Words or actions??

[milanlover]

So my questions for the ladies is would you prefer your guys to show his feelings/care through actions or words if you can choose just one?

 

I've been dating this guy for 7 weeks, often met/ stayed over at weekends due to our schedule. You can say we had 5 dates already and we keep contact everyday. He always made plans for the next date before our date even finished, he would always be on time or told me about it if he was late. He is very responsible, honest and always keeps his words. Now we are not official yet but he seems serious about this and looks like he's thinking ahead. He is very careful about what he says to me thou and not really a sweet/flirty guy at all. So like his words are very straightforward and very plain. However, he does have actions. When he got busy and couldn't contact me as frequent (like normally we would text the whole evening when he is off work but when he was busy with his work, he only texted me one or twice a day to check in), and I told him I was worried about us, he would write me fricking essays to assure me and said that we would be okay after this busy period. BUT he would never use strong words like he liked me or showed his feelings via words! He never says he misses me but then he would always make plans in advance to see me.

 

Well now you know all girls want to hear things from their guys... and as we are not official, sometimes I just don't know what's going on... Do you think I should be worried or feel lucky I got a guy like this instead? hmmm

Edited April 26, 2014 by milanlover

[Gaeta]

I need a combination of both.

 

I have learn it's not because a man acts like he's a boyfriend that he considers himself my boyfriend. How many women come on here thinking a man has feelings for them because they 'cuddle' after sex and gaze in their eyes. All this time it means nothing it's just the guy's style.

 

I remember a long time ago dating this man for a while and he introduced me to his 9 yo son. I went home thinking OMG we are going somewhere, he must be serious about me!! turns out I was just a fvk buddy for him. He introduced his son to every woman he came across. In my world introducing a child is something extremely serious and I 'assumed' it was the same in his world. It was not.

 

So, in your world someone writing long letters may be someone emotionally invested, maybe not in his world.

[angel.eyes]

I want them to match.

 

That being said, he seems like a great guy. I think he's being careful not to lead you on or promise anything until he's there. That's a good thing IMO. He's responsible...as he is in other parts of his life probably. You know that when he finally says something it will be sincere.

 

It's still relatively early. Relax a little and let things unfold.

[d0nnivain]

I prefer to hear the words because I'm a verbal person. However I keep ending up with action guys, including my husband.

 

I have found over the years that I can "train" them to verbalize. I put that word in quotes because I don't want anybody to think I treat my husband like a dog. But I have said in no uncertain terms, I love you & I know you love me. You show it by your actions & my head knows that. I'm not trying to be unreasonable but I need the words too so could you please say "I love you" when we end phone conversations & could you please get me cards on my birthday, or anniversary & Valentine's Day. Because the requests are specific & detailed, I usually get what I have asked for. When they initially say the words & comply with my requests which are outside of their comfort zones, I praise the desired behavior because positive reinforcement is a good thing.

 

You can't ask for this stuff too early . . . I always waited until at least after we were together exclusively for over a year.

 

In contrast it's harder to train a verbal guy to action.

[milanlover]

I need a combination of both.

 

I have learn it's not because a man acts like he's a boyfriend that he considers himself my boyfriend. How many women come on here thinking a man has feelings for them because they 'cuddle' after sex and gaze in their eyes. All this time it means nothing it's just the guy's style.

 

I remember a long time ago dating this man for a while and he introduced me to his 9 yo son. I went home thinking OMG we are going somewhere, he must be serious about me!! turns out I was just a fvk buddy for him. He introduced his son to every woman he came across. In my world introducing a child is something extremely serious and I 'assumed' it was the same in his world. It was not.

 

So, in your world someone writing long letters may be someone emotionally invested, maybe not in his world.

 

Thank you for these wise words! I know, he's not my boyfriend until he's my boyfriend! And we are very different types of people so it's really hard to tell his level of interest! This guy showed me to his family too, and told his mom about me but then it might be something he has always done. I guess only time can tell!

[milanlover]

I want them to match.

 

That being said, he seems like a great guy. I think he's being careful not to lead you on or promise anything until he's there. That's a good thing IMO. He's responsible...as he is in other parts of his life probably. You know that when he finally says something it will be sincere.

 

It's still relatively early. Relax a little and let things unfold.

 

Yea.. rationally I think he's great too. He made it clear he is only seeing me and he expects the same from me. He acts like boyfriends, mentions future plans, asked me to his annual work party, etc. But we are not official! He said he did not want to rush things, but he feels right about us and because he is very preoccupied with work exams atm.

 

After third dates I asked him how he felt about me, was just wondering if I made him feel good but he thought I asked about being his girlfriend, so he said he was still waiting to get to know me more before he could tell me and he did not want to lead me on.

 

So yea, i think if he finally says something one day, it would feel really good to hear! Thanks for your reply!

 

I prefer to hear the words because I'm a verbal person. However I keep ending up with action guys, including my husband.

 

I have found over the years that I can "train" them to verbalize. I put that word in quotes because I don't want anybody to think I treat my husband like a dog. But I have said in no uncertain terms, I love you & I know you love me. You show it by your actions & my head knows that. I'm not trying to be unreasonable but I need the words too so could you please say "I love you" when we end phone conversations & could you please get me cards on my birthday, or anniversary & Valentine's Day. Because the requests are specific & detailed, I usually get what I have asked for. When they initially say the words & comply with my requests which are outside of their comfort zones, I praise the desired behavior because positive reinforcement is a good thing.

 

You can't ask for this stuff too early . . . I always waited until at least after we were together exclusively for over a year.

 

In contrast it's harder to train a verbal guy to action.

 

Yes, I know about the training thing! I guess the best way is always being straightforward and let the other person know what you expect from them/ what makes you happy. And if they really care about you, they will try to deliver it. And sure it works both way! Thank you for your advice!