Damaged goods?

[oldshirt]

 

 

. Cook in the kitchen, lady in parlor, whore in the bedroom.

 

 

 

Oh Gawd! You are my dream woman!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

.... OK, I'll stop now, but you get my point ;-)

[Joangel]

"Is he just trying to make me feel better or are guys really that shallow?"

 

I've learned over the years why women are so often surprised is because they heard about men in the past or present but always thought/think the men they dated were different or the exceptions to the rule...only to find they were exactly what they heard but wanted to believe was the "minority". And in all reality IMO, you will never know how the men in your life truly thought and felt about you, I can guarantee you that because EVERYTHING is filtered and I will same it works the same way the other way around.

 

But any negative thing said about men, many women want to believe it's only associated with "that guy" or "those type of guys", conveniently guys you will never meet or that you will always avoid of course, but not THAT guy you're interested, no of course not, he's one of the GOOD guys...I mean he is so well-behaved and acts like a gentlemen when he meets a woman, he just has to be a man of value, integrity and character, of course of course, couldn't possibly be one of "those type of guys" because those guys ONLY wear big signs on their foreheads and act exactly like you would expect them to, just like the evil witch in a Disney movie, because that's your black and white world. And then when the GOOD guy, turns sour, then it was just THAT guy who was capable of it or thought differently, it couldn't have been any of the other guys.

 

Look ladies, there may be different types of men but for different reasons than you may believe but they're not as far detached from one another as you may think...the great thing about real life is I can actually tell why that guy acts that way...for some quick examples;

 

EXAMPLES NOT HARD TRUTHS PEOPLE!

 

Female version: "He calls me often, always checks up on me so he seems really into me as much as I am him, always wants to know if I'm safe or where I'm at, he really loves me because he constantly checks in on me and I like that"

 

Man truth: Future jealous and controlling, gets upset whenever you talk to other men, suspicious whenever you go out and contacts you constantly.

 

Female version: "He really respects me, he takes me out, he buys me nice things, he treats me like a woman should be treated"

 

Man truth: Insecure man, feels that he needs to do this to keep a woman because he's a people pleaser and doesn't feel confident that a woman would be interested in him without it furthermore this is what he feels obligated to do either by right or culture and because he puts you on an unnecessary pedestal.

 

The point I'm trying to make is women misinterpret male behavior all of the damn time, I get asked in real life and I want to bang my head against the wall and I've got to go through the deets and break-down what this guy REALLY is doing because there's always this like benefit of the doubt thing compounded with the attitude of "I feeel like something is kind of weird or odd but should I actually listen to, maybe I'll ask one of my clueless GF's about it and we'll both come up with a ridiculous reason that makes absolutely no sense to any man but to us" I mean I'm just blown away constantly at the things women think or say about why they think men do this or that, and at how oblivious some women can be even if it's punching them in the face...like what, where, how do women even come up with this stuff? it's like every fantasy that can be created in order to avoid the plain truth, and you say it with a straight face like you ACTUALLY believe it! shame on you!

 

Now this one guy, tells you the truth...which in real life is a real damn rarity to be honest, and online c'mon...anyone can say anything here and mostly it's not exactly men spilling the beans on anything. I tell people things that are true that no one will ever believe not because it's not true but it's like an unacceptable reality to accept and it's easier to just make up some lie or some imaginary thought that people like to have but couldn't justify or explain on their best day.

 

So yes, yes, yes! many guys do feel that way about women and their age and with children, yes yes yes it's true....not all of them, but men out there definitely do judge women by their age, looks, marital status (current and past) and whether she has children or not...yes yes yes, contrary to popular belief while you ladies talk about men while washing each others bodies in the shower (hey I can fantasize too) yes, many men will consider you "used up", "unworthy" as future potential wife material, too old and your vagina is like a near dried up oil well. It's not unheard of, I hear it yes from men, yes those men with the two legs and who go to work every day and you call coach, doctor, or whatever else, it's the kind of thing as a man you don't even have to say out loud in fact it's just like with women, if they can relate to a situation they can understand why a woman is reacting or feeling that way even if it seems totally whacky and bizarre to men because to us it makes no sense, but you as a woman GET IT, it's the same kind of thing.

