dudeguy56 Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 I'm 16 and my first major crush is ****ing my life up. Not intentionally of course. In October I started liking this girl, we had spanish class together twice a week. She's amazing in so many ways. I texted her every now and then but we never hung out. Fast forward to January, we sit by a table, her, I and another guy from my parallell class. After he said he hadn't seen Sherlock she and I forced him to watch it. She then came up with the idea of watching it together. That's when we started to hang out. During christmas I had planned to stop messaging her and avoid her so that I wouldn't get hurt if she didn't feel the same. If I only knew what a great idea that was. Well, I just couldn't resist. Getting the opportunity to be with her outside of school. So we had a few Sherlock marathons get-togethers. Twice during this time she and I watched stuff alone. "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" and "West Wing". I'm however an introvert and I get nervous around her. I can't flirt and I'm too shy to ask her out so I just stayed quiet. I don't know if I ever had a chance but if I did, I wouldn't have known. I started getting paranoid and jealous over everything, mostly the mutual friend we watched Sherlock with. He's the opposite of me, talkative, extrovert, likeable. He did nothing wrong (and don't get me wrong, we're good friends) but I hated him. He had it so easy for himself. It got to the point where I needed to tell someone so I told him. He told me he didn't like her that way and encouraged me to do whatever I thought was right. But at this point I didn't think she liked me and I doubted if it would help in any way to tell her. The last time we watched Sherlock together and finished the last episode we slept over at her place. During this time she for one said that her family really liked the mutual friend (Who doesn't, he's soooo ****ing "likeable".) and they also decided to start ballet together, in front of me. I felt excluded, not that I wanted to start ballet anyway... I felt **** after this, it was when I really realized that I probably didn't have a chance at all. So I felt **** and my family and friends noticed a bit but no one asked why except one friend who actually is together with the girl I likes friend. Anyway, he told me I should tell her and get it out so I'm pretty determined to do that. I just don't want to lose her as a friend but it's been ****ing my life up. I had planned to tell her when we were gonna watch American Beauty together in one or two weeks. I asked her yesterday if she wanted to see it soon. She said sure, then she added she had been talking to the mutual friend and they had said it would be fun to be doing something all three of us again because we were done with the Sherlock marathon. Then she suggested we might watch American Beauty together. I said (because he had told me this) that he recently saw the movie so we could do something else all three of us. She said we could watch American Beauty her and I but do something else all three. The thing is, I'm not going to tell her what I feel until I know we have nothing planned in the future when I'm telling her. It'd be unfair to force her into a situation where she had to meet me not long after I told her that. I'm just in a really bad mood. I want to get it said to her but it needs to be the right moment. I never get to that moment though. It might just be a teen crush but it's been **** for five months and my focus is all over the ****ing place. I feel pathetic very often and I get a really bad self image. She's super nice and I REALLY wish she would want to stay friends after I tell her but it's not guaranteed and I hate that.
Valen Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 Do not tell her you like her. That's bad advice for your situation. I don't even think she is interested in you in that way. Because you haven't even bonded wit her yet. You are way too shy and quiet. How do you expect a girl to like you if you can't really talk to her? How many times have you make her laugh? You have to learn how to talk to girls first. This is a good opportunity to practice with her as friends. Next,you need to work on yourself before you can even think about a girlfriend. You need to build up your self-esteem first. Your attitude honestly stinks and girls don't like guys with low self-esteem. And being jealous of your friend makes you look awful. You have to give your friend your blessing if he ends up wanting to date her someday. She's not yours to claim. So work on being a better person. Learn to express your inner self, stop hiding in silence. Learn to relax and have fun. Don't care how people judge you. Learn to control your emotions and not let it dictate your mood like a child. Set many life goals and go after them. Do well in everything you try. Even if you fail be proud you did your best. This way you will learn to believe in yourself and your self-esteem can grow. Once you are confident with yourself and not shy around girls and be able to make her laugh and have fun, then you'll be in a better position for her to like you. 1
ThaWholigan Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 Solution: talk to other girls. I experienced a huge crush at the same age as you. It lasted on and off for quite a few years until early 20s. Any time I was completely enamored by her was usually because she was the only girl around that held my romantic interest. When I started trying to talk to other girls or simply having more female company, my interest was more measured and therefore not so overwhelming. Be careful about emotional investments and limerance with female friends. At least have interests that prevent a crush from consuming you. I second Valen's post in this regard.
Author dudeguy56 Posted April 26, 2014 Author Posted April 26, 2014 Do not tell her you like her. That's bad advice for your situation. I don't even think she is interested in you in that way. Because you haven't even bonded wit her yet. You are way too shy and quiet. How do you expect a girl to like you if you can't really talk to her? How many times have you make her laugh? You have to learn how to talk to girls first. This is a good opportunity to practice with her as friends. Next,you need to work on yourself before you can even think about a girlfriend. You need to build up your self-esteem first. Your attitude honestly stinks and girls don't like guys with low self-esteem. And being jealous of your friend makes you look awful. You have to give your friend your blessing if he ends up wanting to date her someday. She's not yours to claim. So work on being a better person. Learn to express your inner self, stop hiding in silence. Learn to relax and have fun. Don't care how people judge you. Learn to control your emotions and not let it dictate your mood like a child. Set many life goals and go after them. Do well in everything you try. Even if you fail be proud you did your best. This way you will learn to believe in yourself and your self-esteem can grow. Once you are confident with yourself and not shy around girls and be able to make her laugh and have fun, then you'll be in a better position for her to like you. I'm not telling her because I think I have a chance. That ship has sailed, I doubt it even was in dock. I'm certainly not trying to stand in the way of my friend and her IF he actually does like her. I just need to tell her because I feel that I need to and that wont change. It might be a big mistake but then I'm stupid enough to go through with it anyway. I just... need to get it said because I've felt **** for way too long now and it's really having a bad impact on people around me. It's my responsibility to change that but I honestly can't do it without telling her.
Author dudeguy56 Posted April 26, 2014 Author Posted April 26, 2014 Solution: talk to other girls. I experienced a huge crush at the same age as you. It lasted on and off for quite a few years until early 20s. Any time I was completely enamored by her was usually because she was the only girl around that held my romantic interest. When I started trying to talk to other girls or simply having more female company, my interest was more measured and therefore not so overwhelming. Be careful about emotional investments and limerance with female friends. At least have interests that prevent a crush from consuming you. I second Valen's post in this regard. I have no problem being around other girls and talking to them. I'm calm, I don't think about what I say and all is fine. It's ONLY different when I talk to her.
Recommended Posts