WP4046 Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 I'm just wondering but the guys here who say that they are turned off by women wanting a man to pay....how is that working out for you in your real life? Do women pay half on your dates or pay all for your dates? Do you date at all? When it's a connection women usually pay around date 3
TXGuy Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 I'm just wondering but the guys here who say that they are turned off by women wanting a man to pay....how is that working out for you in your real life? Do women pay half on your dates or pay all for your dates? Do you date at all? It works fine. The women who pay for a date by date number three are taken seriously. The women who expect me to pay for everything are treated appropriately.
Smilecharmer Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 I don't "date". Most girls are cool with hooking up first and seeing where things go from there. There's no need to even put yourself in a situation where you have to pay. Thanks for answering topamaxx. Very interesting to me. So, what's the quality of these girls who just hook up? Are they marriage material and are they educated? Do they just come to your house and have sex? Or do you go to theirs? How do you approach this situation or ask them for just sex? How old are you and are you looking for just fun or a LTR?
Smilecharmer Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 It works fine. The women who pay for a date by date number three are taken seriously. The women who expect me to pay for everything are treated appropriately. Hi TXGuy, I see date three seems to be the magic number here, how do you arrive at that number? What exactly is treated appropriately entail? Told no more dates? I find this fascinating. Sorry to pry.
TXGuy Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 (edited) Hi TXGuy, I see date three seems to be the magic number here, how do you arrive at that number? What exactly is treated appropriately entail? Told no more dates? I find this fascinating. Sorry to pry. By date number three, she should know whether she is into it or not. Also that is enough time for her to show that she is not just freeloading. For me, she does not have to spring for a whole date. I generally go to more than one place per date. If she takes the initiative and gets anything by the end of date number three, that is good enough to be taken seriously. Even if it is just the ice cream or a round of drinks, that is enough. As far as treated appropriately, well, that is simply not being catagorized as long term relationship potential. It doesn't mean that I will end the dating process. Just that things will never get to exclusivity or LTR. I'm not necessarily going to drop her if sex is around the corner. I paid for that time. I might as well get something out of it. Edited April 28, 2014 by TXGuy
Smilecharmer Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 By date number three, she should know whether she is into it or not. Also that is enough time for her to show that she is not just freeloading. For me, she does not have to spring for a whole date. I generally go to more than one place per date. If she takes the initiative and gets anything by the end of date number three, that is good enough to be taken seriously. Even if it is just the ice cream or a round of drinks, that is enough. As far as treated appropriately, well, that is simply not being catagorized as long term relationship potential. It doesn't mean that I will end the dating process. Just that things will never get to exclusivity or LTR. I'm not necessarily going to drop her if sex is around the corner. I paid for that time. I might as well get something out of it. Have you had women freeload before and what exactly doe that mean? Do you tell her that you paid for sex so you aren't going to drop her yet? Do you consider paying for dates like paying for sex? Do you date prostitutes? Do these women know this is how you view them?
TXGuy Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 Hi TXGuy, I see date three seems to be the magic number here, how do you arrive at that number? ... I find this fascinating. Sorry to pry. I came up with three dates through experience. Both very good experience and very bad experience. Most relationships that really went somewhere were clearly going well by date number three. There were also way too many relationships that dragged on forever and went nowhere. They involved expectations of more and better dates that involved practically no reciprocity in effort, paying or positive physical feedback. After being duped by this many times, I zeroed in on three dates for positive feedback. This seemed to be the sweet-spot in minimizing both type I and type II error (for those of you who remember Stats 101 from college).
TXGuy Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 Have you had women freeload before and what exactly doe that mean? Do you tell her that you paid for sex so you aren't going to drop her yet? Do you consider paying for dates like paying for sex? Do you date prostitutes? Do these women know this is how you view them? Of course I don't tell her. Dating is a process of getting to know people and weeding them out as well as selecting prospects to move forward with. I have my process. Other people have their own processes. I don't consider paying for dates as paying for sex. I find a most women who expect men to pay for everything do not have similar traditional views when it comes to other aspects of male/female relationships. Those women seem to me to be cafeteria feminists. I don't think those are good long term prospects. But, they seemed to think they were entitled to be treated to xyz by virtue of of bringing the 'prospect of sex' to the interaction. It seems to me she was the one that set the tone of the relationship. I'm just working within her parameters. And no, I've never dated prostitutes. Well, not honest ones. Just the ones that expect to be wined and dined in exchange for the prospect of sex. But to be honest, most of those are pretty easy to spot by the first date or so. If they are spotted that early, they are summarily dropped.
