What should I tell my therapist the next time I see him regarding dating?

[Midwest guy]

When I see my Phychologist next time what should I tell him about my feelings regarding Lindsay and getting a date? When I saw my Phychatrist a couple weeks ago he said I should become friends with females so that way I can see how they behave and how to better get to know them. He is a little concerned that Im 21 and never had a gf. I told him I asked a gal at work out and she agreed but I told him shes at school now and we didnt have a chance to go out. He said maybe shes too busy or that she wasnt interested at this time. He said its ok to feel disappointed and said when a gals not interested. My mom told him that shes a little worried too I cant handle rejection. Where she works there are young gals she said and one of them asked her how to handle a guy at school whos pushy with her and always wants a date, but shes not so sure cause she likes the guy but doesnt want to be bf gf. Would my therapist be better at helping me with this since thats what their job is? Afterall its 100 bucks a pop so should I use it to my advantage? I mean Im embarassed cause I dont want to talk about my dating life in front of my mom you know.

[Midwest guy]

Is it ok to ask your mom for dating advice?

[Hund1976]

You should ask lots of people for advice. Even if you don't take their advice it wouldn't hurt to hear it. I would definately talk to your therapist about it though, from reading all your posts I think you do have trouble with rejection and need to figure out how to deal with it. No matter who you are you're still going to get turn downed by girls on occasion, and it sucks but that's the way life is. That's why you need to keep meeting lots of girls and eventually one of them will like you back.

[Midwest guy]

Originally posted by Hund1976

You should ask lots of people for advice. Even if you don't take their advice it wouldn't hurt to hear it. I would definately talk to your therapist about it though, from reading all your posts I think you do have trouble with rejection and need to figure out how to deal with it. No matter who you are you're still going to get turn downed by girls on occasion, and it sucks but that's the way life is. That's why you need to keep meeting lots of girls and eventually one of them will like you back.

 

But my standards are high. I like very attractive girls example Lindsay of course. One of her friends at work when she was working said "Why wont you date Tom, He's a nice guy" she told her shes not really in the dating world right now. So why would she tell one of her girlfriends that but wouldnt really tell me face to face the reason why? What could be the reason she doesnt date much for? I mean she still gives some hints like when we talked over the phone. I mean the doors still open if she wants to go out.

[JoL]

I think a good idea would be to print some of the questions you have posted here on loveshack and the responses you have gotten. It might give your therapist a clear picture of the problems you are having.

[Midwest guy]

Originally posted by JoL

I think a good idea would be to print some of the questions you have posted here on loveshack and the responses you have gotten. It might give your therapist a clear picture of the problems you are having.

 

I dont want my mom t o know though. I mean she gives me mixed signals so I dont want to say something stupid and blow it. I really think if I asked her out over the summer I would have had a slight better chance cause she had alot more time to hang out but I was too nervous. Hopefully this summer she will have more time and if she uses excuses then I know shes trying to blow me off cause being in town for over three straight months its common sense she has at least some spare time.

[Groovy]

I'd write down what your looking for and talk about it with the therapist to see if it is realistic. And are you asking people out who are like you? If you look around people usually are dating someone similar to their religious upbringing, their education, their income bracket, their lifestyle, etc. Not that anyone is a perfect match there, but go for people who match some of these things and aren't a far cry from each other. And while looks matter but aren't everything, you like pretty girls. All guys do but unless you are perfect you cannot expect to date only people who look like models. I'm not saying you do, just mentioning it as a roadblock possibly.

 

As far as asking your mother for advice...I am a little guilty too of that. But she's a pretty hip 66 years old who knows a lot about what goes on. However, sometimes no one is ever good enough for their kid or they look at you in a different light than what you are, because they are a parent. Who your mom wants you to be with is probably not someone you would choose.

 

Compared to the indecision, the lack of dating, etc is rejection really so bad? I'd say it's time to get out there!

[Midwest guy]

Originally posted by Groovy

I'd write down what your looking for and talk about it with the therapist to see if it is realistic. And are you asking people out who are like you? If you look around people usually are dating someone similar to their religious upbringing, their education, their income bracket, their lifestyle, etc. Not that anyone is a perfect match there, but go for people who match some of these things and aren't a far cry from each other. And while looks matter but aren't everything, you like pretty girls. All guys do but unless you are perfect you cannot expect to date only people who look like models. I'm not saying you do, just mentioning it as a roadblock possibly.

 

As far as asking your mother for advice...I am a little guilty too of that. But she's a pretty hip 66 years old who knows a lot about what goes on. However, sometimes no one is ever good enough for their kid or they look at you in a different light than what you are, because they are a parent. Who your mom wants you to be with is probably not someone you would choose.

