Thoughts on My Mind

[Sara_M]

Hello everyone. I'm here to tell a short story, it won't take too long. No rude or nonsense responses please. I'm just looking some perspectives on this situation.

 

A long time ago, I dated a guy for 8 months. I later discovered he had a very dysfunctional family. His personality was different, obviously more kind, considerate in the beginning of when we dated. He treated me more like a mistress than a girlfriend, even though he called me his GF. He didn't want to take me out and thought that was pointless. I heard from friends (i don't ask, they tell me) that he continues to do this even though he KNOWS it hurts girls. He pretends to be deaf and dumb, which makes me laugh. It's not that he doesn't know how to. Oh he knows how to court a girl. He just doesn't want to.

 

The one thing that I left out was how he abused me. We didn't have sex, since i was a virgin. But I would be his mistress in that, he would force me for sexual favours or he would leave. He harassed me, verbally abused me. On October 29th, 2013, he pushed me against the wall, slapped my face extremely hard, punched my breasts and then tried to pushed me down the carpet-covered stairs in his house. Luckily i caught the rails but my cheek was bleeding a bit. He threw his shoe at me, called me a "fcker" and left me there, petrified and bleeding. It felt as if I was going to have a heart attack. I was very scared of him ever since that day. I knew I had to leave him.

2 weeks later, he calls me and says he's sorry (it was a very indirect apology, he doesn't ever apologize). We meet at a Cafe. Obviously I pay for my coffee, he is not much of a gentleman. Although I like to pay for my own things, I always watch how the guy treats me. He then asked me if we can start over but we have to have sex first. He wanted me to give him my virginity. My heart was beating very fast. I knew he was only going to take it and leave me. I could smell this goal on him. So I said, "No". He replies, "Oh..no?" I nod, "Correct". He then tried to pour the hot coffee all over me but stopped himself. Then he left. Forever. I was glad...no more abuse. Freedom. Peace. And no more living in fear, unless he pops back into my life but I won't let him touch me or come near me. I feel nothing for him and the part of my heart that let him has shriveled up and died. I have a new heart to give out now.

 

I never wanted to give him my virginity. I wanted to love only person and marry that one person my entire life. Luckily, to this day in 2014, I have found that person. Or so i think, so far. We are exclusive so far, he is not dating anyone else. He takes me out. We go places and he treats me like a lady should be treated. I dont' just take from him; i give back. I reward him with affection, compliments and naughty texts at night, which he enjoys. We haven't had sex yet. He respects me a lot. I feel extremely happy and loved. He's a hopeless romantic. On one of our dates, he got me rose and told me it was "red, especially for love" and then he kissed my lips while clasping it in my hand. I'll cherish that moment forever.

 

I texted him after, asking him questions about why he treated me so badly. Here is a snippet of the conversation:

 

Me: Can you please tell me why ?

Him: Can you stop texting me? You're the most creepiest girl that I've ever known!

Me: Don't deny the reasons. You need to face the facts and face reality. Why did you hit me?

Him: When are you going to stop??? You bitch!

Me: When you realize that I am human. That I have feelings. That I don't deserve to be treated like "nothing". I am a living human being.

Him: I didn't do ****

Me: You're right. I'll find someone who cares.

 

He didn't respond after that. Someone told me he felt sad but I doubt it. Usually when i tell him i am leaving, his eyes widen in disbelief. What does he fear? That someone better will treat me the way i deserve? Or just afraid of losing someone he thought he can control?

 

He's the most insensitive, ruthless guy I've ever known. Everytime I ask him "why" he will brush it off and say that happened a long time ago. Can't he empathize like a real man? What a POS. I dont want to forgive him because he's done nothing to make up for it. Nothing at all. Only God has given me a great gift - my BF.

 

Apparently the abusive guy I dated is now dating this girl. It started last year. It's around 6 months from what my friends say. I have seen her around the city ( we all live in a small city) and my friends know her but don't talk to her. My friends make fun of her, calling her "ugly" and "plain-Jane", "weirdo", and "12-year"old". They talk about how she has no friends and a very strange family. My friends are exotic looking and I guess I am too. I am half-european. At first, I got caught into the name-calling and slut-shaming. I was laughing along too. When they mocked how she talked, I would laugh!

 

However one day, I discovered a lot about her. That's when my laughter faded. I was no longer laughing with my friends. I discovered this "ex" (not really an ex to me) treated her awfully. When I first heard that, I didn't laugh anymore. My face became frozen. Just how is that funny? It's not. He treats her like a mistress yet, proposed her to be his GF. Never takes her out. Lies to her. Makes fun of her. Verbally abuse her. He did all of what he did to me, but in a Ten-fold manner. Much worse. He even stalks the poor girl, raids her phone and constantly keeps a watch on her Facebook. I later learned that she comes from a broken home. Her father was abusive and she lives with her Mom and sister. A tear spilled from my eyes. She doesn't have a good home, her father used to hurt her, she isn't that close to her mom; now her BF treats her bad. She doesn't even deserve this. She deserves a Man. Someone who truly loves her. Cares about her. My heart goes out to her and I hope she realizes this very soon. How could she allow herself to be treated that way? Where's her self-respect?

