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I developed a strong crush on a muslim girl and now I don't know if I should ask her

Strike4

By Strike4
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Strike4 New Member

Strike4

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I've had a rule in my life. I always liked Muslim women but I never would develop a crush because they tend to date within the Muslim faith. Also, my crush's tend to be rare and unfortunately intense.

 

There was this girl I kinda liked, I thought she was Arab, I found out she's from Bangladesh and is actually Asian, so I thought "eh she's probably not Muslim" and then I started REALLY liking her and dam near worked up the courage to ask her out yesterday.

 

She's a work friend, we talk here and there. Really I just like her personality very soft spoken, sweet, and funny. When we talk I make her laugh and she does seem to enjoy my company. I am confident in my appearance and personality.

 

I found out today she's a Muslim :(. I have NO problem dating someone of any faith, I am a liberal Christian. I believe though that a high percentage of Muslim's won't date anyone outside their religion. Right now the crush is so intense I'm actually afraid of not only rejection but the awkwardness that would ruin our friendship and make me/her uncomfortable at work as a result of rejection.

 

I feel stupid, I hate how I get these intense crush's. She's one of the four girls I've liked in my life, and I'm 24 years old. I was in a 8 year relationship that ended horribly, I got over it after 2-3 years and am ready to start dating again. I've never asked a girl out before :( my ex and I we're kind of a mutual agreement to go out over text messaging. I wish I could of never developed this crush in the first place, that way rejection wouldn't bother me OR make me feel awkward also I wouldn't feel a intense need to ask her out.

 

I don't know what to do... The options I've thought out are

 

 

- Ask her out and learn to deal with rejection in the likely occurrence

- Ask her to hang out and if she says yes kinda bring up her faith covert like when we're out doing something lol

- Let it go (this option sucks as bad as rejection but avoids the negative consequences of it) and when I let it go perhaps ask her out when rejection won't bother me IF I get to that place

 

 

I should add no one at work knows about this. I was with a guy today that's also Muslim and works with her, ironically he's from Bangladesh too. I said "I kinda like Ray" and he explained she's a strict Muslim but I should go for it. I trust him, I'm considering telling him "I REALLY like Ray" and explaining the situation to him to see what he says. I don't believe he would tell anyone else about it, and I know he wouldn't give bad advice.

 

I hate feeling so vulnerable to someone I barely know :( any advice will help me immensely. I feel depressed like a small dose of grief.

Edited by Strike4
bubbaganoosh Established Member

bubbaganoosh

Posted
Posted

Friend. as a guy whose been turned down many times, the only thing she could say if you ask her out is yes or no.

 

Now if she says yes, there isn't any need to bring up her religion. If your going to a movie use common sense to pick a movie that isn't vulgar or offending.

 

Going to dinner. The ask her to dinner and enjoy yourself.

 

If she says no and it's because of her strict religion, then accept it and move on but don't hold it against her. her faith is her faith and no one has the right to question it.

 

All in all, take a chance. You never know and good luck to you.

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Strike4 New Member

Strike4

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I understand. A part of me wants to go for it, but if I know she's going to say no I'd hate to make her feel awkward when I'm around. Like in the break room if I sit by her there'd likely be a awkward silence lol. I do value our friendship. If she was a girl I could ask out and wouldn't have to see almost everyday after a rejection, I would have no problem.

 

I am a professional rapper, she told me she loves rap, so I gave her my album. It's got vulgar lyrics lol at first I was like "OH ****! I ****ed up!" but maybe a good plan of action is to ask her if she listened to it and then be like "I didn't/don't want you to listen to it really, cause I found out you're a Muslim and I don't want to offend you cause it's gangster rap lol". In that moment I can find out if she's a strict practicing Muslim or not pretty easily :p.

 

Right now I think I need to play down this crush big time.Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't believe infatuation is appropriate until AFTER people are dating. If I didn't have infatuation I could ask her out in a confident manor, and accept rejection much easier. I need to tell my friend the situation and trust he won't tell anyone, if nothing more it will be good to get it off my chest to someone that knows her and me well. I'm not embarrassed, but I don't want her to feel uncomfortable by everyone knowing which is why I haven't told anyone - gossip spreads like wildfire lol. It's weird how comfortable I am talking to her for how uncomfortable I am asking out. Usually I would be uncomfortable talking to any girl I crushed on.

 

I KINDA feel I know what to do, but still want advice. It seems I know what to do, but I don't lol.

