Groovy Posted February 5, 2005 Posted February 5, 2005 I guess I feel I am doing the right thing but just want some validation because I think the next week and perhaps beyond will be a little confusing for me. I have made some posts that my ex boyfriend has been calling me for a few weeks. I guess I finally got sick of it because I finally asked him why he was speaking to me at all. Was he horny, did he like to talk to me. He said both. I told him he "wanted his cake and to eat it too" with a no strings attached sex with me, but really he should be looking at the bar down the street because he knows I'm not like that. He said he'd like to sleep with me but he knows that he won't be and his desires and expectations are different things. He said he understood me being angry with him. (He broke up with me 2 months ago on my machine when everything was going great). I told him he made me feel used, he was inmature in how it was handled and lied. He agreed with the first two and refuted the last one. I asked how do you explain telling me you don't want us to see other people and you really like me but then shortly after that you just want to be friends and are not looking for a relationship. I was a little surprised because he admitted he got scared. (His friend told me, but it was a guess versus anything else). He asked what he can do so I don't hate him. I wondered why I said it, but that he could buy me flowers and be a friend, as well as act sincere so I could believe what he was telling me. That right now I am not sure I can but I guess time will tell. And that it's up to him to tell me what's happening because no one else is going to. I don't want to sleep with him for now and think that's fair. I know after we have been together it will be hard for him but he needs to earn my trust all over again. One friend said go back to the way it was and one friend said wait a year. I'm in the middle, give it a few months.....if we are together then. I also don't think I should make a commitment to seeing just him because I don't know that he is to be taken seriously. I don't think he'll be happy about me seeing other people. I was thinking just don't mention it unless he asks, is that fair? Then maybe evaluate how I feel in a month or so. I know 2 people have cheated on him and I think that's why he has issues. But what if he is just acting selfishly? I will really resent stopping some contacts that I have right now. I have tried to get out more the past 2 months to get over him and don't want to have the same guy take again. Yet I don't want to lose someone that got my heart in a way that hasn't been easy to find, (that is when things were well). Right now I haven't really told more than 2 or 3 people about it because what's the point until I know what's going on. And I don't really want him telling people.
clynn Posted February 5, 2005 Posted February 5, 2005 I'd say to keep it simple. Coffee, lunches, Daytime activities. Friends. Without the commitment and low key. This way you're still free to hang out with others and aren't getting too too involved. people get cold feet adn go back and forth. It might not be smart. It might not be nice. IT is also very human. And you do dig him, so just take more control of the situation, in order to protect yourself. Either way, its a risk, It is always a risk!
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