scarletspeedster Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 This is going be an extremely long one, but here we go. 3 1/2 years ago I'm invited to a girl's 21st birthday party. As soon as I see her my jaw just drops because she's one of the most beautiful girls I've ever seen and I instantly call dibs before my buddy does. I meet her, instant attraction, hit it off like no other, exchange numbers and suck each others face the entire night. We stay in contact through text for about six months without ever meeting up but once we finally did we hung out quite often for a few weeks, then everyday before I had to move to another state. Something pretty important is the fact that we are both considered players among our friends even though we don't sleep around. I've never had an exclusive girlfriend, I would date multiple girls at a time, hookup a lot, but only had sex with one girl because I felt its something that needs to be earned. She never had an exclusive boyfriend, would date multiple guys, fool around a lot, but never had sex with anyone because she wanted to wait until marriage or until she was in love which was one of my absolute favorite things about her. But when we started hanging out before I moved I never even looked at another girl, and she didn't look at any other guy. I never felt like this before and I couldn't handle it, so the day I moved I asked her to be my long distance girlfriend and I would come back after the semester. After a couple months long distance didn't work out, we broke up, she had to visit anyways because she already had a plane ticket booked, she visited and everything sparked again, she went back and I ended up drunkenly making out with a girl at a bar, I felt bad and told her even though we weren't together, we fought a lot, kept going back and fourth on what we should do over the course of about four months, and I ended up surprising her and showing up at her house on my birthday and we got back together. The week was absolutely incredible, we were extremely happy, made love for the first time, and when I flew back home I packed my things and moved back to be with her. Over the course of another few months we realize that relationships are more difficult than we thought they would be, we both have terrible communication skills and I didn't get along with her parents very well. I broke up with her but we still hung out everyday for four months straight without see other people so we didn't technically break up, it was just too difficult. But Finally I had to figure out if I really wanted to move on or not so I told her we had to cut off contact. It took me awhile but I finally got back into the dating scene and every girl I met just wasn't up to my standards to last more than one or two dates except for one, she's a pretty cool chick, we hang out few times, and I decide that I want to what it would be like to sleep with someone after my ex to see if it will help me move on. So I invite her over, we start hooking up, just when I'm about to put the condom on I back out and don't go through with it. I never spoke to that girl again and the next day I text my ex and we start hooking up/dating again. Once again its instant attraction, instant love, we're not exclusive and seeing other people but everything is cool and we're testing the waters to see if we can work it out. But once again, I have to move to another state and the day I leave we both have an emotional breakdown and don't want things to end. So now over the course of 9 months of being in Texas, she has visited me three times. Once in September to check out the city because it was always a place she wanted to move to, and this is when I find out that she is seriously dating another guy but he isn't her boyfriend, she loves me but isn't in love with me anymore, and she doesn't know if we would work out. Well me being the stud that I am, I sweep her off her feet and we're making love again, saying lovey dovey words, and when she leaves back home after the week we break down once again and talk about her moving here and giving it all one last shot. Next time she visits me she surprises me on New Year's with her bestie and we just start hooking up right away, everything is going great until the last night we get in the biggest fight we ever had, and when I came over to tell her goodbye the next morning of course she doesn't remember the fight because of her intoxication level. I see her off, minor breakdown in front of friend, and she tells me she is moving to Austin as soon as possible. Now go back a month or two ago, her grandfather becomes terminal, I'm helping her cope over the phone, she says I'm the only one that she wants to be around, that she loves me and wishes I was there, he passes away, I try to help her best I can, and then it goes back to normal contact until I get a text that she is moving here in two weeks. At first its excitement, and then its utter fear and terror. If she moves here and doesn't want to be with me anymore then I'll be devastated, what if in the past nine months that she's visited and expressed emotions to me were only happening because we didn't live in the same state and she just unintentionally lead me on because she was too afraid to say we were completely over. So over the two weeks I'm a little distant through text because of my fear, now its the third time she comes down which was a week ago when she had to come here to check out