 

My hope is that she's more of a cultural Muslim with a not so strict family, otherwise, there's no way lol.

 

I could perhaps flirt with her a little bit, like a "you're so beautiful" comment or something and see how she reacts. I dunno what to do... I'm anxious lol.

Edited by Strike4
Decipleoflove Member

Decipleoflove

Posted
Posted

Your story sounds familiar to mine :)

at least your crush is not in a relationship right now (i asume/hope she is available for you)

 

If i were you i would go for it (if she gave you clues that she likes you back though), if you feel love for her take the chance and work your guts and ask her out. If she says no, you will still be happy you did. Cause you had the balls to ask her out and you don.t have to live in uncertainty anymore. which drains much more energy. goodluck

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Strike4 New Member

Strike4

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Your story sounds familiar to mine :)

at least your crush is not in a relationship right now (i asume/hope she is available for you)

 

If i were you i would go for it (if she gave you clues that she likes you back though), if you feel love for her take the chance and work your guts and ask her out. If she says no, you will still be happy you did. Cause you had the balls to ask her out and you don.t have to live in uncertainty anymore. which drains much more energy. goodluck

 

I like the advice! :-)

 

Do you think asking her to hangout would be a good go to in this situation? I've never seen her outside of work, and if she's gonna say no to hanging out she probably wouldn't go out either lol. And if she says no to hanging out it will cause less awkwardness afterwards.

Arieswoman Established Member

Arieswoman

Posted
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Strike4,

 

and he explained she's a strict Muslim but I should go for it.

 

This is bad advice. If she is a strict Muslim she won't go out with you anyway. It's posssible that her family already have some "suitable" chaps lined up for her and you aren't one of them.

 

Interfaith relationships can be problematic.

 

Don't you meet any Christian girls at your church?

 

I'd pass and look for someone who shares your Christian values.

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Noproblem Established Member

Noproblem

Posted
Posted

Well,

 

Your options are

Convert if she is strict

Pretend to, if her family are strict, but she is not.

 

 

But that is so soon, meanwhile

 

Be her friend and then ask her out.

 

She might be strict but not that much when it comes to love

Who knows.....

 

Strict or not, love always do miracles.

 

It also ruins lives.

 

So be careful

 

Converting or running away together is inevitable.

 

Unless she and her family are liberal, so ask her questions to find out before you complicate your life.

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bubbaganoosh Established Member

bubbaganoosh

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After reading this, I have to tell you that your not making points by giving her a cd you made with vulgar lyrics in it. You may as well asked her to go to an adult book store with you on your first date although I'm old, 66, so maybe times have changed.

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bryceisbryce Member

bryceisbryce

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I dated an Asian girl from a Muslim family for three years (she wasn't a practicing Muslim but her parents were and she grew up in a Muslim country). I was 22 and she was 25. If you think it's too soon to ask her on a date date then just ask her to hangout and use that opportunity to tell her that you like her and would like to take her out on a real date. If she says no then be understanding and cool about it to avoid awkwardness.

 

The girl I dated and her friends were actually more concerned about pleasing their parents than religious obedience. Knowing that she's Muslim wouldn't change my approach any more than if she were Catholic. It really depends on the girl. Best thing to do is not to make any assumptions about her, her family, or culture just because you know they're Muslim.

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Decipleoflove Member

Decipleoflove

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I like the advice! :-)

 

Do you think asking her to hangout would be a good go to in this situation? I've never seen her outside of work, and if she's gonna say no to hanging out she probably wouldn't go out either lol. And if she says no to hanging out it will cause less awkwardness afterwards.

 

I think the most important thing is to do what makes you the most comfortable and fits you (your style) well (not too comfortable though, because a little tension in the air is good). Being yourself is important. Because in that way you will be more confident. And confidence is attractive to girls. So if you are not sure if she would go out (for a date) with you yet because it makes you scared a bit (of her reaction), asking her to hangout outside of your workplace is a good alternative. You will get to see how she behaves outside of your work. After she is getting more comfortable with you being together outside, you can still take it to the next step and ask her out for a date. (oh, don't forget the romance ;)) GL

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Strike4 New Member

Strike4

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I think the most important thing is to do what makes you the most comfortable and fits you (your style) well (not too comfortable though, because a little tension in the air is good). Being yourself is important. Because in that way you will be more confident. And confidence is attractive to girls. So if you are not sure if she would go out (for a date) with you yet because it makes you scared a bit (of her reaction), asking her to hangout outside of your workplace is a good alternative. You will get to see how she behaves outside of your work. After she is getting more comfortable with you being together outside, you can still take it to the next step and ask her out for a date. (oh, don't forget the romance ;)) GL

 

 

I love all the advice given, but this in particular struck a chord with me. This is what I feel in my heart is the right thing to do. What's really weird is I have so much confidence just talking to her right now, but the idea of asking her out makes me panic. Usually if I like a girl I struggle just to talk to her, not this one, I talk to her very openly and joke around.

