Being single is great?

[FredJones80]

Hello.

 

One of the things that keeps popping up to myself and others is being told that being single can be great, advantages, time to yourself, time to concentrate on yourself, time to take up new hobbies and meet new people.

 

Sure this all sounds positive and maybe there are good features of being single, but at the end of the day most of us chose to be in a relationship, it wasn't a forced option, so if being single is so great, why hadn't we jacked in the relationships in the first place rather than waiting to be the dumpee's.

 

I'm not saying being single is worse than being in a relationship but I guess both have their advantages and disadvantages and as most of us here are pouring our broken hearts out being told being single can be a bonus isn't always a great thing to hear

 

It's like when people say "plenty more fish in the sea" when you've just lost the only fish you currently wanted.

 

Food for thought...

[elseaacych]

Hierarchy of relationships

 

Together, happy> Single, happy> Together, unhappy and single unhappy> together, abusive

 

It's all a matter of perspective. If you are happy, that trumps all.

[Joangel]

Parts of being single are wonderful. Having your own room, closet and bathroom. Eating as much or as little as you want. Leaving dishes I the sink for way too long. No having to check in ten times a day.

 

Not so good parts, not having anyone to talk too (why we are here on loveShack). Feeling awkward during the holidays. Women thinking you always want their man (yuck) because you are single. Not having anyone to hug when you had a bad day.

 

It's really just perspective. Although for me I would rather be alone than in a bad relationship.

 

In the meantime make YOU happy. I bust out in song and dance when I want. Buy myself flowers and have ice cream for dinner at least once a week. I refuse to go out on Sundays and watch Meg Ryan movies again and again. I accept my weirdness and do what makes me happy withou fear of judgement. I suggest you do the same.

[d0nnivain]

When I point out the positives to people on LS or to my friends IRL, I'm simply trying to show them the light at the end of the tunnel, not downplay their pain. Piling on the yeah this sucks isn't going to help.

[smileforelena]

here is another one if you have lemons make lemonade....

 

its making do with what you have (or dont have) where you currently are..we are social creatures so all of us desire to be with somebody but we also have to be good being by ourselves. think about it if we are a well adjusted individuals who most of the time can handle ourselves then we are better equipped to be part of a couple. just my opinion.

[WhiteTan]

I've been single ever since my fiance and I split in 2013 so here's what I'll say about it.

 

When I was with my ex, I

- slaved at a dead end job 6 days a week for minimum wage with no chance of promotion

- gave up all of my own hobbies

-stopped seeing friends who were there for me before and after he came around

- stopped putting effort into my appearance and gained up to 48 pounds

- had to constantly compromise in a ratio that wasn't mutual or equal

-had anxiety, jealousy, and constant drama cause of relationship problems

- lost sight of my goals to go to school

and most importantly

-everything i did was for HIS happiness instead of for mine.

 

now that i'm single I

= found a job that pays $20 an hour for 5 days a week

- started school, currently have a 3.8 GPA

- get to do whatever i want, whenever i want

- lost over 55 pounds and even did three gigs as a part time model, might do more this summer.

- my friendships are stronger, even though i'm one of the only single people in my group of friends. seeing all the BS they go through with their boyfriends/girlfriends always reaffirms why i prefer to be single at this point

and now i do things to please ME and nobody else

 

i don't mean to write a book but i'll say that even though it killed me when he left, it made me realize i have a lot of things to do by myself before i could even think about starting a life with somebody else. once i'm satisfied with where i'm at and i'm gonna take my time, i'll give it a shot if i meet somebody who's worth it..and even then, i'm gonna be sure to keep my priorities straight next time around because i understand that romantic relationships are often temporary things.

Edited April 28, 2014 by WhiteTan

[somedude81]

Being single sucks balls compared to being in a relationship.

 

I can't think of a single reason why being single is better than when I was with my GF.

[WhiteTan]

Being single sucks balls compared to being in a relationship.

 

I can't think of a single reason why being single is better than when I was with my GF.

if your ex girlfriend was so great, where is she?

[Raena]

Yeah, it can be hard to have people tell you how great it is to be single when what you really want is to be in a relationship.

 

That's kind of how I felt about people telling me that the karma bus was going to run over my ex for the crappy things he did to me. It annoyed me to no end.. there is no karma bus, it isn't going to run over him and even if it did, it wasn't going to make me feel better.

 

So, I get what you are saying... it's hard to hear these platitudes when what you really want to hear is "yeah man, that royally sucks, tell me all about how miserable you are feeling today"

 

In the end though, you and you alone have to make yourself happy whether single or in a relationship. Happiness comes from within.

[somedude81]

if your ex girlfriend was so great, where is she?

Probably with some guy better than me.