 

Now I'm not here to tell you this is how every guy is and break you little heart, but yes there are a group of men, A VERY LARGE GROUP of men that roam the plains of wherever you are that would view women this way, it's a thing that some guys feel is important for them...they want to start new, start fresh, they might want to marry for the first time together, have children together for the first time and etc...yes, they might play the field and bang the "whores" for now then wifey the "good girl" who's vagina is more "clean" and untapped but honestly, unless it matters to you what every single guy wants or thinks it doesn't really concern you...you're concerned with the men who don't think that way, because the guys who do feel like the above aren't going to be interested in you, and I would hope that you don't find that hurtful...there are all kinds of people in this world with different wants, needs, and expectations, the morality line I can assure you is not black and white by any stretch of the imagination and differs wildly....I've seen women do things that have shocked me, they downright admit and aren't even ashamed of how they use men, and this is way more below the belt than I've personally seen men ever do, so it's just not men who think or judge or have their entitlements or demands of what they want.

 

I'm through educating women on men, there is no point and it goes in one ear and out the other and doesn't work anyway so these posts will get fewer and fewer, I'll stick to deciphering the code with these "oh so rare and mysterious men" of yours which I just happen to magically understand and interpret their behavior without ever meeting them because they're all so different and unique...but anyway at the end of the day it's just not what many want to hear or ever except and feels like a doomday scenario for many. Believe in whatever voodoo you want and what makes it easier to sleep at night, but for love of baby jesus, at least...for the sake of yourself, listen to a tiny bit of what men tell you, because the ***** they tell you that you believe is more often a lie and they ***** they tell you that you think is kidding or a half-truth like "not wanting to be in relationship"...you know, unimportant stuff like that, keep in mind instead you could be potentially dating a guy who is not what you think he is just because of how he looks and acts with you so far and based on your interpretation.

 

And yes, Joangel, he believes you are washed up and many men will that's just the reality for a group of men out there, usually unmarried without children themselves of course (but don't put it past a person to be a hypocrite) but he told you the truth on one hand then lied on the other, he has to protect the relationship and his integrity in spite of telling you the truth, he cannot let you know how he really feels or he jeopardizes the relationship and your emotions, this is why men often twist the truth or only give you a dose of it, the truth is women don't want to really know or hear it but you know Joangel I'm sure he's made that clear up to the point of actually admitting to you. And this is the problem with men telling women the truth, it's the messenger that gets shot, he gets blamed for that point of view even if he were informing you about men in general...so it's a futile cause it really just turns the gun on you.

 

But don't worry, I'm confident he wants to still be your friend and would still sleep with you if he had the chance anyway. So just tell him thanks for telling you the truth, you appreciate it, but you only think HE feels that way and like two other guys out there on the planet that you'll PROBABLY never meet, and if you meet a guy who does accept that then you'll just discredit his advice based on your own "personal" experience...and honestly Joangel, it's probably for the best that way anyway, maybe it's better you don't really know what they're thinking like with most women.

 

At the end of the day, for women it's simply about avoiding the wrong type of men for them, even if the guy they're really looking for is the minority...the trick is not to grow impatient or give up and continue putting yourself out there and learning to filter out the men who don't have the right qualities you're looking for, it's that simple, yes it's hard, yes it's draining, yes yes "why can't it just be easy" I know I know...but this is the way it is, I'm no Santa Claus and Mr. Right aren't presents I have to give away or anyone else.

 

Maybe you should switch to decaf...

[GoreSP]

Would like to hear from the guys. One of my male friends and I have a long running argument on what is considered damaged goods. He insist divorced women over thirty with kids are damaged goods and that guys will only want them for sex. I always have to remind him I am right I that category but then he says " I don't mean you, your different ". Is he just trying to make me feel better or are guys really that shallow?

 

Tell your friend women don't like men who thinks people should live in a world of rainbow kisses and unicorn smiles and those who don't are 'damaged goods'

[Ninjainpajamas]

Maybe you should switch to decaf...

