passion_flower Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 I posted this on a thread I made yesterday about my relationship but now I've had my profile activated I can see he last logged in 14th April this year although it does say he is attached. He did mention being on a dating website at the start of our relationship but that was 8 months ago so I decided to have a nose with a made up profile and found him. It also says he is looking for any gender - which I had no idea he is bisexual! Should I talk to him about this? I have no idea why is he still on a bloody dating website and has logged in recently. I was half expecting it to say he last logged in at the beginning of September when we first started dating, but no...
Joangel Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 Sounds like you know the answer already, but if you want it spelled out for you, he's playing you. Either he has no intention of being serious or he wants some action on the side. If you starting dating in September then by now it should be clear if you are exclusive. I would phase him out. If you confront him of being online I am sure he will just make it an issue of you invading his privacy. 3
d0nnivain Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 I don't see what there is to talk about. I might mention my discovery in the conversation where I tell him I'm breaking up with him but somethings you can't come back from. He's actively looking for things you can't give him. Next. 3
Author passion_flower Posted April 27, 2014 Author Posted April 27, 2014 Sounds like you know the answer already, but if you want it spelled out for you, he's playing you. Either he has no intention of being serious or he wants some action on the side. If you starting dating in September then by now it should be clear if you are exclusive. I would phase him out. If you confront him of being online I am sure he will just make it an issue of you invading his privacy. Yes that's what I'm thinking, there is no way of talking to him about it without sounding like I'm being a sneak but I still want to talk to him. I thought about sending him some flirty messages and seeing how he responds but that would be very sneaky. I have no idea why he's on a dating website, it doesn't say what he's looking for.
d0nnivain Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 Don't send him the flirty messages on the dating web site. You already know he's on there. What else is there? Fake profiles are never a great idea but I confess that shortly after meeting the man who is now my husband I made one so I could read his profile. I knew the profile was on there & we hadn't talked about being exclusive. I was pleased tp learn that the only thing I didn't already know about him that I learned from the profile was his favorite author. After we became exclusive & he told me the profile was down I checked again & sure enough it was gone. I never looked back. 2
Ruby Slippers Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 Complete deal breaker. No one who's serious about their commitment in a relationship maintains an active dating profile. And this is on top of the dozen reasons you need to move on discussed in the other thread. You can do better than this. 7
Frank2thepoint Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 Should I talk to him about this? I have no idea why is he still on a bloody dating website and has logged in recently. I was half expecting it to say he last logged in at the beginning of September when we first started dating, but no... You should talk to him, because this is important to you and the relationship. His idea of the state of the relationship is different from yours. It could mean he is not taking it seriously so he may look for sexual encounters with either gender. Nevertheless you need to communicate with him, as well he does with you. If you confront him of being online I am sure he will just make it an issue of you invading his privacy. There is no real privacy online, especially a public dating website. He can't play that card, because that would be a weak and deflective argument.
Author passion_flower Posted April 27, 2014 Author Posted April 27, 2014 I'm not seeing him till Thursday so I will have to have this playing in my mind until then arrgh. Unless I ring or text him.
d0nnivain Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 I'm not seeing him till Thursday so I will have to have this playing in my mind until then arrgh. Unless I ring or text him. I wouldn't drag this out until Thursday. What for? Call him now & end it over the phone. 3
Joangel Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 Yes that's what I'm thinking, there is no way of talking to him about it without sounding like I'm being a sneak but I still want to talk to him. I thought about sending him some flirty messages and seeing how he responds but that would be very sneaky. I have no idea why he's on a dating website, it doesn't say what he's looking for. No. Fake messages are no different. It's still being underhanded. I once told the guy I was dating to please delete messages from his ex saying she loved him on FB from back in the day and he flipped out. He accused me of cyber stalking him. I was actually trying to locate an old post of the date of his deceased mothers birthday because I was embarrassed to admit I didn't remember the date. It blew up in my face and he was closed off for a while after that.
2sunny Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 I'm not seeing him till Thursday so I will have to have this playing in my mind until then arrgh. Unless I ring or text him. One phone call and less wasted time and energy on a liar. Call and tell him you're not a good match. No reason to see him Thursday. 2
veggirl Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 Don't see him on Thursday, he'll just BS you into staying with him. Maybe this is why he is too busy to see you very much, he's dating other girls. Yuck. Sorry you found that, please don't put up with it. Walk away.
Michelle ma Belle Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 Who cares if he thinks you're stalking him or creeping his profile at this point? He's clearly being deceitful and for 8 months no less! Unless you're planning to stay with him and work it out, it's a done a deal so why not confront him. This is a deal breaker in my book. At the same time, I am one who prefers to closure when it comes to endings in my life and would opt to speak with him one last time if only to try and make peace with things for yourself. The sooner the better in my humble opinion.
ExpatInItaly Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 I wouldn't bother waiting until Thursday. He's already wasted enough of your time; why give 4 more days? Call him and end the relationship. He's clearly looking for some side action.
Author passion_flower Posted April 27, 2014 Author Posted April 27, 2014 I sent him a text saying I think we need to talk and he rang me back. He explained the dating profile was on there to talk to friends as it is a dating website specifically for people with aspergers or on the autistic spectrum, the male or female thing was referring to people as friends - he is not bisexual and given the fact that his profile said he was attached I'm willing to overlook this. He explained there is no correlation between his feelings for me and the amount of time he sees me, he needs more time to himself because of his aspergers but questioned why I don't ask to stay at his more often, I always wait for him to ask me because I don't think it's my place to ask. I'm going to see him on Tuesday and he's going to explain the concerns he has about me moving in like giving up his control and take it from there. We went on holiday for a week last month and got on really well so I know we can live together. I think this relationship is worth fighting for.