 

I'm not the one who ended the relationship.

[Copelandsanity]

I'll echo WhiteTan's message and say that once I dealt with the grief of my breakup and started to focus on self-improvement, I became a happy, single person:

 

- Re-started an old business, making a lot more money

- Getting to the next level as a tennis player

- Started swimming and cycling, with plans to do triathlons in the future

- Training for marathon

- Reading one book per week

 

The biggest key to me is setting goals, and asking myself if I've improved today from the day before. The former gives me something to look forward to achieving and the latter makes the goals less daunting. Dating hasn't crossed my mind for awhile.

[WhiteTan]

Probably with some guy better than me.

 

I'm not the one who ended the relationship.

Exactly my point.

No disrespect to you in particular but the people who say they hate being single are the ones who seriously shouldn't be in relationships.

 

You'd rather be with some girl who left you in the dust than to be on your own and handle your own business?

 

No self-esteem, no independence, no self-respect, this is all stuff that needs to be worked on before you get into a relationship, unless you meet a girl who's willing to deal with that insecure bulls---, which no high quality female is gonna be looking for.

 

I'd rethink my perspective on a few things if I were you. because you deserve somebody who loves you.. and nobody can ever love you as much as you love yourself. That's the only person who's ever gonna be 100 percent loyal with you no matter what girls come and go in your life.

Edited April 28, 2014 by WhiteTan

[Lernaean_Hydra]

I enjoy being single. I've had the opportunity to be in a serious relationship twice this year alone but I turned them down.

 

Why? I'm still working on myself and having fun in life, the first word that comes to mind when I think of relationships is "obligation". I don't like being or feeling obligated to anyone. I like the freedom of knowing I could do whatever and not have to explain myself to anyone.

 

I like being free to stumble in at 3AM on a Tuesday and not have to worry about a jealous boyfriend wondering why I haven't called or worse, waiting up for me at home.If I want to sit around in sweats all day on the weekends, I can. If I want to put on a short ass skirt and go clubbing, I can. I like not having to worry about impressing someone's family over the holidays or having to spend money on someone other than myself.

 

It's not a lie people tell themselves or something. At least not for everyone. Some people genuinely are just happier being single. And honestly? I am extraordinarily selfish and enjoy my space and my freedom way too much at this juncture.

[Erlaad]

Sure this all sounds positive and maybe there are good features of being single, but at the end of the day most of us chose to be in a relationship, it wasn't a forced option, so if being single is so great, why hadn't we jacked in the relationships in the first place rather than waiting to be the dumpee's.

 

For a different prospective, consider we are pretty much animals. As such, one of the basic insticts we have is reproduction. If most people chose not to be in relationship then we, as a species, would die off in a matter of time.

 

Which means that some (most?) people decide to settle for "meh" relationships instead of staying single and enjoying themselves: they are fulfilling a primal need to be parents and perpetuate the species.

 

- Erl

[Harradin]

For me, I just make the most of it, whether I'm single or in a relationship.

 

Both have their pros and cons though.

[Itspointless]

I'm not saying being single is worse than being in a relationship but I guess both have their advantages and disadvantages It's like when people say "plenty more fish in the sea" when you've just lost the only fish you currently wanted.

Well if you are not the one that stopped the relation, it can really suck being alone again. And if you are like me it is mostly because they made you feel like you had found some a part of yourself you actually never knew existed. But now you know. There may be many girls, but it is not often that I find someone I really feel a connection with (I knew she felt that way too, which made it so hard to believe for me. In a way I lost from her mother).

 

I also have the feeling that for woman in general it is (somewhat) easier to feel desirable, which makes a difference when being on yourself (validation is important).

[jackieblack07]

The reason why we love being single is because of the independence we get while doing anything that we want, But it is also limited to an certain period where you feel like having someone in your life because it’s an human nature we generally need someone that would love and care about us and feel the same way as we feel about them.

[Michelle ma Belle]

Parts of being single are wonderful. Having your own room, closet and bathroom. Eating as much or as little as you want. Leaving dishes I the sink for way too long. No having to check in ten times a day.

 

Not so good parts, not having anyone to talk too (why we are here on loveShack). Feeling awkward during the holidays. Women thinking you always want their man (yuck) because you are single. Not having anyone to hug when you had a bad day.

 

It's really just perspective. Although for me I would rather be alone than in a bad relationship.

 

In the meantime make YOU happy. I bust out in song and dance when I want. Buy myself flowers and have ice cream for dinner at least once a week. I refuse to go out on Sundays and watch Meg Ryan movies again and again. I accept my weirdness and do what makes me happy withou fear of judgement. I suggest you do the same.