 

Compared to the indecision, the lack of dating, etc is rejection really so bad? I'd say it's time to get out there!

 

Well shes about my age, same religon, She has a great personality which I like and is polite. Also shes a little shy like me too. So I mean there are things that are similar.

[Hund1976]

Well while you might have a lot of stuff in common, she isn't interested in you at this point. I've had the same thing happen to me, I meet a girl ask her out, at first she says yes then we end up never going out. I think some girls have a real problem with turning someone down so they just say yes and then try to get out of it later. You need to try some different girls, you might think this girl is your perfect match, but if she's not into you then there is nothing you can do about it. Try to meet new girls this spring, if you don't meet anybody then you can try again with the girl you're obsessed with when she comes home for summer, but don't hold your breath.

[Midwest guy]

Originally posted by Hund1976

Well while you might have a lot of stuff in common, she isn't interested in you at this point. I've had the same thing happen to me, I meet a girl ask her out, at first she says yes then we end up never going out. I think some girls have a real problem with turning someone down so they just say yes and then try to get out of it later. You need to try some different girls, you might think this girl is your perfect match, but if she's not into you then there is nothing you can do about it. Try to meet new girls this spring, if you don't meet anybody then you can try again with the girl you're obsessed with when she comes home for summer, but don't hold your breath.

 

SO is it ok to call jsut like once a month and see how shes doing at school? That way she knows Im still interested while yet not putting alot of pressure on her. Also in the summer if she works which I dont know yet Ill ask one of her college friends who goes to a diff college but used to play on the same team as her out. That way if she goes out with me then I can kinda get back at Lindsay. I mean I could do it right infront of her.

[marly]

youd be very embaressed if you asked out her friend and she said no. plus Lindsay would think your desperate!! Why dont you go up to her school and take her out on a weekend?

[Midwest guy]

Originally posted by marly

youd be very embaressed if you asked out her friend and she said no. plus Lindsay would think your desperate!! Why dont you go up to her school and take her out on a weekend?

 

What I ment is when she comes down for a weekend.

[Hund1976]

When are you going to give up on this girl? Didn't she make it pretty clear to you on the phone that she wasn't interested in you?

[Midwest guy]

Originally posted by Hund1976

When are you going to give up on this girl? Didn't she make it pretty clear to you on the phone that she wasn't interested in you?

 

Shes polite, and one of the pretiest girls Ive ever seen. Plus shes single.

[Hund1976]

Why don't you drive up to her school, bring a sleeping bag and camp out on her doorstep and tell her you're not leaving until she goes out with you. You'll either get your date or wind up in jail, either way it would make for an interesting day.

[Midwest guy]

Originally posted by Hund1976

Why don't you drive up to her school, bring a sleeping bag and camp out on her doorstep and tell her you're not leaving until she goes out with you. You'll either get your date or wind up in jail, either way it would make for an interesting day.

 

I'll just wait til shes in town and ask her for a second chance. I might write her a letter telling her my feelings like I was going to do before.

[Hund1976]

Be sure to tell her you love her and want to spend your life with her and that she is the greatest girl you have ever met. That will probably work.

[d'Arthez]

You are totally infatuated with Lindsay. However she is not in love with you, Midwest.

 

She might be single, and she might be pretty. However that does not mean she automatically is attracted to you or to anyone who is single. She probably feels now is not the right time in her life to date.

For all I know she might only date heavy-weight boxers with an IQ above 140. Just because you are attracted to someone, does not mean that person is automatically attracted to you.

 

Your standards might be high, but if you want to date the likes of a Hollywood star, you'd better not be a homeless man with poor hygiene and no cash.

Having high standards and living by high standards also requires you have a lot going for you. Not just same interests, background et cetera, but also huge plusses. Enormous creative abilities, earning power et cetera. Given the fact that you are still quite young the huge plusses are probably lacking. You haven't established yourself in the world. That's most often the case, with young men and women.

 

You take this rejection way too personal. You have lost grasp of reality, and it is good to see you are in therapy.

 

Maybe you have unrealistic expectations of everyday communication, especially between men and women. Try to look at her actions, and only at the facts. Do not rationalize her behavior. It is easy to find excuses for her behavior, and maintain she is still interested. Right now you must make so many excuses to maintain that she is interested, that the more realistic option, that she is not interested should be the option you have to pick.

 

I would advice you to not give her that letter, and to give up completely on her. Use the posts you have made here for in therapy, as your therapist will be able to see what is going on in your mind.

If you can, try to see your therapist more often. It would be beneficial for your recovery.

[Beth]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t56885/15-2?highlight=

 

Midwest Guy, I am closing this thread. See the above link for the reason. This is the second time that the issue of constant posting on this topic has been addressed.