Targetlock Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 what a loser, dump his sorry ass maybe through a clever message to him on the dating site.
Emilia Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 I sent him a text saying I think we need to talk and he rang me back. He explained the dating profile was on there to talk to friends as it is a dating website specifically for people with aspergers or on the autistic spectrum, the male or female thing was referring to people as friends - he is not bisexual and given the fact that his profile said he was attached I'm willing to overlook this. He explained there is no correlation between his feelings for me and the amount of time he sees me, he needs more time to himself because of his aspergers but questioned why I don't ask to stay at his more often, I always wait for him to ask me because I don't think it's my place to ask. I'm going to see him on Tuesday and he's going to explain the concerns he has about me moving in like giving up his control and take it from there. We went on holiday for a week last month and got on really well so I know we can live together. I think this relationship is worth fighting for. If all the above is true, maybe you aren't suited to be with someone that has Aspergers? If you are unhappy I don't see what the slightest difference it makes that he is autistic.
saltyfishhead666 Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 If all the above is true, maybe you aren't suited to be with someone that has Aspergers? If you are unhappy I don't see what the slightest difference it makes that he is autistic. So you are posting your relationship issues on here and considering moving in with him? Not a wise move. If the man needs constant "space" he's not going to get that by sharing a joint place. People with any Form of autism are hard work, definitely worth it but still hard work none the less and he shouldn't be on any form of dating site for special needs or otherwise. There are social groups for people with whole ranges of special needs they aren't for "dating" You really need to lay down the law, either he's with you or he's not. As for moving in, you'll regret it especially with the relationship issues you currently have.
Leigh 87 Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 I sent him a text saying I think we need to talk and he rang me back. He explained the dating profile was on there to talk to friends as it is a dating website specifically for people with aspergers or on the autistic spectrum, the male or female thing was referring to people as friends - he is not bisexual and given the fact that his profile said he was attached I'm willing to overlook this. He explained there is no correlation between his feelings for me and the amount of time he sees me, he needs more time to himself because of his aspergers but questioned why I don't ask to stay at his more often, I always wait for him to ask me because I don't think it's my place to ask. I'm going to see him on Tuesday and he's going to explain the concerns he has about me moving in like giving up his control and take it from there. We went on holiday for a week last month and got on really well so I know we can live together. I think this relationship is worth fighting for. I am normally very private about this. I have Asperger's on a very mild scale (still have a lot of decent friends etc) and I like to be alone mostly but I MAKE TIME for a guy I am really into. He may have a lower functioning version. Whereby he needs the space. I am not qualified to make any speculation. All I know is.... I prefer alone time, but I still make time for people I truly care for. Be it close friends or boyfriends. 1
veggirl Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 I sent him a text saying I think we need to talk and he rang me back. He explained the dating profile was on there to talk to friends as it is a dating website specifically for people with aspergers or on the autistic spectrum, the male or female thing was referring to people as friends - he is not bisexual and given the fact that his profile said he was attached I'm willing to overlook this. He explained there is no correlation between his feelings for me and the amount of time he sees me, he needs more time to himself because of his aspergers but questioned why I don't ask to stay at his more often, I always wait for him to ask me because I don't think it's my place to ask. I'm going to see him on Tuesday and he's going to explain the concerns he has about me moving in like giving up his control and take it from there. We went on holiday for a week last month and got on really well so I know we can live together. I think this relationship is worth fighting for. Can't he exchange email addresses or FB with his friends on the DATING site so he can take down his profile? 1
Author passion_flower Posted April 28, 2014 Author Posted April 28, 2014 Can't he exchange email addresses or FB with his friends on the DATING site so he can take down his profile? I said this to him. I'm a bit annoyed he didn't offer to take down the profile, I don't think he really grasped why it was so bad which I think may be because of his aspergers. He thought I was on a dating site as he saw new matches emails from pof but I had hidden my profile at the beginning of our relationship. I meant to delete it later but forgot. I think he may also have thought since I was doing it he could too when he should have spoke to me about it. He has concerns about me moving in even though it was his idea which were going to talk about tomorrow.
saltyfishhead666 Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 I said this to him. I'm a bit annoyed he didn't offer to take down the profile, I don't think he really grasped why it was so bad which I think may be because of his aspergers. He thought I was on a dating site as he saw new matches emails from pof but I had hidden my profile at the beginning of our relationship. I meant to delete it later but forgot. I think he may also have thought since I was doing it he could too when he should have spoke to me about it. He has concerns about me moving in even though it was his idea which were going to talk about tomorrow. Him offering to take it down wouldn't make anything better. It quite simply shouldn't be there to begin with!! Be careful darling and don't put everything down to his Aspergers. You could get very very hurt by doing that.
mammasita Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 I disagree, I can look at a dating website for entertainment and not for hook ups. Some of the women's profiles are to die for. So many lame cliche profiles it's no wonder they are single and looking for guys! This is very true....I look at POF forums all the time and sometime scan profiles but no way do I have my own profile.
Leigh 87 Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 This is very true....I look at POF forums all the time and sometime scan profiles but no way do I have my own profile. You what? I don't go online to dating profiles? Why?
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