douggsy Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 I actually wrote a massive piece explaining my whole relationship and break up with my ex but it got deleted after an hour spent writing it so I'll keep it short this time! I turned 18 on Tuesday, and my ex turns 17 in July. We'd been together for 2 years, so basically all my major life choices have involved her and memories of her are attached to everything (my first car, my university choices, my phone) and I really did think we were going to get married, as did most of the people that knew us. I've helped her through some horrible times too. (I stopped her bulimia and self harming) But on Tuesday, on my 18th birthday, she dumped me. She said she didn't want to on that day but I saw something was wrong and kept pestering her until she told me. She said she wasn't happy with the relationship anymore and that "it seemed more like a friendship than relationship" She then told me it was over. Does that sound like G.I.G.S? It's been 5 days since, I actually asked for her back only 2 days after and she said she didn't want to "right now" and then started crying over how she's upset me. She said she would ring me if she changed her mind. That's left the door open for me and that's why its so hard. We used to text all day and all night, so now I've got no one to talk to (that is young and wants to listen to all these tiny things no one cares about) I'm really struggling. I would try NC but we go to the same sixth form/college/high school so I see her in the common room a lot. The reason I think she's doing better is because she's texting a new guy very frequently which I guess is replacing me. I highly doubt this is a new boyfriend though, he is not a looker. (although the reason I think she's been upset with the relationship was because I'd been so intrusive/obssessive/jealous about her texting this guy when we were together anyway. I don't want anyone to tell me to move on, I just would appreciate some analysis on the break up and advice on how to get her back, because I think that I can as long as I play my cards right. All I think about every day is texting her and asking how she's doing and what she's up to. I also apologise in advance because I know I will have to explain things I have forgotten. I've also found by talking to my parents that I will have a come back for everything! Any help appreciated.
FredJones80 Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 I'd say give her space and go NC with her, give her time to sort her own mind up and then she may come back to you, don't keep pestering her which will no doubt push her further away. 1
Jiivy Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 I'd say give her space and go NC with her, give her time to sort her own mind up and then she may come back to you, don't keep pestering her which will no doubt push her further away. Loving someone has to come from yourself and from the heart. NC is the absolute best way to heal YOURself and prepare... because you'll never know if she comes back, or if something in her is reignited again. That's a reality you'll have to come to grips with, but don't worry. I swear to you that you're not alone in these feelings, in this pain. I met mine when we were around 17 too. Now I'm 24 and she's done the same thing. Be glad you didn't spend 7 years and get engaged before this event! 1
Marco Valerio Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 Do as Jiivy has told you, it's the best thing to do !!! =)
DannyCA Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 You're not going to listen because I can already tell from your post you are irrational, brash, impulsive, and stubborn; I'll try anyway Drop her and absolutely no contact. That's really it, nothing more. When she dumped you she decided that she would rather have anything else than you. You're not going to get over this girl anytime soon but it will definitely be much longer if you contact her, reply to her, look at her social media stuff, etc. And I understand you're only 18, but if you think that college, car, and your phone are the biggest life choices you've made, you are in for a big surprises later in life. You were intrusive, obsessive, and jealous. That was a HUGE factor if not the definite reason she broke up with you. Being jealous and intrusive is like telling a girl you do not trust her and being obsessive is like saying you want to control her. Now put yourself in her shoes and think how much you would want to be with her if she acted the way you did. Want to know how to get her back? Move on with your life completely and by association that means don't ever talk to her or reply to her anymore. Do whatever you want to. And after a very long time (there is no set amount of time) if she decides she wants you back you can make a choice of whether or not you want her back. And if she decides she doesn't want you back, it doesn't matter because you would have moved on by then. You guys are young and this was bound to happen unfortunately (I don't want to hear "but this and but that"), you guys are not the exception, sorry. You're not even in college yet, trust me when I say this girl is going to be just a distant memory (but take her as a lesson) in the near future. You have some of the best times ahead of you in college my man. But like I said, you're probably not going to listen and that is on you. You can learn by people trying to help you with their words derived from truth and experiences or you can learn by making your own mistakes with complete disregard of help offered.
mangetout Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 I begged and pleaded for months after the BU. He kept saying no but couldn't let me go either. The day I decided to really move on was the day he changed and wanted me back. NC is for your own sanity but it won't bring an ex back if she doesn't want the relationship at all. There is nothing you can do to make her love you
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