itsallmental Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 So friday was one month since we broke up, on thursday I found out she was seeing someone else, and that among other things (distance, new to college experience, etc), she left me for him. I'll spare you all the details, except that I haven't once begged her. We've been on good terms, and I've been as respectful and understanding as I possibly could. That said, on thursday when I found out this information (I went looking for it, even though I shouldn't have) I messaged her. I wasn't mean, or anything like that, but I told her I didn't like that she lied to me, that I didn't feel like she gave me a chance to help fix things between us. She was understanding, but she finally just said that the distance between us was something she couldn't see past. I didn't respond to her final message, and I deleted her from FB (I cant continue to look at her page). Since thursday we haven't talked, so It's back to NC. Did I do the right thing? I don't want that to come off as an "f-you", but I just didn't feel like there was much else to say. Shortly after this conversation and me unfriending her, the friend who told me the news contacted me again. She said " I asked her if they were in a relationship, and she said no, that she doesn't have any feelings for him" So I assume that means my ex is in a physical rebound. Summer vacation is coming up, and I expect she'll have lots of time to think about everything while she's home. I'm not holding out too much hope, I don't expect her to come back, and that's for the best. But I still find myself wondering if she'll have a change of heart.. Did I mess up by letting my emotions get the better of me and contacting her? I know it's just back to NC, but will I have pushed her away further, or made her think? I'm just confused and unsure of what to do. Any advice would be great! Thanks!
elseaacych Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 You don't have to do anything. That's the beautiful thing about it. It's all on her. She broke up with you. You took it, accepted it. Nothing you do can make her come back, and it looks like you realize that. So stay NC. Chill out. Take the time to enjoy life, but don't let yourself have too much free time to think and ruminate, otherwise you will keep wondering. Read the NC guide. Resolve that it's over, and she's not going to come back. Grieve. Say goodbye, (not to her). Now. Go work out. Go make yourself happy. Go fly a kite or build a rocket or whatever you want to do, because now is your time to make yourself happy. The best thing you can do is live for yourself in this moment, and look forward to the possibilities you have. 4
Jiivy Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 You didn't mess up. You saw what she was really up to - you saw what she hid from you and it crushed you. You needed to do it and it's done...contact isn't the recommended "thing" but hey - you did it and can't undo it. Just like your relationship...it's over and can't undo it. I've found in the months since she left me, going out and making an effort to meet new people and do new things has helped immensly. It's REALLY tough, but it gets easier. Elsea's right. We're here and in this same space with you, don't lose faith. You are not alone. 3
Author itsallmental Posted April 28, 2014 Author Posted April 28, 2014 You didn't mess up. You saw what she was really up to - you saw what she hid from you and it crushed you. You needed to do it and it's done...contact isn't the recommended "thing" but hey - you did it and can't undo it. Just like your relationship...it's over and can't undo it. I've found in the months since she left me, going out and making an effort to meet new people and do new things has helped immensly. It's REALLY tough, but it gets easier. Elsea's right. We're here and in this same space with you, don't lose faith. You are not alone. Thank you and Elsea for your replies. They really help! Every day that goes by, I'm more sure of my decision. I haven't handled anything in this break up in any sort of underhanded way. But she has. It's her loss, and I think that one day she'll likely be back. But who knows, it's time for me to move on as best I can.
Elle1975 Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 So friday was one month since we broke up, on thursday I found out she was seeing someone else, and that among other things (distance, new to college experience, etc), she left me for him. I'll spare you all the details, except that I haven't once begged her. We've been on good terms, and I've been as respectful and understanding as I possibly could. That said, on thursday when I found out this information (I went looking for it, even though I shouldn't have) I messaged her. I wasn't mean, or anything like that, but I told her I didn't like that she lied to me, that I didn't feel like she gave me a chance to help fix things between us. She was understanding, but she finally just said that the distance between us was something she couldn't see past. I didn't respond to her final message, and I deleted her from FB (I cant continue to look at her page). Since thursday we haven't talked, so It's back to NC. Did I do the right thing? I don't want that to come off as an "f-you", but I just didn't feel like there was much else to say. Shortly after this conversation and me unfriending her, the friend who told me the news contacted me again. She said " I asked her if they were in a relationship, and she said no, that she doesn't have any feelings for him" So I assume that means my ex is in a physical rebound. Summer vacation is coming up, and I expect she'll have lots of time to think about everything while she's home. I'm not holding out too much hope, I don't expect her to come back, and that's for the best. But I still find myself wondering if she'll have a change of heart.. Did I mess up by letting my emotions get the better of me and contacting her? I know it's just back to NC, but will I have pushed her away further, or made her think? I'm just confused and unsure of what to do. Any advice would be great! Thanks! Hello.. well you weren't in NC since you had her on your facebook. Messaging her wasn't the best thing to do, in my opinion, but if you feel you had to do it and feel better about the whole thing now, good for you I say. Just let her go.. she's young, she might be back, she might not. But you should really enjoy your summer. So, in a nutshell, yes, deleting her from you facebook was the best thing you could do. Beside, now she knows she has you by the balls, if I may say. If you keep begging and messaging her, she won't be back, for sure. Think about it, if begging and crying worked, people wouldn't be single, would they?
Author itsallmental Posted April 28, 2014 Author Posted April 28, 2014 Think about it, if begging and crying worked, people wouldn't be single, would they? I haven't done any begging at all, I haven't asked for her back. I did shed a tear when she called and left me a month ago, but since then I've only been in necessary contact with her. (I do consider letting her know I think its messed up that she left me for someone else like she did a necessary conversation.) I've been in very little contact with her, I've been understanding and kind, but I haven't been weak. Unless showing her that my feelings were hurt when I found out this news was weak. But I'm only human, I had to say what I did. Any thoughts?
Elle1975 Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 I haven't done any begging at all, I haven't asked for her back. I did shed a tear when she called and left me a month ago, but since then I've only been in necessary contact with her. (I do consider letting her know I think its messed up that she left me for someone else like she did a necessary conversation.) I've been in very little contact with her, I've been understanding and kind, but I haven't been weak. Unless showing her that my feelings were hurt when I found out this news was weak. But I'm only human, I had to say what I did. Any thoughts? I don't like lies either.
Author itsallmental Posted April 28, 2014 Author Posted April 28, 2014 I don't like lies either. How do you mean?
Elle1975 Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 How do you mean? You said she lied to you about why she broke up. She had met someone else.
Author itsallmental Posted April 28, 2014 Author Posted April 28, 2014 You said she lied to you about why she broke up. She had met someone else. Yeah definitely, I couldn't help but address those lies. I think I was mature and understanding even during that conversation though. I didn't say anything mean or hurtful, but I left the conversation hanging a little bit, and removed her from FB.
lolablue17 Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 You didn't damage anything. But inspite of your declarations I feel you are not moving on and just waiting for her to "understand what a big mistake she did". Why dont you go dating? belive me, other girls is a great medicine and who knows... maybe you will find someone you'll realy like.
Author itsallmental Posted April 28, 2014 Author Posted April 28, 2014 You didn't damage anything. But inspite of your declarations I feel you are not moving on and just waiting for her to "understand what a big mistake she did". Why dont you go dating? belive me, other girls is a great medicine and who knows... maybe you will find someone you'll realy like. I don't want to jump back into dating too quickly, but I've never been that good at it anyhow. My ex sort of fell into my lap. But you're right! I'll try to get back out there more
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