What's the best thing to handle this?

[tigerdog]

Okay, I've been seeing this guy for the past month although we've known each other for several months. The past 3 weeks, everything moved kind of fast. At first, he was unclear if he even liked me at the beginning, and then we had a conversation and the last few weeks he's been into me. It got to the point where he introduced me to his friends, wanted me to meet his brother, asked me to be his girlfriend (which I declined because it was going to fast), informed me he was taking himself off the market and was going to be exclusive. When we were with his friends, he'd keep mentioning how awesome we were together and pointing out all our similarities. When we were together, everything felt amazing and we'd frequently have conversations about how right it felt. Okay, well last weekend, I asked him about how his relationships ended. Things were moving fast and I knew absolutely nothing about his past and I didn't want to commit to him until I had some idea of how his recent relationships ended.

 

Somehow this simple question, turned into him telling me about an infidelity that his ex did. He then began to vent about her. This occurred several years ago and my ex cheated so I understood. But he was shaking and I found out yesterday that he's only told 2 people about this. The idea that he told a girl this after less than a month of knowing her, freaked him out and now he's associating the negative emotions of that event with me. He basically felt like it was a mistake to tell me, but it just didn't seem fair since I didn't pry. I just asked why his relationships ended. Then in a nutshell he told me he wanted to stop dating me and just wanted to be my friend. Then we kept talking, and he realized he made a huge mistake and clearly does not know how to date (his words, not mine). He literally seemed at a loss for words. It's like he realized that we should keep dating, but take it slow, but was unable to form those words or say it. He just stood there, in silence. It was almost like he was waiting for me to suggest that we date each other again, but considering he ended it, it didn't feel right and felt like I would have been pressuring him and I want to be with a guy who actively wants me. So I left and I didn't hear from him for the rest of the day.

 

Anyway, my phone accidentally called him last night at like 2am and he immediately called me back. I didn't answer but texted him saying it was an accident. He then went on to say that "hopefully we will talk soon." In our conversation earlier that day he went on about really wanting to be my friend and not wanting to lose me, but I just can't think of him as a platonic friend right now, so I told him very nicely and respectfully via text that we should give each other time to process and that I can't just be a platonic friend right now since it wouldn't be fair to either of us, and I would over think things too much. Was this the wrong thing to say? Is there anything else I can do? I just wanted to tell him that cause he's a really nice guy, and I don't want him to treat me like a friend when I was just in the beginning stages of falling in love with him. He hasn't responded yet to that text and I'm trying to give him space.

 

I've done that thing where I try to be a platonic friend but I have NO IDEA what he feels or what he wants anymore, and I don't want to get hurt, trying to be his friend, hoping for him to say he wants us to continue dating again. I've never, ever connected with someone so amazingly like this (and I know he feels the same way), which is why I really want to know what the best thing to do is?

[Strength in Healing]

The best thing to do is to tell him you want to date him, and it is too painful to be just friends. Then tell him you cannot stay in contact with him as a friend, but he should reach out to you when he is ready to date. And that you will talk to him as soon as that day comes.

 

Then go full NC.