sunny12 Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 I've been a quiet reader for a while now, whenever I was worried. It helped me to read about all your great advice and about the "success stories" of your long distance relationships I have to admit, I'm not a native speaker of English, so I'm sorry if there are any mistakes. about my LDR: we've been very good friends for like a year. he did a year abroad in the town where I study. things were very complicated in the beginning because I was still in a relationship but eventually I broke up and we had the best time ever. when he had to leave, it was really hard for both of us. we both cried a lot. we are very very far apart (europe - australia) so I was super worried about the future. in the beginning, it went okay. I was very sad but he kept telling me how much he missed me, which really meant a lot to me and made it bearable. he's been gone for about 8 weeks now, and 2 weeks after he left, I booked a flight to australia. I'll see him in 9 weeks. now, and this is why I'm here. he changed. a lot! I have to admit, I'm quite needy and jealous due to the way I grew up. I was quite a pain in the beginning and we had some discussions about it but I worked hard on myself. but lately, he has hardly replied to my messages or initiated a conversation. I don't know if I'm just overthinking it all. we have contact daily (texts) and we talk on the phone or on Skype like once a week still. but I feel like he doesn't show me any love anymore and it just makes me feel so insecure about it all. I'm torn between thinking that I shouldn't worry about it because it's just problems we have because of the distance. but then I have this stupid gut feeling that something is wrong. I asked him but he said everything is fine. he knows how sensitive I am though and I'm in the middle of my final exams, so I'm worried he might just not tell me so I don't get depressed and fail my exams. I'd be really interested if there are people out here "from the other side". the ones who don't need that much contact and still love their partners and miss them. maybe you can also give me some tips about how you distract yourself when you start worrying? I don't really know what I'm hoping for while writing this, but I just thought I might find some people to talk to thanks for reading this!
justwhoiam Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 I'd be really interested if there are people out here "from the other side". the ones who don't need that much contact Sorry, I don't fall into that category, but I thought I could write anyway. I wouldn't underestimate my gut feelings. I asked myself: how many OPs in here were complaining about communication fading and nothing was behind it? I couldn't remember one story where that was the case. That said, usually people can't keep up with the same amount of texts over time. Texts are tricky. I'm aware you have such different time zones, that it's hard to have real-time conversations. But at the same time, I can say that I have clients in Australia, and I had online meetings with them. And just like you I'm in Europe. So it's not impossible. With a LDR, you lack physical interaction. You don't have non-verbal communication. If then, even verbal communication is missing... you can hardly keep up a relationship. But let's wait for successful stories with Skyping once a week.
Author sunny12 Posted April 26, 2014 Author Posted April 26, 2014 thanks for your reply the problem is that I know he has trouble organising his life in general. he's quite bright (I'm wondering if he's autistic) and when he was still here, I helped him a lot with organisational stuff. besides, I'm living on my own at the moment and all I do is study for my final exams, whereas he just came home after 1.5 years and is back with all his friends. he's living with 5 people at the moment, too, so I understand they're doing lots of stuff etc. but I also told him, I'd really need him to make me a priority at some point. nothing has really changed, I think it has only gotten worse since I stopped "complaining". whenever we talk though, it's really great. he's not weird about it or anything and when his flatmates come in, he tells them he's talking to his girlfriend and stuff. last time we skyped, he also said whenever he sees me, he realises how much he misses me and that he just deals with the situation differently by "ignoring" the negative feelings and just living life normally until I arrive. maybe that's also the reason why doesn't like skyping. on thursday he called me and we talked for another but it was just a phone call and no Skype. I think my biggest problem is just that my relationship before was more than 8 years and like the super safe option and now I'm in this situation. I think that's why I need so much confirmation and whenever he doesn't talk to me, I'm worried something might be wrong. (I mean, it's less than 24h that I haven't heard from him now, it's really not THAT bad!)
d0nnivain Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 LDRs require a great deal of trust. If you are the clingy insecure type, you may not be capable of having an LDR. If every minute you don't hear from your SO, you assume the worst then attack when you do connect, you will kill the relationship. You need to cherish the contact you do have & not freak out. If you can't do that, save both of you from the heartache & end it.
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