miffymars Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 So a week ago I was the dumper and ended things with him because I found out he lied to me about seeing a girl after he broke up with me the first time (also other things he has lied to me about). I found photos of them and when I confronted him he tells me its his cousin. I have a gut feeling it is not his cousin because he would A) Not take photos of his cousin like that (close ups of her face, shots of her body), and B) When asked for tangible proof he tells me he has no way of contacting her to prove she really is his cousin I was done waiting for around for the proof that he claims he can never give me. So I ended things. After a week he texts me saying: "Hope your Friday is ending up ok. Understand if you'd rather not talk to me. Just needed to get this off my chest. If you're willing to, please lets talk. If not I understand and apologize for bothering you. So I don't know what to do. Is this a breadcrumb? Would it be a good idea to talk to him since I was the dumper? Or does it not matter? Please help I don't want to do something I regret later
FredJones80 Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 You ended it for a reason. Does your reason still stand? Can he "resolve" this issue to your satisfaction? 1
Trovador Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 In the matters of the heart it pays well not to be naive... romance is all good but let's not forget that we have also a mind... let's never let heart or head take the upper hand, let's seek always a healthy balance... Of course she is not his cousin... Don't bother with him anymore or until 75 years have passed...
Author miffymars Posted April 26, 2014 Author Posted April 26, 2014 You ended it for a reason. Does your reason still stand? Can he "resolve" this issue to your satisfaction? I guess I was wondering if he was going to try and resolve it by asking to talk with me, but I'm not sure in the past he's always found ways to make me feel guilty when I'm trying to tell him something is bothering me. I mean is he trying to resolve this by reaching out??
Summerrose2013 Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 I think there is some confusion here around your role. When I dump a man because he's driven me to no other option I actual think it's their way of dumping me but very cunningly making ME the dumper if they have cheated or treated you like crap. 1
Author miffymars Posted April 26, 2014 Author Posted April 26, 2014 I think there is some confusion here around your role. When I dump a man because he's driven me to no other option I actual think it's their way of dumping me but very cunningly making ME the dumper if they have cheated or treated you like crap. So technically I'm the dumpee
travelbug1996 Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 I would hear him out and let it marinate. I wouldn't take any steps to reconcile since whatever he says is just WORDS.
Author miffymars Posted April 27, 2014 Author Posted April 27, 2014 I would hear him out and let it marinate. I wouldn't take any steps to reconcile since whatever he says is just WORDS. This is what I've been thinking about doing hearing him out. The only thing is I'm afraid that by doing so he might bring up things to make it seem like I am the bad guy. He knows how to always make me feel guilty and feel bad about myself every time I bring up my concerns. I mean if he really wanted to reconcile wouldn't he try harder then just asking to talk after a week of no contact?
Author miffymars Posted May 11, 2014 Author Posted May 11, 2014 (edited) Update: It's been 22 days of NC and I'm trying really hard to keep it that way. After his first attempt to talk to me he texted again 3 days ago saying "Hello, how are you?" I didn't answer but tonight I keep going over in my head if I should've heard him out? I don't know but I'm feeling really low again and I'm second guessing myself if I've done the right thing? Why do I still love/care so much about him and is it wrong to feel this way? If so am I doing the right thing? I feel like texting him but I don't know what I'd say because I'm not doing alright. Edited May 11, 2014 by miffymars
BigGirlPantiesOn Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 Sweetie, if he WANTED to, he'd get his cousin on video holding her birth certificate to prove she is his relative. HE HAS MADE NO SUCH EFFORT. Do you get that? Doesn't matter if he wants to talk, his words are worthless. really, who the hell can't get their cousin on the phone? 2
Elle1975 Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 So a week ago I was the dumper and ended things with him because I found out he lied to me about seeing a girl after he broke up with me the first time (also other things he has lied to me about). I found photos of them and when I confronted him he tells me its his cousin. I have a gut feeling it is not his cousin because he would A) Not take photos of his cousin like that (close ups of her face, shots of her body), and B) When asked for tangible proof he tells me he has no way of contacting her to prove she really is his cousin I was done waiting for around for the proof that he claims he can never give me. So I ended things. After a week he texts me saying: "Hope your Friday is ending up ok. Understand if you'd rather not talk to me. Just needed to get this off my chest. If you're willing to, please lets talk. If not I understand and apologize for bothering you. So I don't know what to do. Is this a breadcrumb? Would it be a good idea to talk to him since I was the dumper? Or does it not matter? Please help I don't want to do something I regret later See what he's doing with this text is playing the victim, and making you feel guilty. I LOVE the "I apologize for bothering you". I love it because my ex used to do the very same thing. Don't fall for it. Sure, he lied. He probably slept with that girl more than once. I love the excuse of not being able to contact his "cousin" anymore. In a world full of emails, phones, tablets, FB, Twitter, even good old mail.. he can't get in contact with her? ha.. 4
