saltyfishhead666 Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 Maybe I should take a break from dating then? Still unemployed Thinking of hiding my okc profile after my date tomorrow (not because it's a sure thing but just make it my last date) and then getting on with my life for the time being as I feel drained by dating and job searching and blah...haha I bet you do darling, I can't imagine being in that situation and thankfully I'm not. Good luck on your hunt 1
saltyfishhead666 Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 Well if a man is expected to pay for the first 2 to 3 dates then that means he should not be dating Unless he has savings or a credit card which is what I used when I was in between jobs I would never allow that anyway personally. I want to pay too, if I don't I feel uncomfortable. But that's just me But I do agree, if you can't afford to date you shouldn't be dating until you can. It doesn't make someone a bad person, it's a glitch that hopefully can be rectified.
thecrucible Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 I bet you do darling, I can't imagine being in that situation and thankfully I'm not. Good luck on your hunt I'm newly graduated (last summer) so it's like I'm waiting for getting on the ladder to start. I'm also a part-time postgraduate student. As a student, I guess people expect me to be poor anyway. But I'm looking forward to having a job and money. It will make it a more level playing field. Really I hope to have my own flat or something but that's a long way off. My friend has just started renting and she says it's boosted her confidence. And older people like friends of parents etc have said that being independent when it comes will put me in a more confident position in dating, better to withstand the bumps and jerks haha. There's another reason. I have to borrow money from my parents sometimes to travel to meet someone for a date. After I get back from my date tomorrow night, I'm hiding my account for a while. I'd rather see if something happens organically with someone I meet in person anyway. Although as long as I live in my little small town, I'm going to just assume that I'll be single forever as I know almost everyone and I've dated almost everyone worth dating already haha. I actually am going to be single forever
Author spiderowl Posted April 29, 2014 Author Posted April 29, 2014 Considering we just went through the worst recession in 80 years; If a girl is going to judge me based upon my employment, then I'm going to turn her away when I finally do meet her employment standards. I consider myself a worthy catch regardless. Then I'll laugh in 5 years when I think about her saying "why are all the good guys taken?". Sorry, I chose your more supportive and caring friend. I would agree that no-one wants a shallow person. I am coming from a different place. I have had years of being the earner and struggled enormously with family responsibilities too. I can't risk it again. I'd rather be alone, seriously. I know the recession means lots of people have no jobs - I could be in the same place - but I don't want to start there again.
Author spiderowl Posted April 29, 2014 Author Posted April 29, 2014 Simple, to the point, and lacking hyperbole. Send Not sure I understand ??
Author spiderowl Posted April 29, 2014 Author Posted April 29, 2014 Since you've gone through this sort of thing with someone else, I'd say you have a tendency to do it again. This is a test to see if you finally learned your lesson. I guess ... or I could be making a horrible misjudgement. Avoid seems the best option.
Author spiderowl Posted April 29, 2014 Author Posted April 29, 2014 men are not supposed to date when unemployed I don't agree with this. I'm sure most unemployed guys do want a job and to be independent. My experience is what has made me wary.
Author spiderowl Posted April 29, 2014 Author Posted April 29, 2014 What about employed with a less ideal job or wage? Hell my mother has struggled the last 4 years even though she has 30 years experience and a masters degree. Is she unworthy of love now? That's sick if you ask me. Your mom deserves every respect.
Author spiderowl Posted April 29, 2014 Author Posted April 29, 2014 If a person can afford a social life, they'll have one. If not, well, absent the charity of others, there are plenty of other ways to live their life. Reading the OP's posts, with sufficient attraction, conventional wisdom would indicate she's be posting in more positive terms about the man's prospects, skills, ambitions, etc, etc. As things are, regardless of reality, how she feels controls her perspective and the outcome of the events. My one admonition would be to work on balancing that with commitment-related perspective on similar events, as in nearly every relationship in life limerence ends and reactions to life events like unemployment can have marked effects on those relationships. OP, be honest with yourself and with him. Doing so allows both of you to move on with a minimum of rancor or time wasted. He'll thank you later on. Good points Carhill. I'd feel awful about it, but I know I can't deal with that situation any more.
WP4046 Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 I don't agree with this. I'm sure most unemployed guys do want a job and to be independent. My experience is what has made me wary. It would be too hard to try and win someone's heart while trying to find a job
Author spiderowl Posted May 7, 2014 Author Posted May 7, 2014 Well, I can forget all my worries because it fizzled out very quickly. I think I put him off by being negative but I couldn't help it. He was so far away as well and it just wasn't practical. Even phone calls were incredibly expensive. I'm glad it has fizzled out. I must seem like a really uncaring person but it's a relief. There was just too much against this working. Thanks for your advice, one and all. It was very helpful. By the way, I do not agree that it's wrong for someone who is unemployed to date. We all need love. It was just my particular experiences that have made me extra wary. There are lots of good guys out there who happen to be going through a patch of unemployment. The economic situation is such that this is likely to continue and even increase in the future. Unemployment shouldn't be a barrier to dating in general. 1
carhill Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 Not sure I understand ?? Sorry I'm late to this! I thought your opinion and sentiment was perfect for sending/communicating. No BS, simple, to the point and accurately reflecting your feelings on the matter. As a single man, I always thanked women for being this direct with me when rejecting me. Sure, it might have stung a bit in the moment but it cleared the way for new avenues of interaction with others. In some cases, those women went on to become good friends, as friendship is rooted in respect. Good luck!
Do_The_Herp Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 I'm also a single mother and when I go on dates I don't expect to be paying for someone else - just like I wouldn't expect another person to pay for me. Nearly every single female (whom isn't also a mother) would beg to differ with you on that one.
giblesp Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 Does he have career aspirations and is working towards it? The only excuse for not being in work is studying for a specific career and a goal in self improvement. If he's not doing that then he lacks purpose and is not in a position to be in a relationship.
Author spiderowl Posted May 10, 2014 Author Posted May 10, 2014 Sorry I'm late to this! I thought your opinion and sentiment was perfect for sending/communicating. No BS, simple, to the point and accurately reflecting your feelings on the matter. As a single man, I always thanked women for being this direct with me when rejecting me. Sure, it might have stung a bit in the moment but it cleared the way for new avenues of interaction with others. In some cases, those women went on to become good friends, as friendship is rooted in respect. Good luck! Thanks, but it's all disappeared now. I'm relieved actually
Author spiderowl Posted May 10, 2014 Author Posted May 10, 2014 Does he have career aspirations and is working towards it? The only excuse for not being in work is studying for a specific career and a goal in self improvement. If he's not doing that then he lacks purpose and is not in a position to be in a relationship. Didn't seem to have, which didn't help.
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