Lost and Found?

[lost_in_chgo]

So i've been broken up with my ex gf, let's call her Mary, for a little over a year now.

for the first six months i was out of mind. Then depressed. Then resigned.

 

Been looking at the personals. Found and contacted a nice girl, but she turned out to be a big dog lover abd i'm not and that was that she decided. tried a couple more no luck.

 

Over the holidays I visited with an ex gf, let's call her Karen. We talked about alot of issues. When we started dating I was very interested in another girl who was about ten yrs younger than me. Let's call her Cleopatra, Queen of the Nile. No wait let's call her Amy. She was 18, i was 31. I didn't pursue Amy because she was too young, but there was alot of flirting between us. So I ended up with Karen. She brought up Amy while I was there, saying how I had a thing for her for years. I said she was too young at which point I was reminded that she wasn't too young anymore. It also turned out that Karen is dating a man 13 yrs older than she.

 

While looking at the personals i've been looking at younger women around Amy's age. So today I thought what am I doing? I decided to call Amy.

 

Today I called Amy and left a message. It's been almost 10 yrs since I last saw her and a long overdue call.

 

This evening I got a callback.

 

We talked for 15 minutes and in that time she managed to tell me her work and relationship history for the lat ten years, her disappointment with her life, that she wants kids, dislikes her job, that she is the process of breaking up with her boyfriend and that she wanted to be up front about things so I knew. I didn't prompt her on this stuff other than to say how are you?

 

I wonder if Karen talked to her...

 

I told Amy that I'm disappointed with my life, in that I wanted kids. That I'm doing well enuf otherwise, not seeing anyone and wabt to take her to dinner.

 

She's supposed to call back next week to set a day.

 

 

Amy's actually 28, two yrs younger than Mary. And personalitywise she's the type that just really captivates me. She's going to either destroy me or make me incredibly happy over the long run.

 

 

I was surpised at the similarities and differences in Mary and Amy's experiences. They were both in the same community college. Amy got a degree, but no job from it and works retail. Mary didn't get a degree but got a good job (with an assist fromme). Both worked as a waitress in a strip club. Amy complained about the quality of the men and women she associated with there, Mary's best friend was a stripper. Amy want's kids, Mary had 5.

 

More to follow

[Curt]

I've read your "Lost Guide to No contact," and I found your writing witty, intelligent, and well-reasoned. You're clearly an intelligent guy.

 

You are likely correct that dating Amy at 31, while she was 18, would not have been a good idea.

 

Ask yourself this: You're now around 41? And she's 28 correct?

 

Would there not be major differences in you both still?

 

I'm not saying don't do it, I'm saying take it MAJORLY MAJORLY SLOW ... sometimes, the age differences can be massive. As time goes on, they will continue to be major.

 

When you're about 55, and maybe ready to retire, she'll only be ~42. Major life difference there for sure.

 

Also, when she's around 67, you, will be ~80. This will introduce issues.

 

Think carefully, and examine the issues. You're too well-reasoned to not do so.

 

Curt