Author miffymars Posted May 11, 2014 Author Posted May 11, 2014 (edited) Thank you Biggirlpantieson and elle for helping me to see things clearly! If he really loved me he would do that to prevent me from leaving ... the truth hurts and a part of me was in big denial. Though I found this information out early in the second try of our relationship I swept it under the rug but its been gnawing at my thoughts every time I wanted to convince myself it would really work out this time but I guess deep down I knew things didn't change....and to think I stayed with him for 3 years I just really loved this guy and gave him multiple chances. My fault I suppose. Just got to pick up the pieces now.. Its Mothers Day and I felt very close to his grandmother and was going to do something for her today. I can't help but think if he somehow told her things to make her think I was the "bad guy" after all this. Ugh...knowing him he's good at making things up and passing it off as fact. I'm feel like I'm falling apart just can't believe this is really happening... Edited May 11, 2014 by miffymars
Elle1975 Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 Thank you Biggirlpantieson and elle for helping me to see things clearly! If he really loved me he would do that to prevent me from leaving ... the truth hurts and a part of me was in big denial. Though I found this information out early in the second try of our relationship I swept it under the rug but its been gnawing at my thoughts every time I wanted to convince myself it would really work out this time but I guess deep down I knew things didn't change....and to think I stayed with him for 3 years I just really loved this guy and gave him multiple chances. My fault I suppose. Just got to pick up the pieces now.. Its Mothers Day and I felt very close to his grandmother and was going to do something for her today. I can't help but think if he somehow told her things to make her think I was the "bad guy" after all this. Ugh...knowing him he's good at making things up and passing it off as fact. I'm feel like I'm falling apart just can't believe this is really happening... A man who loves you will move mountains for you. And if he cannot move them, he'll get a bunch of TNT and blow the dam things up. Ask any half decent guy here. He certainly won't lie or cheat, unless you let him. No worries about gran'ma.. she probably knows what he's been up to.
hoping2heal Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 So a week ago I was the dumper and ended things with him because I found out he lied to me about seeing a girl after he broke up with me the first time (also other things he has lied to me about). I found photos of them and when I confronted him he tells me its his cousin. I have a gut feeling it is not his cousin because he would A) Not take photos of his cousin like that (close ups of her face, shots of her body), and B) When asked for tangible proof he tells me he has no way of contacting her to prove she really is his cousin I was done waiting for around for the proof that he claims he can never give me. So I ended things. After a week he texts me saying: "Hope your Friday is ending up ok. Understand if you'd rather not talk to me. Just needed to get this off my chest. If you're willing to, please lets talk. If not I understand and apologize for bothering you. So I don't know what to do. Is this a breadcrumb? Would it be a good idea to talk to him since I was the dumper? Or does it not matter? Please help I don't want to do something I regret later I haven't read all of the thread, but it seems to me this guy is trying to manipulate you. First he pulls the wool over your eyes with the cousin incident, then he comes on all sweet and sympathetic. He's trying to zero in on your weakness.
hoping2heal Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 I would hear him out and let it marinate. I wouldn't take any steps to reconcile since whatever he says is just WORDS. This sounds like trouble. When you're not clearly being lied to then yes, by all means..hear a person out. When a guy has lied to her about another woman? No point in "hearing" anything out because it will be a bunch of baloney. He is STILL after all taking the position that "oh no, this really is my cousin. Yeah she lives in the applaichan mountains and they communicate via tin can so you can't call to verify" This guy makes me do one of these :rolleyes::rolleyes:
Author miffymars Posted May 30, 2014 Author Posted May 30, 2014 Update Hi guys appreciate the helpful responses it helps me a lot. I've been doing NC for a month and 2 weeks now... and it's been really hard but I kept strong. After the text messages he has now started to call. He has tried to call me 4 times now mostly Fridays leaving voicemail with things like. "Hi wanted to know how you are doing and call me back when you have time lets catch up" or how I should call him back when I have time so that we can talk about things. I've blocked his number and now today he has called with a private number and he left a voicemail saying how he got my magazine subscription and if I want it and how he has some things of mine if I want it back. I don't know what to do....I want some of my stuff back though. Would it be a good idea to just get it back and be done with it? This would mean that I'd actually have to contact him somehow even if I schedule a pick up without having to see him in person which is what I plan on doing. I don't have anyone that'd be willing to pick it up for me right now.
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