Joangel Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 I am constantly at odds with my sister on my views about dating. I dated for a while after my divorce and am I am kind of over it. I feel if I were meant to be with someone we would meet some how, somewhere. I am also uncomfortable with sleeping around. I slept with two men since my husband and I am feel sick about it. I keep thinking I'll meet the right guy one day and I don't want to have to explain I was with XYZ. My sister feels I should get out there, go to bars, clubs, that sort of thing. Personally, I feel causal dating and sex is a waste of time and energy and I don't want drain myself. I feel guilt because I am lonely but my values are important me. Am I being unrealistic believing Mr. Right will pop up at the grocery store one day?
PogoStick Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 Mr Right is not going to pop into your life. It's simple statistics. The more guys you meet and get to know, the higher chance you'll meet the right guy. You don't have to meet them in bars, nor must you have sex with anyone until you're ready.
Author Joangel Posted April 27, 2014 Author Posted April 27, 2014 Sounds great but it's been my experience guys want to jump in bed pretty quickly. It's seems like by date four they loose interest otherwise. I guess too many women give it up to quickly. I would love to just date and get to know a person but this isn't 1950 men are just not that way anymore. I've been called uptight, prude, you name it. It kind of exhausting, seems like all or nothing are my options.
HappyLove Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 You never know where or when Mr Right will pop up. That's totally separate from your values. Never compromise your values. Sleeping around doesn't get you Mr Right either just look around the boards. 1
Leigh 87 Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 Hi Joangel, I also thought that I should put myself out there and go out to the clubs and bars after my last relationship failed. He had cheated on me and I was over dating and thought I should just have fun and be more "casual" . If casual sex is not who you are and you are not comfortable with the idea, DON'T DO IT. Doing something like that can cause lasting damage. I don't feel comfortable getting intimate with a man I am not in a relationship with. When I tried doing it, it caused a lot of damage and I did not even enjoy the process. Some of the guy were really "hot" too, but alas, I still didn't enjoy it and it still deeply saddened me after it happened. Some women enjoy a more casual intimate relationship, where as other girls cannot do it without feeling some degree of retribution after wards. I felt like I was punishing myself for some reason. I have had to seek therapy for it. Not to mention, sleeping around NOW can limit your future dating pool. I personally chose to disclose my past and most men were fine with it, but one guy freaked out and thought lowly of me and was furious that he " fell in love with a skank" Just don't do it, it is not worth it unless you ARE truly okay with exchanging bodily fluids with men whom do not truly care for you. 2
Wisecrack Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 You'll never meet Mr Right in a bar or club. Think what they are catered for - the dimmed lights, loud music - it is a cess pot for people to unknowingly hook up. What you need to do is find or have a hobby of which you can join a club with. That or gatherings with friends of friends of friends etc. In doing so both cases allow you to mingle with people you like under a neutral environment and hence letting two people either fire interest with out any other factors coming into play. 1
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