an apartment, she was with her mom so we didn't hook up, but the spark was there, we couldn't let go of each other when she was leaving, we awkwardly almost held hands in front of her mom, etc.. and then she asks if she can crash at my pad for 5 days because her lease doesn't start until after she has to be at her new job, of course I agree and when she gets here I'm being really distant and closed off because I'm afraid of the truth, and she's of course acting like we're best friends and showing me no sort of affection. Well yesterday morning as I'm working on my laptop and she's getting ready for her first day, her attempts at "Small talk" suck balls and she thinks its a cool idea to tell me how she feels bloated because her doctor made her get on birth control since she is sexually active. And now I'm just crushed, there have been so many ups and downs in our relationship, but when she told me that it completely ripped my heart out of my chest. It wasn't just the fact that I felt special since I was the only guy she had ever slept with, but it was also that I had hope in our relationship for the past year and she lead me on until the day she moved to my city. I tell her I'm not comfortable with her staying with me anymore and she needs to leave, she says it wasn't intentional to hurt me, and that she didn't think I would care since I was distant, I tell her she just ruined me by leading me on for months and that if she wanted it to truly be over she should have told me sooner, she says sorry but something happened a couple months ago and I will always love you but I'm not in love with you anymore (Even though she said she was during her grandfathers passing), I tell her to admit that she never wants to be with me again, she refuses to do so, etc... While she was packing her things she kept trying to talk about it to explain herself, and to get closure, and to give me closure, but I didn't want to hear anything. She kept trying to say she didn't want our friendship to end like this and I tricked her by saying we'll talk about it in the parking garage, and when I walked her and her bags out I told her I never wanted to hear or speak to her again and walked away. She tried stopping me and grabbing me, but I kept going and was completely set on never seeing her again. Now, after giving away a bag full of all the clothes she bought me to a homeless person, deleting all our photos together, ripping up all the love letters, and cutting up the pillow she forgot at my house with a knife, I've calmed down a little bit to analyze this situation and I've come to a stand off. 1. I can speak to her one last time to hear her side of the story, who she had sex with, if she loves him, etc.. Just so that I can actually hear it out loud, and if I decide that I can move on with the fact that she's been with someone else then I will win her back since I know for a fact that I can. If I realize that I can't move on and that there's nothing we can do to mend our relationship then I will have the closure moving forward in my life that there is absolutely nothing I could have done to stop this, and that I need to forget her. 2. I can leave it as it is now, completely cut off contact with her, and hope that I can move on without any sense of hope in the back of my mind that we'll get back together again. The issue with the first option is that I'm just afraid of hearing her explanation, I don't know if I can handle it. Yesterday was the toughest day of my entire life and I've calmed down, but if I meet up with her and it doesn't work out between us then I have to go through yesterdays pain and suffering all over again. The problem with the second option is that yes at this moment and the way that things ended I'm completely fine with leaving it how it is, but I'm afraid that I will always have this thought in the back of my head that its not over until she tells me she completely doesn't want to be with me anymore. So if I hear that she completely wants to end everything, I'll be crushed again but nothing will hold me back from moving on. If she doesn't tell me then I'll win her back, if I decide to leave it as it is I will make efforts in moving on, but I'm afraid I will never get rid of the hope that it isn't over since we ended it so badly without any closure. What do you guys think I should do? I hope this post doesn't make her look like a terrible person, I had my fair share of ******* times over the course of 3 years. But this girl is my first love, my only love, and the most important person in my entire life. Is that worth fighting for or not?
StrongLass Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 What do you guys think I should do? I hope this post doesn't make her look like a terrible person, I had my fair share of ******* times over the course of 3 years. But this girl is my first love, my only love, and the most important person in my entire life. Is that worth fighting for or not? Wow. Sooooo much yo-yoing drama from this girl has absorbed your time. To answer your question in bold though: Does your "fighting for it" doesn't really matter if she's not fighting for it too? I think you know the real answer to that. You're pretty much grasping at straws so that it can SOMEHOW NOT be over even though it's obvious that it is. Farther down the line? Who knows, but you have to get over this well before that time can ever come.
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