 

You must be new around here..

[GoreSP]

You must be new around here..

 

I know your post is probably super insightful…but I drank wine. Care to make a short resume?

lol

I kid I kid

[Ninjainpajamas]

I know your post is probably super insightful…but I drank wine. Care to make a short resume?

lol

I kid I kid

 

First part: Stuff you don't want to hear

 

Second part: more stuff you don't want to hear

 

Last part: Spicy reality tv show drama

 

What important here is you acknowledged that it was super insightful without reading it...I am here for the fame and noteriety after all

[GoreSP]

First part: Stuff you don't want to hear

 

Second part: more stuff you don't want to hear

 

Last part: Spicy reality tv show drama

 

What important here is you acknowledged that it was super insightful without reading it...I am here for the fame and noteriety after all

 

awesome.

 

Well to be honest, if you are going to write such a long post, it HAS to be insightful lol

[Joangel]

I know your post is probably super insightful…but I drank wine. Care to make a short resume?

lol

I kid I kid

 

Lol! I just wonder how much of that rant is really meant for me...sounds like a sensitive issue. I am simultaneously working on a English paper, maybe you could write it for me:p

[GoreSP]

Lol! I just wonder how much of that rant is really meant for me...sounds like a sensitive issue. I am simultaneously working on a English paper, maybe you could write it for me:p

 

If you're looking for a failing grade - yeah I'll write it for you lol

[gaius]

First part: Stuff you don't want to hear

 

Second part: more stuff you don't want to hear

 

Last part: Spicy reality tv show drama

 

What important here is you acknowledged that it was super insightful without reading it...I am here for the fame and noteriety after all

If insight is spoken in the forest but nobody camps around long enough to hear it is it really insightful?

[gaius]

Jo, don't believe much of anything that comes out of a man's mouth. 99% of the time it's about him trying to show you what a stud he is, not anything to do with what he actually wants and desires. Or values.

[Joangel]

Jo, don't believe much of anything that comes out of a man's mouth. 99% of the time it's about him trying to show you what a stud he is, not anything to do with what he actually wants and desires. Or values.

 

How I wish that weren't true but I know it is. I need to find someone is exactly like me...but with a penis. Then, my life will be complete.

[carhill]

How I wish that weren't true but I know it is. I need to find someone is exactly like me...but with a penis. Then, my life will be complete.

Ha, you'd likely not be attracted

 

FWIW, I've got a current example, about 20 years younger than me, 3 kids, apparently now divorced (haven't verified that with the court yet) and, if I was 20 years younger, or even 10, I'd be the next guy she's says no to a date to. The way I see it that she can handle being a single mom, pulling down six figures in a tough job and handling blue collar guys hitting on her all day. Told my best friend to never let her go. Real asset. Best of all, no drama! The opposite of damaged.

 

That could easily be, or is, you. If you're not getting any action, find a demographic with more eligible men! You'd last a week around here, tops!

[Joangel]

Ha, you'd likely not be attracted

 

FWIW, I've got a current example, about 20 years younger than me, 3 kids, apparently now divorced (haven't verified that with the court yet) and, if I was 20 years younger, or even 10, I'd be the next guy she's says no to a date to. The way I see it that she can handle being a single mom, pulling down six figures in a tough job and handling blue collar guys hitting on her all day. Told my best friend to never let her go. Real asset. Best of all, no drama! The opposite of damaged.

 

That could easily be, or is, you. If you're not getting any action, find a demographic with more eligible men! You'd last a week around here, tops!

 

I am interested in an older demographic but it's done nothing for me so far...seems like everyone is searching and no one is finding.

[carhill]

If you've got a son or sons, take them to one of those big parking lot car shows and wander around. Little boys usually like cool cars and there are a lot of single guys your age who are into cars, especially classics and muscle cars. In such interactions you can tell a lot about how a man views a lady with children. Also, since most wives are with their husbands at such events, if at all , it'll be pretty obvious that you're not married.

