HeavenOrHell Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 I don't know how to help, as he's a closed person, and now he's not feeling great and hasn't been for a while, I feel powerless to help, I don't even know how bad it is, or if it's mild, he's not been sleeping properly for weeks, he feels he has no life, no future, that he's amounted to nothing, that he's wasting his life, he doesn't know where to go from here. And cos he keeps it all bottled up and talks to no-one about it I don't know how to help. He needs to change his life, or aspects of it, his stressful job is not helping. But if he won't talk to me about it, what can I do? He knows I am here for him, I've made that clear many times. I wish we could talk things through, even if he feels we should break up..I've no idea if how he feels is partly to do with us. He's apologised for seeming distant/aloof at times, said it's him and not me. He'd be the last person to see a therapist or open up to one, it's not gonna happen and he's anti drug, so no way would he go down that route, if he even feels THAT bad, I've no idea, he doesn't need drugs anyway, he needs to change his life. I'm worried our situation isn't helping, although he's always coped with well with the distance being a loner (although he's not happy as such being a loner, just finds it easier in some ways, it's always been me who struggles with the distance), I've said to him I don't want to hold him back, that I don't want him to be lonely, that if we part then I'll be ok as I have my friends and animal sanctuary, he doesn't have friends, he works full time though but doesn't have friends there as such, he calls them colleagues. He knows I'll back away if need be because I love him and want him to be happy, even if that means losing him. Not that I get the impression he wants to start again and try meet someone local, I don't feel that at all. And for me I don't feel that either, I don't have a longing to meet someone else locally. Hard being apart from him when he's feeling like this, just want to hold him.
TAV Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 I'm sorry HOH. The fact that he is not sleeping will deteriorate his situation and is a sign that he is stuck. I hope he is not suicidal? 'He'd be the last person to see a therapist or open up to one, it's not gonna happen and he's anti drug, so no way would he go down that route, if he even feels THAT bad' I think nobody is the kind of person who wants to see a therapist. When I had a breakdown some 10 yrs ago I thought seeking help would mean admitting that I was crazy. It's a big step, for anyone. But when you are stuck like him and it is affecting all aspects in your life you don't have many other choices. I hope he understands that seeking therapy does not mean they are going to carry you off in a straitjacket and that you do have a choice in the matter; whether the type of therapy or the therapist is for you ánd if you want to take drugs or not. I've told you before my bf suffered a depression. He has found drugs very helpful, also to sleep which helped him to think more clearer and less negative. It's so very hard to function on little sleep. I personally refused to use medication and found a good therapist and keeping a strict schedule in which I made time for myself was the way out of my depression. He may have been a loner all his life but it is obviously no longer working for him. I think your man has to face his situation. Nothing else to do. I also think he has a responsibility towards you to work on himself. It is not something you can do for him. 1
LittleTiger Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 So sorry to hear this HOH. I know it can be torture being far away when someone we love is suffering. Sadly though, there really isn't anything you can do. I know that's not what you want to hear but there are only three avenues open to him: 1. Talk to someone - partner, friend, volunteer or professional therapist 2. Take medication - which requires talking to a doctor first 3. Deal with it alone From what you say, he is choosing option 3. If that's what he wants to do, then you have no choice but to respect his wishes. If you think he may be a danger to himself then perhaps you could contact a close friend or family member of his but that's a tricky call as you're not there to make a clear judgement. If he isn't suicidal, he may accuse you of interfering. As tough as it sounds, you have to remember that you can't fix somebody else. All you can do is take care of yourself and ensure that his depression doesn't affect your own emotional state. 3
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