dontgiveuponme Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 Hello everyone, Me and my fiancee been together for 3 years and he comes to my country twice a year and stays here for 6 to 8 weeks.We used to have a very strong relationship but this past 3 months is crazy and i dont know what to do or how long i can bear it. Everything went downhill when we tried a fiancee visa last October 2013 and got the result a month after saying its "On Hold" due to the fact that he didnt meet the income requirement which is ridiculously high.The sponsor need to have 18,600 pounds income a year and he got 21k income but we didnt know not including expenses and him visits me in my country didnt help it. So he blames himself for that and got really depressed he still comes here December 2013 but everything changed to the point he broke up with me but after 2 weeks he comes back and apologize.But its still really traumatic and overwhelming to me coz it includes an affair.He comes back to UK but we still communicate everyday. Then April 3 we had an argument and he hardly talk to me. After a week i leave him a message and he replied we better give each other some space because he dont know what he really wants i said ok..Then yesterday i cant take it anymore i leave him a message saying he better tell me that he doesnt want me anymore rather than ignoring me because i can understand and willing to let him go. Then he replied he still loves me but he dont want to be so stressed out coz of everything and still no visa what are we meant to do.He said our lives are put on hold because of that and we cant be properly together and its already been 3 years..Seeing me just twice a year hurts him. I then ask him if he wants to give up and he replied i said it as if he never tried but he cant find any other options.I then found out that because of that very high income threshold requirement lots of people have thier appeal.And the court have a hearing bout the case last march but still not over yet so all the visa thats on hold coz of that are still on hold till the matter got clarified..But lots of people saying the hearing wont be over till 2015.Maybe thats why he is very cold and distant to me because whenever he sees me he thinks bout the visa and our unknown future. I dont know what to do im scared he will really give up and him being so distant and cold not helping at all..Any advice would be much appreciated.
TAV Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 I'm so sorry for your situation, dontgiveuponme, it must be horrible to see all your hopes and dreams coming to an end and your loved one withdrawing. I think the advice you received in your other threads is still valid, nothing has changed really, he is not committed to your relationship anymore and does not have enough cojones to end it. It all sounds like a terrible struggle. I know a future without him must seem frightening to you but usually the fear is worse than the reality. I hope you find the courage to step away from this situation soon. 3
ExpatInItaly Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 He's pulling away and trying to end it, in my honest opinion. It sounds as though he doesn't have the courage to tell you that but his actions are saying it. You very briefly mentioned an affair. Did he cheat on you? 2
missunshine Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 I am really sorry for the situation u are in, it must be really really hard for you... I still think you shouldn't give up on him.. tell him you love him, tell him you love him with all your heart, and after three years of being together and hoping for the best, you are willing to wait for just a little longer. He is probably just frustrated because he loves you too, and he is helpless in doing anything about the visa. but tell him how much you love him. make him feel better about this. and tell him not to worry. the wait will pay off in the end. 1
missunshine Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 I just read some of ur posts where you talk about ur fiancee like he lives right next to you, and asking u out for a cup of coffee and cheating on u. are your stories real, or r u just playing us around here giving u sincere answers?
TAV Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 I just read some of ur posts where you talk about ur fiancee like he lives right next to you, and asking u out for a cup of coffee and cheating on u. are your stories real, or r u just playing us around here giving u sincere answers? I think he was visiting her for 2 months at the time of those posts? I think she is for real? If you sincerely think she is not rea,l I've been told you have to report her for trolling and not call her out here
missunshine Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 yea but wouldn't he stay with her if he visited her for 2 months? oh it's fine, I don't intend to report anyone, it's her business.
Author dontgiveuponme Posted April 30, 2014 Author Posted April 30, 2014 Ms.sunshine he visited Dec.05 last year till Feb.02 this year.and the cheating happen 2nd week of January hope that makes sense.And I did try to tell him I'm willing to wait and love him but what like the other people said here who needs a space in LDR?we need to communicate so that the relationship will work. 1
The Like Fairy Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 Set yourself free. End it, go no contact and just move on. I think it's like that movie and book - 'He's Just Not That Into You'. Life is short, move on. No Contact is the fastest way to healing. All the best to you.
soccerrprp Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 Ms.sunshine he visited Dec.05 last year till Feb.02 this year.and the cheating happen 2nd week of January hope that makes sense.And I did try to tell him I'm willing to wait and love him but what like the other people said here who needs a space in LDR?we need to communicate so that the relationship will work. He cheated on you WHILE he was visiting you???!?!?!? Ugh. Yeah, he is discouraged and less committed to the LDR. How in the world is he able to take off for 2-months???!?!?!?!?!? With all the time he takes off, he could be working more, making more money and meeting that income requirement, no? 2
Els Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 An LDR is difficult in itself. Cheating is terrible in itself. The two combined? Honestly, leave, stop investing your time in him. Sometimes it really isn't worth it. 3
Michelle ma Belle Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 An LDR is difficult in itself. Cheating is terrible in itself. The two combined? Honestly, leave, stop investing your time in him. Sometimes it really isn't worth it. Agreed. Take this advice and the others that have been posted here. He's acting like a coward by not coming out and telling you what you both seem to already know. His cheating is a clear betrayal on it's own but to have done it WHILE visiting you?!?! Unforgivable in my opinion. What does that say about his character? Do you really want to be with someone like this? Let go and move on. You deserve better. 3
Ghiop Posted May 4, 2014 Posted May 4, 2014 Sounds like he's not committed and doesn't want to be with you anymore, but yet is too afraid to say so. End it.
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