Copelandsanity Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 I don't understand why any of this is confusing. The reason why he's not offering is because he doesn't have the money. The money he's spending with his friends isn't additional money; it's money he's been allocating for his social life with them. If you want a different arrangement, then tell him. There's your solution. Every couple is different. I've had a woman happily pay for a lot of things, so it just depends on the both of you. If his financial situation bothers you, then break up with him. I'm assuming since you're falling for him that he brings other things to the table than money, so it's important to look at the totality of your relationship. 3
Smilecharmer Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 Of course I don't tell her. Dating is a process of getting to know people and weeding them out as well as selecting prospects to move forward with. I have my process. Other people have their own processes. I don't consider paying for dates as paying for sex. I find a most women who expect men to pay for everything do not have similar traditional views when it comes to other aspects of male/female relationships. Those women seem to me to be cafeteria feminists. I don't think those are good long term prospects. But, they seemed to think they were entitled to be treated to xyz by virtue of of bringing the 'prospect of sex' to the interaction. It seems to me she was the one that set the tone of the relationship. I'm just working within her parameters. And no, I've never dated prostitutes. Well, not honest ones. Just the ones that expect to be wined and dined in exchange for the prospect of sex. But to be honest, most of those are pretty easy to spot by the first date or so. If they are spotted that early, they are summarily dropped. So she is giving you sex with the misunderstanding that you might still like her and want something long term? Who set the parameters of the relationship or the tone? I'm lost. Have women actually told you they expect you to be given sex if you wine and dine them? I don't mean to be obtuse...I've just never heard of women saying this before.
TXGuy Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 Who set the parameters of the relationship or the tone? I'm lost. Have women actually told you they expect you to be given sex if you wine and dine them? I don't mean to be obtuse...I've just never heard of women saying this before. To clarify, weeding out the exploitative women is generally pretty easy. Generally I date women for whom there is mutual respect and attraction. Things go well from there. But sometimes an exploitative woman will slip through the filters and her colors don't show until later in the dating process. If that is the case, and I'm not serious with anyone else, then it can be game on. The parameters and the tone of the relationship sometimes becomes clear that it is 'pay to play.' She makes it clear that I'm to pay, she's not. She might 'upgrade' dates (I make plans for X, she insists on somewhere nicer). I give the benefit of the doubt, but the game becomes clear. She has set the parameters and tone - pay to play. If I'm this far in and have already 'payed', I might as well stick around for the 'play' (safely). Generally it is not worth the extra effort, and it is better to drop them as soon as I realize we are not compatible, but other times one can tell that the 'play is right around the corner and it is worth it to stick it out a little longer. 1
Do_The_Herp Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 If he says he's not in a position to afford to take you out then he shouldn't be dating you. And if he's having drinks with the boys &splitting bills down the middle with you than he's definitely not in the position to date you. And you shouldn't be allowing yourself to sleep with the guy that just sends signals that his behaviour is okay & he can get away with it. Ask yourself this ; do you feel respected? I'd be turned off immediately by this guy had it been me in your shoes. If I'm not worth it to him than he's not worth it to me. You deserve far better treatment. How many women date dudes who they're totally into but the guys have (temporary) financial problems? I don't think someone should think that they shouldn't be dating anyone because of that, who are they to say? If how much you're into me depends on how much I spend on you, then no thanks, "love" can't be bought. A "can you AFFORD me?" mentality makes me vomit in my mouth a little. OP's "boyfriend" sounds like a cheap ******* since they're supposedly IN an exclusive relationship and he's still being a cheap turd, yes, but that's not related to the point I'm making. 1
Smilecharmer Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 To clarify, weeding out the exploitative women is generally pretty easy. Generally I date women for whom there is mutual respect and attraction. Things go well from there. But sometimes an exploitative woman will slip through the filters and her colors don't show until later in the dating process. If that is the case, and I'm not serious with anyone else, then it can be game on. The parameters and the tone of the relationship sometimes becomes clear that it is 'pay to play.' She makes it clear that I'm to pay, she's not. She might 'upgrade' dates (I make plans for X, she insists on somewhere nicer). I give the benefit of the doubt, but the game becomes clear. She has set the parameters and tone - pay to play. If I'm this far in and have already 'payed', I might as well stick around for the 'play' (safely). Generally it is not worth the extra effort, and it is better to drop them as soon as I realize we are not compatible, but other times one can tell that the 'play is right around the corner and it is worth it to stick it out a little longer. Why not just tell them right away that you expect a fifty fifty arrangement in dating or you don't see it working out? She pays for hers and you pay for yours, that way there is no confusion and you weed them out very quickly. Someone can only be exploitive if you allow it and don't make it clear that you don't accept it. I don't know if sleeping with them because you feel they are acting exploitive is any better than being exploitive since that is exploiting them for sex due to your perceived notions of what they did wrong without telling them what you expect upfront. 1
TXGuy Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 So she is giving you sex with the misunderstanding that you might still like her and want something long term? Who set the parameters of the relationship or the tone? I'm lost. Have women actually told you they expect you to be given sex if you wine and dine them? I don't mean to be obtuse...I've just never heard of women saying this before. I'll try another angle in case the first one went in a direction you didn't ask about. Another way to look at it is: Some women expect the man to pay for everything because they feel entitled to be treated to everything. Their view is that they bring to the table the prospect of sex with them. Acknoledging that is the thing of value they bring to the table. In exchange for that, they expect men to bring ;ash and prizes,' or effort and entertainment. Planning and paying for dates, ego stroking conversation, access to interesting places. It is the entitlement mentality that, because they have breasts and a vagina, they are entitled to coast to the dating process. They bring nothing in the way of effort and resources, just their presence. Those are the ones that are not taken seriously. If they demonstrate this early on (most do), then no harm-no foul. I move on. But, if they fake it for a while before they let their true motives come out, then they are also on their way out, but I'll see what kind of parting gift I might get on my way home.
