TigerAlone Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 I really need to tell my story, not so much for advice just to let it out. Two years ago while on contract abroad I met a man working there, but also from abroad. We spent our time there together and developed feelings for each other. The time came for each of our contracts to end and for us to return to our home countries. We continued talking and skyping and dreaming. I was to go visit him on another contract elsewhere and things were looking good. He even met my parents on skype. Unfortunately we havnt been able to see each other since. Very sadly all hell broke loose in his country which is now ravaged by war. Amazingly enough we kept talking, even as his world was literally crumbling. It was heartbreaking and devastating. He would tell me of the news there and how terrible it was. His father passed away also during this time. It was literally hell for him. I dont even know how but we kept communicating, mostly by chat because skype and the net were not working so well. He fled his country one year later with his family, and are now living in difficulty but at least are safe. I honestly dont even know how we have kept in contact almost daily through all this. But we did. There are so many just practical reasons we should not even be in contact anymore, and we are. I saw him go through hell and all emotions and was really just there as a friend at that point. I was also going through a very difficult time that year in my own life, although nothing like him. Through all of this we have gotten to know each other on such a deep level of honesty and true friendship, far beyond the intial attraction we had at the beginning. I can now say I truly love this person. I felt it was a meant to be meeting, and that we were in each others lives for a reason, rather spiritual, perhaps just to be there for each other, even if only virtually. I cant say oh my 'long-distance boyfriend', or that its a formal relationship, its just something else. He shows me how he feels as do I but because of this crazy situation, I coudnt have any expectations from him or about a future. Although its really hard not to hope that one day we will see each other again, and do all the things we have talked and dreamt about. He is now doing relatively better although they have lost everything and are just trying to survive there. We finally decided that I would try to get him a visa to come here. I had offered before, but he didnt want to at that time. And it involves so much, Im not sure it will work because of his papers, but Ive been willing to try. And I know its for the right reasons and that its time to try. I will try without shutting myself off from my reality here. I dont really want to see anyone else but of course everyone tells me to stay open to the possibilities, as I cant wait for him, and I know they are right. So I try to do that. Its a strange feeling. Its a simply crazy story, and Im not even sure of the future at all. Although I really really really want to see him, and I feel that we have something together, I have tried to be realistic and keep my head on straight and my feet on the ground about this situation. I want to do what I feel is right without become sucked into something unhealthy for myself. Thats coming from my own self and nothing he has put onto me through pressure or anything like that. Its definitely been really hard though. I never could have imagined this story. I really truly pray for him to have all that he deserves and to be happy, as I know he does for me, even if we are not meant to be together. So for know I just try and see it like that, and even if I do dream of seeing him again, its all I can do to keep balanced. Thanks for listening.
TAV Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 That sounds very hard but wonderful at the same time. I guess you were his beacon in the storm all this time? If you can get him to your country try to see if you two are really compatible when you are not on a rollercoaster ride. I guess you will be since you met each other under relatively normal circumstances. I understand why your friends and family warn you to keep an open mind and heart for other men in your life. They worry for you and only want the best for you. I came out of a long and very rocky marriage when I realised that my LDR friend meant more to me and my friends, who wanted me to be with someone who could give me everything that my ex-husband never could, were very worried and had a lot of reserves about my new situation. But they can see now that he makes me happy, despite being far away most of the time and when I explain to them that after almost 2 yrs we can still talk all night about basically anything and still enjoy each other’s 'company' so much they understand that we have something very special. So try to do what is right for you. Good luck. 2
justwhoiam Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 Some parts of your story are foggy. 1) Was there anything between you two while you were working together? Or just getting along? 2) You were talking every day the whole time. Why didn't he try to take his family to your country as option #1? 3) What do you know about his culture/traditions/religion? It's good that you're trying to be realistic, but you said you love this man. So that constant communication already went a long way with you. Watch out.
Author TigerAlone Posted April 28, 2014 Author Posted April 28, 2014 Thank you TAV. Yes but I will say it has been mutual support too, not only one way. And I know what you mean, I had a similar situation where I was in a tough relationship and my friends and family saw me not doing well. They have been very supportive with this far away story, although protective of course, because they see me have peace and happiness with it. And they know me the best of course so that is very reassuring. But of course being careful. 1
Author TigerAlone Posted April 28, 2014 Author Posted April 28, 2014 Some parts of your story are foggy. 1) Was there anything between you two while you were working together? Or just getting along? 2) You were talking every day the whole time. Why didn't he try to take his family to your country as option #1? 3) What do you know about his culture/traditions/religion? It's good that you're trying to be realistic, but you said you love this man. So that constant communication already went a long way with you. Watch out. Yes we were dating at that time. So I knew him in that kind of context and when things were going well. I am very familiar with his culture and religion and speak a little of his language. When they left their country they went just across the border to a neighbouring country. I live in another continent so that was not an option at that time. I am not sure what you mean by the last part. As we have known each other yes love has developed. Its possible to love and be realistic about it all.
justwhoiam Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 I meant that you sounded objective, but I could read between the lines. As you are already in love with this man, I hardly see you being so detached and objective. That's why I said: watch out.
Author TigerAlone Posted April 28, 2014 Author Posted April 28, 2014 I meant that you sounded objective, but I could read between the lines. As you are already in love with this man, I hardly see you being so detached and objective. That's why I said: watch out. Watch out for what? Getting hurt? being disappointed? investing too much? of course, no doubt. Loving someone does not make us totally blind to the reality, or it shouldnt anyways. And Im not sure the only other solution is to be detached. If that day comes when I feel out of balance or that it too much for me, I will step back. I cant afford to get lost in this, so balance seems to be the key for me. The thing I realize in this situation, and I guess with life experience and age Im on my late 30s) too, is that we really don't own each other. Thinking about the way we meet people in our lives and that each meeting is teaching us something, I understand that he has his path and I have mine, and we met and perhaps we will meet again in person, perhaps not. Of course I would really like that and will take steps to make it possible if I can, with losing myself in the process. Its a challenge sometimes for sure.
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