Msbeautyandbrains Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 Let me be honest with myself and acknowledge that dispute the fact that my ex and I have been broken up for almost 2 years now, we've been living with each other and I've completely clung tightly to the idea of the ring,marriage, life and happiness my ex promised me this entire time. So when my ex came to me a few days after my birthday and dropped the "I don't want to be with you anymore" on me and subsequently stopped coming home. I've thrown myself and myself into a complete mess. I love my ex with all my heart and heaven knows I would give anything to really make her open her eyes and see me and follow through on the things she's promised me. But let's me real is been 8 years we have a 1 1/2 year old together.... Still no ring still no commitment and now she well I'm almost certain she's seeing another woman because she comes home (when she does come home smelling of her) So what have I been doing you ask? Oh you name it, when she started coming back home I started kicking her out because I knew she would leave anyways. In a sad attempt to retain some degree of control I'd ask her to leave before she'd tell me she was leaving. Things have ALWAYS been bumpy between us but our love has always been strong. Since 1 month in she was trying to break up with me and if is been smart I would've let her go. To her relationships are too hard to complex to complicated. She's always talked to other woman and I'm pretty sure she's cheated on me every year we've been together. And at some point or another asked another woman to marry her via text and called her by the last name that was to be mine. I sit here conflicted because I KNOW full well the person I'm dealing with. I can remove myself from the situation and look from the outside in. I know it's over it's been over for a long time. I just wanted to believe we could fix it. I invested all of me into fixing it while she invested only part time. Truth be told I don't believe she was EVER going to marry me. Again I sit conflicted because she kisses me on the cheek or forehead goodbye when she leaves, she tells me he loves me and needs me and begs me not to move out. I sit conflicted because I've allowed myself to be used and because I can't not rid myself of this god awful ATTACHMENT. do I love her? Yes am I in love with her? No... With each passing day I'm in love with her less and less. But still I put her needs before my own. So I ask myself why I'm so ****ing attached if I'm not in love... Maybe I fooling myself into believing I'm not in love to cope. I want to move on, I want to be happy, she's moving on, she's working to be happy. She still wants to be my friend but I don't want to be hers. I don't believe we will work through this, I don't have unrealistic hopes of our relationships survival. I don't know how to get through this as I'm a stay at home mother to our daughter so everyday, despite the limited distraction my daughter provides I'm stuck here alone with my thoughts and my attachment. As we speak she is spending the night with the other woman. It could be innocent it could be more. I want to believe there is hope for us but I know there isn't. How do I cope? How do I get through this dark period where I am the only one that appears to be moved by what's happening. I must be rambling, sleep doesn't come easy and I haven't been eating much, I can't go on like this. Someone please help me pull my head out of my ass and let her go.
FredJones80 Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 I feel your pain Msbeautyandbrains. I'm not in the same situation, but similar. You're not alone!
Author Msbeautyandbrains Posted April 26, 2014 Author Posted April 26, 2014 Please excuse I really should proof read!
Recommended Posts