 

The weird thing is in the break room today I was talking to her and this co-worker was like "ooooooooooooh (my name) and (her name)". I haven't told ANYONE about this situation. She knew just by how we were talking. She got nervous and was like "Oh yeah oh yeah! that's what it is!" lol

 

I'm pretty sure she has an idea, this is the second time someone could tell.

 

Right now the best strategy in my mind would be to maintain a friendship and if the opportune moment comes to ask her to hangout, then I will. This opportune moment is likely to come up at some point, if it doesn't then I will say it wasn't meant to be. There's no stipulation I'm putting on what makes it opportune, just a moment I feel comfortable asking. If we hangout just kinda bring up her religion and go from there, let the conversation flow with no expectations.

 

I've been letting go of my feelings for her as they're not being productive by any means. They hurt my confidence and serve no purpose. I don't think I can stop liking her a lot, but the infatuation has to go. I've been getting a sense of loss letting go of the infatuation, is this normal? I'm hoping it will be temporary I've been practicing it two days and it's pretty bad but only comes in waves.

 

Thanks guys! :-)

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Strike4 New Member

Strike4

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I would like to add for anyone struggling with a similar problem.

 

I talked to my spiritual mentor about the situation and this is what he had to say.

 

Told him about my situation and how it stressed me out

 

Him: "did you ask her if she won't date non-muslim's?"

Me: "no"

Him:"Oh so you're assuming she won't based on how you perceive her cultural background"

Me: "yeah"

Him: "It's never good to stress over assumptions, just because she's Muslim doesn't mean she won't go out with a non-Muslim. Not all Muslim's have the same beliefs. Just like not all baptist Christians are gay bashers."

 

He told me to focus on being her friend and turning my will and life over to God. He said if it's meant to be it will happen. In the mean time I need to grow myself spiritually, focus on finishing school, and not worry about the future. I need to accept whatever happens as a part of God's plan, and not make assumptions. When I reach this level of acceptance and take care of my responsibilities, then I'll be ready to approach her with a new level of understanding...

 

Pretty trippy stuff, it helped a lot. I still struggle but I know what I'm aiming for. Just thought I'd share it with you guys :-). I'm kind of pissed I gave her my rap CD lol, I did explain to her I was raised on and inspired Detroit rap. I really shouldn't be rapping the way I am anyways and HAVE been changing my style since to a more spiritual route. Oh well, I gave it to her, there's nothing I can do about it, it happened for a reason, I can't change the past, from now on I'm practicing acceptance and maintaining a healthy relationship while building my relationship with God until I'm ready to try for a next step. But I will try for that step if I get to that place and she's still in my life. I will not rush the process, if she declines I will have already accepted it, if not then awesome! :-D But I want to go into it with no expectations.

 

That's pretty much the decision I've made.

Emilia Established Member

Emilia

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You do realise she won't sleep with you or even make out with you until you get married, right? She is probably a virgin and will want to remain so. Nothing wrong with that of course but just to manage your expectations.

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darkmoon Established Member

darkmoon

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I do not know why she would get offended over anything, I think you should find somebody more easy-going, if you get into this relationship you will be censoring your convos and date ideas indefinitely

Edited by darkmoon
gaius Established Member

gaius

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They might have cut off her clit too so good luck having a satisfying sex life if that's the case.

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jackieblack07 New Member

jackieblack07

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By whatever you have said you seems to look like a genuine guy who has crush on a girl after dating a few people in your life with whom you really dint get along with, But think even after she says you an yes for instance would you open up with her about your previous relationship and if you do would she able to except you even after that. As I know as she being Muslim will follow something that would be right according to her religion. If you ready to get converted tell her that may be would help her think about you as it would be a point to prove your love to her.

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Strike4 New Member

Strike4

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You do realise she won't sleep with you or even make out with you until you get married, right? She is probably a virgin and will want to remain so. Nothing wrong with that of course but just to manage your expectations.

