - sorry, I am new to the forums
BC1980 Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 So I should really nip this in the bud from now on then? Well if she does reply after, then I will see what she wanted to say, but if she doesn't...ahhh well... If she was calling you and you were there, would you have picked up the phone? I would block the number.
roe007 Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 So true!! they know even if they ignore or act mean they have some kind of noose over us some power they posses. My ex did that to me but when I realized it I stopped it by saying I don't want friendship. She don't deserve even the friendship so go NC. Don't keep thinking she is good or bad. Just try not to think about her at all. That is the best way
roe007 Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 EX: "May I ask you something?" YOU: "Sure! What's up?" Waits for the big question: EX: "Should I wait for the new iPhone or upgrade now?" Blech. haha wow this has happened to me. She called after 2 weeks into break up and I was not contacting her. She asked how to change the menu language on phone back to english. What the heck I was surprised.. 1
Author Matelow Posted June 11, 2014 Author Posted June 11, 2014 So I still get the hurt murmur type thing when I think about my ex. It is almost constant - just a feeling of emptiness. Im doing everything right - Im going to the gym, put on about 6kg in about 1.5 months. Going out with my mates all the time. And the gym is my new hobby. Every textbook thing that you are supposed to do with NC I am doing, and it still sucks. I just do not feel any better. Now if you look at the previous threads of mine, my ex now (I would assume, not asked, or Facebook stalked as she is blocked) has a boyfriend after ringing up to tell me (after being NC and a month and a half after the break) that she found someone and he treats her well. So I know I need to respect the guy in question and her to be honest. I get that if she doesn't want to be with me, then thats her decision. Sucks for me, but not my choice. But, I dream and think of her constantly. Nothing seems to work to get me through the pain. When I am out and something happens that reminds me of her, it gets me all down. I am starting to annoy myself to be honest. I was in work the other day, and I have a running joke about if someone mentions something of her nationality - I will say something like "AWWWW STOP BRINGING IT UP!!!" (obviously joking!) So my boss was like, you must be over her by now?! If not, you need to find some way of getting her back! So thats when I thought - I am in NC, not speaking to her and I have lost her if I do this - so why not break NC and try and get something going again? Stupid to some maybe, but you can see my logic? I keep thinking I will be with her eventually - the best thing to come of this? I am not missing the gym and staying dedicated because of it. Which isn't actually a bad thing I guess! Can anyone give me any pointers or new ideas to get her out of my head? Driving myself slightly insane
carrie_o Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 Usually I would suggest a hobby or going out with friends but you said you are already doing that... Personally, I tend to binge read fiction books after a break up. Just read story after story after story. It's nice having a distraction. Get lost in someone else's story until yours doesn't seem so bad... That's what I would do.
redbaron005 Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 It's not about numbing the pain or distracting yourself from your feelings. Allow yourself to feel. You need to in order to process those feelings, what NC assists in. No one said it was going to be easy. Often the consequence of self-discipline and respect through NC is a series of lessons. It's what you ultimately do with these lessons that determines the success or failure of your NC efforts. Also the three month mark is pretty bad for a couple of weeks as you realize it's a done deal. No breaking NC till at least month six-eight when your former SO will have a better sense of their feelings as you yours. 1
Elle1975 Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 haha wow this has happened to me. She called after 2 weeks into break up and I was not contacting her. She asked how to change the menu language on phone back to english. What the heck I was surprised.. An ex I broke up with a couple years ago or so contacted me. A couple weeks before that he had sent me a similar message. Anyway.. He asked me how to put a harness on his dog.. I replied saying they had tutorial on youtube lol I know it was kind of mean, but #1 the reason for my break up was his constant lies, #2 I have zero interest in seeing this guy again.
Simon Phoenix Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 So I still get the hurt murmur type thing when I think about my ex. It is almost constant - just a feeling of emptiness. Im doing everything right - Im going to the gym, put on about 6kg in about 1.5 months. Going out with my mates all the time. And the gym is my new hobby. Every textbook thing that you are supposed to do with NC I am doing, and it still sucks. I just do not feel any better. Now if you look at the previous threads of mine, my ex now (I would assume, not asked, or Facebook stalked as she is blocked) has a boyfriend after ringing up to tell me (after being NC and a month and a half after the break) that she found someone and he treats her well. So I know I need to respect the guy in question and her to be honest. I get that if she doesn't want to be with me, then thats her decision. Sucks for me, but not my choice. But, I dream and think of her constantly. Nothing seems to work to get me through the pain. When I am out and something happens that reminds me of her, it gets me all down. I am starting to annoy myself to be honest. I was in work the other day, and I have a running joke about if someone mentions something of her nationality - I will say something like "AWWWW STOP BRINGING IT UP!!!" (obviously joking!) So my boss was like, you must be over her by now?! If not, you need to find some way of getting her back! So thats when I thought - I am in NC, not speaking to her and I have lost her if I do this - so why not break NC and try and get something going again? Stupid to some maybe, but you can see my logic? I keep thinking I will be with her eventually - the best thing to come of this? I am not missing the gym and staying dedicated because of it. Which isn't actually a bad thing I guess! Can anyone give me any pointers or new ideas to get her out of my head? Driving myself slightly insane Actually, you aren't doing NC. You talked to her two weeks ago! NC needs to be done 100 percent. Everytime she messages you, you respond. I'm sorry dude, that's not NC and that's why it's not getting better. You need to be hardcore and block her from every form of communication. But to sum it up, the reason why it's not very effective is because you are cutting corners. Every time you respond, you set your clock back to zero. Try actually sticking to NC and you'll realize that your healing will come.
April Moon Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 Hey! Did she ever respond to that question she had to ask you before? 1
Author Matelow Posted July 10, 2014 Author Posted July 10, 2014 Hey! Did she ever respond to that question she had to ask you before? Yep - she had people ring her up from my country and were laughing down the phone. She thought it was me or my friends. It wasn't. I don't think I am getting any better to be honest. I am busy with work, and with my social life. Hitting the gym very frequently. All the things you would advise to do. Where the pain is a bit less, its has not gone and is still substantial. I keep thinking of ways where I can see her. This was a LDR and I will never see her again. Probably for the best? Maybe. I cut EVERY form of contact. No whatsapp, no messages, no Facebook, nothing. I even got a message from her about that she hopes my team wins in the world cup. Didn't reply. Why is this not going away? Been NC properly for around 1.5 months now. I am still not interested in other girls - its really throwing my game off! Again, I am starting to crack even though its wrong. I keep thinking of way I will see her and win her back. I am driving myself genuinely crazy to the point where I do not think I am happy anymore. Advice anyone?
scobro Posted July 10, 2014 Posted July 10, 2014 she was in a serious relationship about 2 months before meeting me red flag......
Author Matelow Posted July 10, 2014 Author Posted July 10, 2014 red flag...... Quite a substantial time for a rebound though isn't it? 1.5 years? Or prolonged because of the LDR?
Recommended Posts