bllough10 Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 Hello All, Long story short... I dated one guy when I was 16 and had an instant connection with him. We dated for a little over a year and then he moved over a thousand miles away. We both moved on and started dating other people. We stopped talking completely except for just a few times a year. 4 years have passed since we have seen each other or really even talked and last weekend he flew me down to see him. I am now 22 and he is 25 and the second we saw each other it felt as if we never spent any time apart and all feelings came back to the both of us. We decided to stay in touch and see where things go. We will fly to see one another every once in a while. Don't want to over do it in the beginning. We both have separate lives going on miles apart that we need to focus on but hope that in a year or two, we will figure out where our next step together will be. Just looking for some support on here as this is my first time doing this thing and it's not easy missing someone so far away and not knowing when you will see them again. 2
TAV Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 Hey, welcome, I'm fairly new here myself too but it's great to talk to people who fully understand what a LDR is like since friends who never experienced it do not always understand. I guess for you and him the time difference makes communication difficult. And try to do something about the 'not knowing when you will see them again'. Try to make a plan of when you will meet again and work towards that goal. It gets very hard otherwise. Good luck!
justwhoiam Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 for you and him the time difference makes communication difficult How do you know about the time difference? Anyway, is this going to be an open relationship? In that case, it'll hardly work.
TAV Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 How do you know about the time difference? Anyway, is this going to be an open relationship? In that case, it'll hardly work. I assumed because of the distance, but you are right; it does not have to be this way. I guess the OP will tell us. That being said; where do you get the idea this is an open relationship? They dated other people prior to reconnecting. I don't see anywhere they are planning to date other people now.
Author bllough10 Posted April 28, 2014 Author Posted April 28, 2014 There is only an hour time difference so it doesn't really exist. Not having an open relationship. I've never seen the point in them. We just aren't making things extremely serious until we can just the personal aspects of our own lives under control. I guess this operates more on the sense of we both know how we feel and we both know that we want to spend our lives together. 1
justwhoiam Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 We decided to stay in touch and see where things go. We will fly to see one another every once in a while. We just aren't making things extremely serious That is an open relationship.
Author bllough10 Posted April 29, 2014 Author Posted April 29, 2014 As I mentioned, this is not an open relationship and I did not join this site for others to try and tell me what I am doing and what I am not doing. Not taking things extremely serious means that we are not talking about marriage and a family together at this point. We just got re-connected after several years had past and are trying not to make decisions strictly for years to come based upon feelings that have surfaced once again. 2
TAV Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 As I mentioned, this is not an open relationship and I did not join this site for others to try and tell me what I am doing and what I am not doing. Not taking things extremely serious means that we are not talking about marriage and a family together at this point. We just got re-connected after several years had past and are trying not to make decisions strictly for years to come based upon feelings that have surfaced once again. Most times you actually do get great advice here, so I hope you stick around. And join the 'how long till you see your SO' thread when you have a date!! 1
LittleTiger Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 Hi bllough, welcome to LS How romantic to reconnect with an old flame - it won't be easy but I do hope it works out for you. You will find lots of support on here if you decide to stick around. One of the first things you'll discover is that other people will question your relationship - even people on here! They will probably tell you you're being foolish or naïve, that you're wasting your time or being unrealistic. They will also tell you that 'it will never work' and 'you should do this....' or 'you should do that....' and, if you don't 'follow the rules', your relationship is doomed. I would say, if you know what you want, and the relationship is making you happy, stick to your guns and ignore the negativity! If at some point the relationship begins to make you unhappy - well that's a different thing altogether. Only you can decide if this relationship is worth the effort of an LDR and only you can decide how that LDR is going to work. I've been in a very successful LDR for a long time - 4 1/2 years. I'm in the UK and my kiwi fiancé is in Oz. We're currently 10,500 miles apart (it was 12,000 originally) and we don't follow all the accepted 'rules' of an LDR. We spend too many months apart and we're not going to be together full time for at least 10 years. It's not ideal, but we're happy and we make it work for us. The best advice I can give is to make sure you communicate well. That means communicating in a way that keeps both of you happy and secure in the relationship. If things go wrong, talk, talk and talk some more. I would also recommend spending as much time together IRL as you possibly can. That usually involves a huge commitment in both time and money so be prepared for your life to be turned upside down. Some people say that if you don't have an end goal and a specific timeframe then the relationship won't work. I think it's definitely easier if you have an end point to aim for but everybody is different. Personally, I can't imagine maintaining an LDR for any length of time if both people aren't 100% committed to the future (at some point) but if you find that you're happy keeping things on a less serious footing then I wish you the best of luck. Most people here won't understand what 'less serious' means (I have to admit I'm not sure myself) but as long as it works for you and your guy, that's really all that matters. 2
justwhoiam Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 As I mentioned, this is not an open relationship and I did not join this site for others to try and tell me what I am doing and what I am not doing Ok. As you said you were looking for some support, the best support I can give you is: don't leave things up in the air with him. Because that's sure to cause a lot of issues and crying. Maybe you're the happiest girl in the world with this deal with him. But I'm just warning you, so that you can have the best time with your prospect boyfriend. From your posts, I notice extreme caution talking about your relationship (I'm quite attentive to the words people use). I understand that you're being cautious, as this is so fresh and you need some time to see where it goes. Would this type of "easy-going dating" be exclusive? Or you take it for granted it's going to be exclusive? Or you don't mind whether it's exclusive or not? I think "not knowing" and "being (far) away" forms some pretty bad combo. In a LDR, you can't take the LD out for some time (be it for a short time or a long time). So you can only take the "not knowing" away (though there will be things you can't objectively know, such as your future). And my second suggestion is to start searching this forum for ideas on how to alleviate the pain when you miss him, and to read on other stories. Good luck.
Author bllough10 Posted April 30, 2014 Author Posted April 30, 2014 Once again, thank you all for your responses. I don't mind if people question my relationship. It's not their relationship and at the end of the day, they will never fully understand everything I'm saying because they are not living my relationship. People can tell me all day long that it won't work and long distance relationships never last but the way I see it, if my man and I can go years without seeing or talking to each other and then the second we are put in the same room, emotions go crazy, then it's worth a chance. The last thing I would want to do would be to dismiss this altogether because of distance. I'd rather not spend the next few years wondering "what if." If something happens and it doesn't work out then at least we would know. I'm not naive, I know that that is always a possibility, but we are willing to take that risk. 1
Million.to.1 Posted May 1, 2014 Posted May 1, 2014 Hi bllough10, Welcome! My favourite people in the world are the ones you can go years without seeing or talking to and then when you do, it's like no time has past. straight back into the old groove. Pure connection. Sounds to me like you've found a good one. My LDR is over now, and my BF has been here just over a year, and it's great. Distance can make things tough at times, but as Littletiger said, if you are both committed to a future together, and it makes you happy, go for it. I do think that having an end goal or at least some planned time together regularly makes it easier to go those weeks without a cuddle. It gives you both something to work towards and look forward to. Hope you find lot's of support here on LS during your journey. 3
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