Do_The_Herp Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 LOL! I wouldn't even worry about these guys. Yes it's their view of women and no they are unable to hide it. Assume they actually find a woman and keep her. Imagine with how they think / see / treat her in the manner in which you can expect based on their views. After a period of time... She isn't going to smiling at the door to greet them, planning special dates / times / moments or buying something naughty to wear for him, giving him mindblowing sex all the time, telling him how special he is and what he means to her, etc. No, she is going to hate him with every fiber in her being and take it out on him. Divorce him (maybe even cheat) and due to anger and resentment fleece his ass in court. Simply put, these men think / see the worst in women and treat them as such. Eventually, their self-fulfilling prophecies come true. I don't identify with the negative dudes in this thread entirely, but.. I would rather not pay if I'm going somewhere to meet someone who I absolutely don't know anything about. I have no ulterior motives, I don't see it as a transaction, I just want to talk to them and hope that the feeling is mutual. I don't want sex, don't expect sex if I pay, I just expect to waste money on someone who may or may not want to even see me again. Might as well hope *I* enjoy their company, and that they're not boring or annoying and have nothing in common with me. I'm assuming you're talking about the view of thinking that a girl MUST put out because a guy's paid, and that a guy won't pay because it's a waste of money if he's not getting laid? I just think it's a waste of money until you know that they're interested in you. Sex isn't a reason why it's a waste of money, it just is. Might as well just go out to eat with a female friend, at least they'll stick around in your life and you two genuinely get along. I'd rather spend money on THAT person.
TXGuy Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 Why not just tell them right away that you expect a fifty fifty arrangement in dating or you don't see it working out? She pays for hers and you pay for yours, that way there is no confusion and you weed them out very quickly. Someone can only be exploitive if you allow it and don't make it clear that you don't accept it. I don't know if sleeping with them because you feel they are acting exploitive is any better than being exploitive since that is exploiting them for sex due to your perceived notions of what they did wrong without telling them what you expect upfront. I might counter with that in the event that a women opens with a statement saying they expect me to pay for most if not all of the initial dating (most women expect this). The OP is one of the rare gems that does not seem to. She would be a keeper, or at least treated very well. I'm not looking for 50/50. I'm looking for some indication, over the course of three dates (likely 6+ different venues, some of which would be less than $10), that she is willing to put something into the dating process besides her presence. Most give something and are treated as serious prospects or at least decent human beings. Some are exploitative leaches and are treated with indifference. 1
MissBee Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 I'm just wondering but the guys here who say that they are turned off by women wanting a man to pay....how is that working out for you in your real life? Do women pay half on your dates or pay all for your dates? Do you date at all? Exactly.... Curious about that as well. Actually I'm not that curious. I can imagine how that works out.
Els Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 What do you mean if it's okay...is it okay to you? That's what matters. It doesn't seem like it is, so I'm confused as to if this bothers you, why you agreed to be exclusive. What she said. If it's not okay to you then it's not okay. Nothing wrong with that. We all have preferences, don't be ashamed to assert your own. 1
hasaquestion Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 Exactly.... Curious about that as well. Actually I'm not that curious. I can imagine how that works out. Right now I'm seeing a girl who offers to pay, and its going great. Its been a bit over a month. So far so good. Probably comes out to 60/40 overall. We never split anything. But I'll buy dinner and then when we go out for drinks later she'll insist on paying for the drinks. She's two years older than me, has a good job, and while we aren't exactly sharing our tax returns, I think she earns more money as me at this point. I don't necessarily begrudge anyone for expecting to get paid for. But I think the fact that she does this is symptomatic of an independence and mentality that I find attractive. She's hardly the first I've encountered to have an interest in splitting the bill.
Recommended Posts