 

 

For sure, I'd actually admire that trait on any girl. I know they can't date, would I get engaged right away? Yes. Understand this is the biggest crush I've ever had x 10 and it's not in appearance as much as personality. Understand I have the best of intentions. I authentically feel love towards this girl, it's not physical attraction it's something more.

 

I'm going to bring it up one day when I'm ready, right now I'm going to work on my spirituality. I am a Christain who follows the traditions and beliefs of Judaism and also believe Mohammed is a prophet. I haven't read much in the Koran but I would enjoy to see what I can take from it. I doubt the beliefs much contradict Christianity or Judaism as they share the same prophets and as I said before, I think Mohammed was a man of God. I think in the end actions matter more then what a person says they believe, spirituality succeeds religiosity, I don't wanna start a religious debate just share my perspective as it pertains to this situation.

 

I use to be very spiritually connected, but I have a rough history of abuse so I fell away. I need to get back in that place. There was a time I wouldn't have sex with my ex simply cause I didn't believe in premarital relationships from my religious views.

 

I'm going to take it easy, be her friend, work on finding and developing my beliefs. I actually been planning on changing my rap music to spiritual rather then "gangster". If it takes a girl to bring me to God, then that's a great thing. If I don't get a relationship with her, I will get a relationship with God. Either way this has been a good thing for me :-).

 

I will eventually ask her to hangout. I'm pretty sure in that moment I will know without making things awkward between us. A guy and a girl "hanging out" isn't much different from dating with the exception of a label. I would like to talk to her about her beliefs because I'm sincerely interested in them.

Chalkdust89 Established Member

Chalkdust89

Posted
Posted
I am a professional rapper, she told me she loves rap, so I gave her my album. It's got vulgar lyrics lol at first I was like "OH ****! I ****ed up!" but maybe a good plan of action is to ask her if she listened to it and then be like "I didn't/don't want you to listen to it really, cause I found out you're a Muslim and I don't want to offend you cause it's gangster rap lol". In that moment I can find out if she's a strict practicing Muslim or not pretty easily :p

 

I am not Muslim, but I don't like that you are (or were?) planning to say that to her. I know plenty of Muslims who listen to gangster rap, and I know plenty of non-Muslims who get offended by it. You need to get to know her as a person, not as a poster child of her religion, just like your spiritual mentor said. I know you are trying to be polite, but if you keep acting like her religion is a weakness instead of embracing it and just thinking of it as something about her, you'll make her feel like there's something wrong with her. Imagine if she had a disability - would you make it the focus of every conversation? Hopefully not. Be open and give her an opportunity to say no if you think something might be uncomfortable for her...but don't put words in her mouth!

 

As a general rule you should wait to get to know someone and her sense of humor/limits before you give her possibly offensive stuff. Or say, "here it is, just so you know there is some vulgar language in it". But that's done and you can't change it. Just don't bring her religion into every discussion, because it may get tiresome for her. All my Muslim friends, male and female, know how to show us a great time within their personal beliefs and it doesn't feel restrictive. If it does feel restrictive for you, then you know that either her lifestyle is not for you and she's not a good fit, or you need to widen your own perspective and jump out of your comfort zone a bit more.

Emilia Established Member

Emilia

Posted
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For sure, I'd actually admire that trait on any girl. I know they can't date, would I get engaged right away? Yes. Understand this is the biggest crush I've ever had x 10 and it's not in appearance as much as personality. Understand I have the best of intentions. I authentically feel love towards this girl, it's not physical attraction it's something more.

So you are ok with marrying someone who may be uncomfortable with sex or is prejudiced about it. I'm assuming you aren't a virgin, yourself.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/468959-deal-asexual-wife

learning_slowly Established Member

learning_slowly

Posted
Posted
They might have cut off her clit too so good luck having a satisfying sex life if that's the case.

 

What decade are you living in? Most Muslims in developed countries live just like the rest of us. I've had a Muslim gf before and I can tell you that they know how to cum if you know what you're doing.

 

But from your comment, maybe you don't?

 

What benefit does your point have apart from letting us know you're racist?

Emilia Established Member

Emilia

Posted
Posted
What decade are you living in? Most Muslims in developed countries live just like the rest of us. I've had a Muslim gf before and I can tell you that they know how to cum if you know what you're doing.

 

But from your comment, maybe you don't?

 

What benefit does your point have apart from letting us know you're racist?

Female genital mutilation in the UK

 

BBC News - FGM: UK's first female genital mutilation prosecutions announced

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