 

My friends also told me she talks to her ex, whom she was with for over 8 years. She has been talking to him through the latter period of her current relationship. Sure she's cheating. It's wrong. But I can see why. She should leave my ex. Her ex seems like a good guy and he treated her much better than my ex. He comforts her and takes care of her. I smile when I hear she's happy. No one deserves that kind of low, brutal treatment. No one.

 

I also heard my ex took another girl's virginity; or that he took more than 2 even. I don't know if that's true. But if it is, I just can't believe it. This guy should go to Hell. Or leave the country because he's not welcome here anymore. What is up with this guy? Why does he treat girls like this? I not only feel sorry for the first girl but for ALL girls who date him. I just want to save them all. Protect them. Tell them about who he really is, because I know everything about him that no one else knows. I want this guy GONE; to be kept away from broken people and people who don't deserve this horrible guy.

Edited April 27, 2014 by Sara_M

[Brett Favre]

Firsly, I am so sorry for what you have been through. Not all men are like that.

 

This man is a sociopath or maybe even a psychopath. He disgusts me. There is never an excuse to lay your hands on a woman. He should be in jail.

 

He wanted your virginity because it is all about power and control to him. He preys on the vulnerable. He makes me sick.

 

What you need to do is STOP gossiping about him. Bring your concerns to the police. He is an abuser and he is dangerous. Steer clear of him.

[HeartbrokenNewbie]

Firsly, I am so sorry for what you have been through. Not all men are like that.

 

This man is a sociopath or maybe even a psychopath. He disgusts me. There is never an excuse to lay your hands on a woman. He should be in jail.

 

He wanted your virginity because it is all about power and control to him. He preys on the vulnerable. He makes me sick.

 

What you need to do is STOP gossiping about him. Bring your concerns to the police. He is an abuser and he is dangerous. Steer clear of him.

 

You are correct he IS a sociopath... sociopath is the new name for psychopath... they are the same thing x

[HeartbrokenNewbie]

Sara M:

 

You are an incredibly strong person so have walked away from this, sociopaths have an incredible ability to suck people in and keep a hold over them... I like to think Im very strong and mine had me in his power for 9 years.. he wrecked my life. U should be very proud of yourself x

[Jiivy]

This is not a loving relationship. This is physical and mental abuse. Please Sara, I beg you - walk away and never turn back.

 

No self respecting man would behave this way. It makes me ashamed to be associated with his gender.

[Sara_M]

Firsly, I am so sorry for what you have been through. Not all men are like that.

 

This man is a sociopath or maybe even a psychopath. He disgusts me. There is never an excuse to lay your hands on a woman. He should be in jail.

 

He wanted your virginity because it is all about power and control to him. He preys on the vulnerable. He makes me sick.

 

What you need to do is STOP gossiping about him. Bring your concerns to the police. He is an abuser and he is dangerous. Steer clear of him.

 

 

Thank you for your response. He doesn't feel that what he is doing to these girls is wrong. He truly is a psychopath.

 

Example: To this day, he still wants me back and asks for me. I don't. He doesn't see what he's done. Or feel how he's hurt girls in general. It's all about him and his needs. He doesn't care if he has hurt you or if he hit you. When he needs someone back, that's all he wants. If you tell him you are angry, hurt or scared of him, he doesn't feel bad. I am 100% Sure he feels gratitude and is PROUD of that, instead of feeling bad for it.

 

I think a girl already reported him to the police for harassing her. I was glad when it happened.

 

What is wrong with this guy? He lives in complete denial and absolute fantasy. He doesn't want to face reality and for him, reality checks are very harsh.

 

He stalks my bf and my relationship so we decided to speak on a secret landline phone that i have at home. We barely talk on facebook anymore because all he does is read our conversations. So if me and my bf want to go on a date, he just calls me.

[Sara_M]

Sara M:

 

You are an incredibly strong person so have walked away from this, sociopaths have an incredible ability to suck people in and keep a hold over them... I like to think Im very strong and mine had me in his power for 9 years.. he wrecked my life. U should be very proud of yourself x

 

Thank you. I feel happy to hear this. I'm sorry to hear about what you have gone through. I'd love to hear your story if you ever have time.

 

I just feel sorry for that girl. Sometimes I see her and I want to talk to her. But I know it's none of my business. I just hope she finds someone who she thinks she'll be happy with. She's slowly starting to realize that my ex is not good for her. A girl like her shouldn't be with him. Only a girl just as evil as him. He preys on innocent girls, young girls or virgin girls - girls who are pure or vulnerable. It's a control thing, isn't it? I was a virgin at 20 years old and he was surprised by that. I was very innocent back then. I want her to be happy because she didn't live a good life. Why the hell should SHE, endure MORE ABUSE? She should NEVER! It makes me angry. I want justice.

 

Apparently now that she is about to leave, he is chasing her and he is IGNORING what he has done to her. What is this about him? Some kind of ego problem or just a psychopathic quality?

 

I have a really deep dark secret that no one knows about in my life. I did not tell my friends. I did not even tell him. I did not tell my BF either. I have been keeping it for ever 11 years. My lips were sealed. But it's a secret that my ex would've ignored and use it to control me.

 

 

Her story is very touching to me.

Edited April 28, 2014 by Sara_M