 

Exactly! I have certainly had my moments where I sat around feeling sorry for myself after my break-ups even if I was the one doing the breaking up but in the end, it really is all about perspective and about making choices.

 

You can either choose to wallow in negativity and see everything as glass half empty OR you can embrace each experience as something to learn from and believe that sometimes things fall apart so that better things can manifest. I'm not saying that adopting this kind of mentality is easy to come by (otherwise everyone would have it) but it is possible if you make a conscious effort to stay aware and open and practice self-care during these vulnerable times.

 

Being single and enjoying it doesn't necessarily mean you want to STAY single forever. It just means you're making the best of a situation and rather than look at it as something horrible, turn it into something positive. Time alone is the BEST time to work on yourself and/or fall back in love with things that might have fallen to the wayside for whatever reasons.

 

When you're happy and comfortable with yourself, you will attract better quality partners AND be a better partner yourself. When you know better, you do better after all.

[somedude81]

Exactly my point.

No disrespect to you in particular but the people who say they hate being single are the ones who seriously shouldn't be in relationships.

 

You'd rather be with some girl who left you in the dust than to be on your own and handle your own business?

 

No self-esteem, no independence, no self-respect, this is all stuff that needs to be worked on before you get into a relationship, unless you meet a girl who's willing to deal with that insecure bulls---, which no high quality female is gonna be looking for.

 

I'd rethink my perspective on a few things if I were you. because you deserve somebody who loves you.. and nobody can ever love you as much as you love yourself. That's the only person who's ever gonna be 100 percent loyal with you no matter what girls come and go in your life.

I'd rather the break up not have happened, so she wouldn't have left me in the dust.

 

I didn't get my first GF, her, until I was 31 years old and we were only together for six months.

 

Those six months was the happiest time in my entire life.

 

I've been single for longer than anybody ever should.

[FredJones80]

Those six months was the happiest time in my entire life.

 

That story sucks

 

Have to chalk it up to experience, I know its not what you want to hear, but perhaps its the confidence platform to boost you on to further adventures?

[somedude81]

That story sucks

 

Have to chalk it up to experience, I know its not what you want to hear, but perhaps its the confidence platform to boost you on to further adventures?

Yeah it's a horrible story. "Happily ever after" it is not.

 

As for the confidence thing, that's what I thought, but I've been doing really poorly with women ever since then. It's been about 5 months since I got dumped, and I haven't been on a single date. Women just aren't into me.

[FredJones80]

As for the confidence thing, that's what I thought, but I've been doing really poorly with women ever since then. It's been about 5 months since I got dumped, and I haven't been on a single date. Women just aren't into me.

 

Perhaps, but perhaps its too early? If you really cherished this first relationship then it will take as long as it takes to get over it. I'm 3 weeks in and 8 days NC, I don't honestly expect I'll be even looking to meet someone new at any point in the near future. Regardless of what the ex or anyone else does, you can only feel ready when you feel ready...

 

You bagged one, there is no reason you won't find someone else compatible.

 

Don't give up

[BC1980]

The problem with the title of this thread is that you are looking at life from the vantage point of a relationship. Your life doesn't have to be defined by your relationship status unless you want it to be. You can just be yourself. You can stand alone and still be happy.

[STM206]

Once you've had it, you realize how great life can be with someone special to share it with. It's hard to go from thinking you've found a lifelong partner, to nothing - not even back to before you met them, but to a place of "loss".

 

As much as I loved and still love my ex, I almost wish I had never met him. I don't see how people can say "I'll cherish the memories we had together" because to me, those memories are haunting... Not memories of joy.

 

So being single after being dumped isn't exactly a basket of candy and treats. It's a basket filled with rotten eggs that you've gotta clean out, sanitize and re paint. I just don't know where that damn sanitizer went.

[smileforelena]

Once you've had it, you realize how great life can be with someone special to share it with. It's hard to go from thinking you've found a lifelong partner, to nothing - not even back to before you met them, but to a place of "loss".

 

As much as I loved and still love my ex, I almost wish I had never met him. I don't see how people can say "I'll cherish the memories we had together" because to me, those memories are haunting... Not memories of joy.

 

So being single after being dumped isn't exactly a basket of candy and treats. It's a basket filled with rotten eggs that you've gotta clean out, sanitize and re paint. I just don't know where that damn sanitizer went.

 

LOL. yes there seems to be a shortage of freaking sanitizers...i get you STM206 but I believe that everything has a season. right now being single sounds like a calculus problem that too complicated to even try. but who said we have to get the right answer on our first try. its been 9 months for me since BU and lets not even go to the NC thing. i feel like i am getting somewhere. i realized that i like being on my own because im learning that i am better in the sense that im more balanced. for sure i look forward to being with someone again but for now im starting to enjoy loving me.