DontBreakEven Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 I am about 3.5 months post break up. Life has been super busy with a work, a new puppy and a new car. Last month I had an unexpected run in with my ex that actually made me feel stronger. Today I had an unexpected run in with her best friend at the vet's office. I guess it was just hard for me, because I know the friend is going to mention she saw me. She's going to mention that I have a new puppy. She's also probably going to mention that I clearly give a crap about what others are thinking about me, because at the end of our run-in, I explained that I looked swollen because I just had my wisdom teeth taken out (I was embarrassed the right side of my face was all messed up, and I didn't want her not knowing why it looked that way). I don't know. The whole run-in just made me upset. Upset because it was awkward. Upset because I don't think her friend is a very kind person deep down. Upset because it was just a reminder that the life I was living is lost. I know it's probably best for me that it is lost, but I have yet to build a completely fulfilling new life, so it's hard to see that at the moment. I am happy with myself, but I hate to say it, I really just want love in my life again. It's not easy to find, and that's why I don't give up on it very easily. I am missing it terribly. And the sad part is, I know that it can be way better than it was with my ex. It's just so hard to find.
Jiivy Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 I am about 3.5 months post break up. Life has been super busy with a work, a new puppy and a new car. Last month I had an unexpected run in with my ex that actually made me feel stronger. Today I had an unexpected run in with her best friend at the vet's office. I guess it was just hard for me, because I know the friend is going to mention she saw me. She's going to mention that I have a new puppy. She's also probably going to mention that I clearly give a crap about what others are thinking about me, because at the end of our run-in, I explained that I looked swollen because I just had my wisdom teeth taken out (I was embarrassed the right side of my face was all messed up, and I didn't want her not knowing why it looked that way). I don't know. The whole run-in just made me upset. Upset because it was awkward. Upset because I don't think her friend is a very kind person deep down. Upset because it was just a reminder that the life I was living is lost. I know it's probably best for me that it is lost, but I have yet to build a completely fulfilling new life, so it's hard to see that at the moment. I am happy with myself, but I hate to say it, I really just want love in my life again. It's not easy to find, and that's why I don't give up on it very easily. I am missing it terribly. And the sad part is, I know that it can be way better than it was with my ex. It's just so hard to find. Conflict, conflict everywhere. If it's any comfort, I find some really positive things in here between the confusion. The fact is, you're doing the right things to move forward with your life - don't ever put yourself down for missing love. You know it can be great, you even feel that it's meant to be better than with your ex... Being upset by this means nothing more than the fact you're human, you feel and you hurt. You are alive! Stay with us, know that what you feel is something we are all going through on LS together. Love will come to you when you're ready to receive it. I truly believe it knows just when to strike, and will do so when it's right for you. 1
Author DontBreakEven Posted April 27, 2014 Author Posted April 27, 2014 Thanks Jilvy. Yes, there are numerous conflicting thoughts and emotions in me. Mostly stemming from having to keep telling myself that the life I was living, who I was with and content with, wasn't the right life for me. It's a hard concept to accept, because for so long I refused to accept that it WASN'T right for me. (You wanna talk about conflict --- I broke up with her 3 times over the course of 2 years and kept going back because I really thought it would change --- it only ended because I proposed and then SHE broke up with ME). I mean the whole thing is a mess. I really am trying to move on. I do believe that love will come when it's supposed to for me. I just, of course, feel like I need it NOW! I feel like I deserve it. I don't know. The situation just sucks and I'm working on myself and waiting to see the meaning in all of this bullsh*t. It's the waiting that can sometimes wear on you. I'm just trying to stay strong, but I certainly have my moments. Today, crying in a vet office (even though I have a perfectly healthy puppy), was one of them.
smileforelena Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 .... I just, of course, feel like I need it NOW! I feel like I deserve it. I don't know. The situation just sucks and I'm working on myself and waiting to see the meaning in all of this bullsh*t. It's the waiting that can sometimes wear on you.... I feel you Dontbreakeven...this stage feels like a test of patience aside from many other things...and sometimes i do get that feeling that dumpees should get a prize for being hurt but surviving... 1
Jiivy Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 I feel you Dontbreakeven...this stage feels like a test of patience aside from many other things...and sometimes i do get that feeling that dumpees should get a prize for being hurt but surviving... We do, but that prize is immaterial. We will have survived abandonment where others have crumbled, we will have emerged from one of the most harrowing personal experiences that people can suffer - especially where betrayal is involved. If you're able to look internally and find that you have learnt from the experience...about yourself, about your expectations for you partner - then that is the badge you seek. I'm still searching. My relationship wasn't always perfect, for a long time I had some doubts about my partner and it was only after working them out did I admit to her I felt that way...it was crushing, but I looked at all I had and developed a deeper love as a result. I don't regret our 7 years and I don't regret the bad times either, it grew us both together and I think your story probably grew you too. Take this quote: There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief. . . and unspeakable love. ~ Washington Irving
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