[xxoo]

Joangel, in the course of living and raising kids, you are sure to meet single dads. Be your charming self, take care to exercise and buy yourself nice clothes so that you look and feel vibrant, and I am certain the men will find you.

 

My teen recently told me that she found out two of her friends are living together, because their respective mom and dad are a couple. Cute!

[Joangel]

If you've got a son or sons, take them to one of those big parking lot car shows and wander around. Little boys usually like cool cars and there are a lot of single guys your age who are into cars, especially classics and muscle cars. In such interactions you can tell a lot about how a man views a lady with children. Also, since most wives are with their husbands at such events, if at all , it'll be pretty obvious that you're not married.

 

Looks like you already answered my next thread. Your right, I only attended car shows when I was married. It was jams packed with men. I don't my son is into the car scene anymore but maybe a motor cross or something.

[preraph]

Any man who would use the term "damaged goods" when referring to a woman is himself damaged goods, not to mention hypocritical, judgmental, chauvenistic, ageist, and entitled. Do not take advice from anyone who talks about women like they're a used pair of boots!

[TXGuy]

If you've got a son or sons, take them to one of those big parking lot car shows and wander around. Little boys usually like cool cars and there are a lot of single guys your age who are into cars, especially classics and muscle cars. In such interactions you can tell a lot about how a man views a lady with children. Also, since most wives are with their husbands at such events, if at all , it'll be pretty obvious that you're not married.

 

Yuk. I'd have to disagree with this one. I would never hit on or approach a woman in front of her children. I don't know if a decent guy would. But maybe that is just me. And I don't have a better idea on where to run into good men.

[carhill]

Going back to the original post, what you have in front of you there is a man who has an opinion about 30+ yo single mothers. Apparently, it shouldn't be an issue since he's a good friend and not a dating prospect. That leaves billions of other guys with their own opinions. It boils down to this: people like what they like. The tone of his comment is what I define as where a preference becomes a judgment, particularly so when couched in such a negative tone. If such tone permeates his personality, perhaps it's time to re-think the friendship, as friendships, in general, should be a positive influence in one's life and generally uplifting.

 

You, of course, have choices as to how you process it, and him.

[carhill]

Yuk. I'd have to disagree with this one. I would never hit on or approach a woman in front of her children. I don't know if a decent guy would. But maybe that is just me. And I don't have a better idea on where to run into good men.

We just have differing ways of interacting with women, that's all. I've been introduced to lots of kids at car shows. Been doing it for 30+ years so far. I don't grope their mothers; there are plenty of ways to indicate 'interest' which don't include adult-only behaviors. Come on. It's a neutral venue without any expectations of anything, just like any other interest. Anyway, the OP is familiar with the venue since her exH evidently was into cars so she knows the drill.

[Joangel]

Yuk. I'd have to disagree with this one. I would never hit on or approach a woman in front of her children. I don't know if a decent guy would. But maybe that is just me. And I don't have a better idea on where to run into good men.

 

Sometimes I think that's part of my issue. I am rarely alone. With my kids or my work group most if the time. I can see men stare and I make eye contact but it doesn't ever go further than that. I think men can casually approach a women through, especially if he has kids too. It's very easy to strike up a conversation in an appropriate manner about the kids. That does gave me a great idea though. I could write my name on my company business card as I am often approached with my work group. It would be easy to find my name under the company FB if they were really trying to get to know me. Maybe that will bring me luck..

[Joangel]

Although, I think damaged goods has a negative vibe, don't you? Not all divorced people are hung up on their old issues. For me, I am entirely over the marriage. I have more frustrations over the dating scene. In the beginning, I was so confident about myself. Now, going on two years I feel like my head has been filled with so much junk from guys, I don't know what's true and what's not. I thought I was a catch but lately I am beginning to think..

[TXGuy]

Although, I think damaged goods has a negative vibe, don't you? Not all divorced people are hung up on their old issues. For me, I am entirely over the marriage. I have more frustrations over the dating scene. In the beginning, I was so confident about myself. Now, going on two years I feel like my head has been filled with so much junk from guys, I don't know what's true and what's not. I thought I was a catch but lately I am beginning to think..

 

I can understand why it is difficult to distinguish between what is true and what is not true. But , I think this thread can give you some insight on why you are getting conflicting, and perhaps wrong, advice. As you can see from this thread, sometimes when someone (often men) give what they honestly belive is truthful, but perhaps non-PC advice, there will be a parade of people (generally women) shaming the non-PC advice giver. They will call him a jerk, low class, worthless, etc. Most people have caught on to this. So rather than give honest, though perhaps tough, feedback...it is much safer to tell the woman what she wants to hear. Despite the fact that the advice is useless, the advice asker will feel better about herself and show appreciation to the useless advice given.

[wrong]

If you are talking about a lot of the men here, I agree. Most of the guys here are lucky if they can buy a date. That is why 90% of all the guys here are online daters. They don't think they have what it takes to land a girl in real life so they take to online dating preying upon the "bottom dwellers" in hopes they find a half way decent looking girl who is desperate, vulnerable or sick of all the BS and ready to settle.

 

Authentic Men are not trying to show you what a stud he is. They are not users, manipulators, players, etc. either.

 

Authentic Men get their self-worth, self-esteem, self-respect, positive self-image, confidence, "mojo", identity, validation, approval, boundaries, leadership, etc. from within. They have their own life / adventure / passions / goals / dreams / etc. all of which he actively pursues. (Instead of trying to make a woman their EVERYTHING.)

 

They have / posses character, integrity, values, morals, honor, etc. They have a sense of purpose and live their life based on their beliefs / principles. They are consistent with what they say and believe and this matches up with the decisions he makes and how he conducts himself.

 

Authentic men without thought or fear of consequences will tell a women (anyone) what is on his mind, what he is doing, what he going to do, thinking, etc. if asked. They have their own personal boundaries, risk takers, self-assured, assertive, courageous, bold, self-confident, aggressive, results-driven, etc. They make their own luck and make things happen. Authentic Men take ZERO crap from women (anyone), have ZERO problems telling women (anyone) NO and because they get all their validation, approval, etc. from within... they do not care if you like them or not. They aren't going to apologize for being a Man and they do mind if a woman (anyone) gets upset or if they make a woman (anyone) angry.

 

Without even saying a word, EVERYONE knows where they stand on most things. Should anyone ever choose to "cross them" or attempt to move their boundaries... They have ZERO problem addressing / confronting that person directly. If there are consequences for attempting to do so, there is NO doubt in anyone's mind that an Authentic Man will enforce those in a fair and just way.

 

Authentic Men do not whine, b1tch, complain or make excuses. They do not explain themselves, ask a lot questions, try to reason or justify things with you, etc. Everyone knows how it's going to be and there are no "ifs", "ands" or "buts".

 

Authentic Men can "ride" the wild waves of a woman's ocean. So Authentic Men are NEVER trying to control, tame, change or compete with you. On his worst day, he can "roll out of bed" and easily be able to "ride" within the wild waves of your ocean. He is a master ocean navigator and can handle whatever ocean you decide to sail upon that day (or better yet... at the moment).

 

You will respect and admire an Authentic Man's friends, relationships (with men and women), their lifestyle, what they say / do and how they conduct themselves will match up and be consistent across all areas of their life.

 

When you are with Authentic Men or in their presence... you will have PEACE! There is no drama, chaos, uncertainty, stress, etc. He LEADS! Meaning... In a very normal and natural way, your relationship is always moving forward. Through his ACTIONS and his words, you will know exactly where you stand, what you mean to him, where things are headed, what his intentions are, etc. You will feel safe, secure and comfortable. The only thing your "gut" and "head" will be telling you is.... Not to not mess it up!

 

 

 

Authentic Men doesn't show you s.hit... He just "is". Authentic Men when they are dating and courting women are trying to determine... What is in it for me?

 

You see, he knows the life / love he has to offer, what he brings to the table and how lucky a woman would be to have him and he is right. She will be treated / loved and have a man who love, respects, values, honors, cherishes, admires, etc. her. He will demonstrate it to her and everyone else daily through actions, words and everything else.

Very strange definition of "authentic".