Targetlock Posted April 25, 2014 Posted April 25, 2014 Okay so i went to another singles night (my friend kind of ditched me and i was unable to go as he was the transport, but my mum came to the rescue...yeah i know rather embarrassing, ad she gave me a lift there and back, didn't come in thank god) but sadly the night was a bit of a waste felt like i'd walked into a over 40's night with around 15 people there and nobody around my age. and the live music was rather bad as well, so i didn't last long. But this story has a happy ending after that long thread trying to get help sorting out my OLD profile, A local girl messaged me!! we've ended up talking and she has asked me out! sadly in the profile i don't see much immediate attraction, but we do share a lot of similar interests but I hope meeting her in person will be much better and worth a shot! will keep you posted with what happens. 5
kodakgirl Posted April 25, 2014 Posted April 25, 2014 I am glad to hear that!!!! Hopefully it does all spark in person but even if not, it's encouraging, isn't it?? 3
Do_The_Herp Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 Good for you. Hopefully something good comes from it, but if not, there'll be plenty more opportunities to come, just make the best of them. 2
Frank2thepoint Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 A local girl messaged me!! we've ended up talking and she has asked me out! sadly in the profile i don't see much immediate attraction, but we do share a lot of similar interests but I hope meeting her in person will be much better and worth a shot! will keep you posted with what happens. Congratulations. At least you are giving her a chance. Just because she doesn't look amazing in the photo, doesn't mean she will not be in person once you observe the cute things she does and her smile. 2
regine_phalange Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 Yay! Im happy for you! Don't think about the photos so much, because many people are more attractive when you see them face to face (mannerisms, body language, etc). Do tell us how it goes! 2
Author Targetlock Posted April 26, 2014 Author Posted April 26, 2014 (edited) Thanks all, i would be kind of fool if I didn't at least give this a chance and yeah hope this is where my luck turns around need some good luck at the moment (going through a rough patch at the moment). Well I've answered her message (she asked me out, but i was too cautious at first to answer) with: Wow, really? that sounds nice, what would you like to do? my free day next week is wednesday sound okay to you? will or course tell what happens Edited April 26, 2014 by Targetlock
angel.eyes Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 Next time, I would drop the "Wow, really" part. It sounds as if you don't think you deserve a date with her. Otherwise it's okay. You can also suggest a date idea based on what you know about her, rather than leaving it all up to her to do everything for the date. Women generally prefer guys who take initiative, plan, and take the lead. She may have contacted you first, but you can take over and contact her, propose a specific time and idea. That tends to result in greater success. Just food for thought. It's awesome that things are on an upswing! I'm excited for you. One other thought... How do you plan to get around once you're dating? You can't depend on your friend or your mother to be your ride. 1
Frank2thepoint Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 Well I've answered her message (she asked me out, but i was too cautious at first to answer) with: Wow, really? that sounds nice, what would you like to do? my free day next week is wednesday sound okay to you? will or course tell what happens You should of sent something like this: "That sounds great, I'm free next week Wednesday." Fin. Keep it short and sweet. Texting is for succinct messages, not short stories. You'll have plenty to talk during the date. 1
Author Targetlock Posted April 26, 2014 Author Posted April 26, 2014 she has decided she wants to get to know me better before arranging an actual date, probably just being cautious. Angel.eyes: yeah fair point about the response, just only been asked out twice before (once at a school as a prank and on OLD which didn't amount to anything) so yeah not really used to much female attention. And so for the transport issue, both of us live in the same town and she drives as well.
angel.eyes Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 Arrange to chat by phone then. Get off email and text. It's very easy to misconstrue what someone says on either. It's also much harder to build rapport through those two media. No offense, but please don't expect your date to be happy picking you up for a date when you're 27 years old (I think). They may agree, but most will view it as a negative...even worse if they pick you up at your parents' house...for a date they had to plan. It's a recipe for flaking and unexplained disappearing acts. You need to be self-sufficient rather than depending on your date and others in general.
Author Targetlock Posted April 26, 2014 Author Posted April 26, 2014 no wouldn't expect that, I would hope to meet her somewhere or something, yes her coming to get me would see a bit sad. I'm 28 (good guess) but don't live with my parents (not for four years!). I don't like messaging online either (though I don't mind texting) I always feel so awkward and worry about what I write and her reaction. how should I go about getting her number? should I ask if she wants to exchange numbers or should I offer her mine? want to make the most of this opportunity and hopefully not screw it up.
angel.eyes Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 Sorry, your mom drove you to your singles event. It wasn't clear if you were still living at home. Since she's being cautious, I would give her your phone number rather than asking for hers. TBH, there's no right or wrong way of exchanging numbers. 1
Author Targetlock Posted April 26, 2014 Author Posted April 26, 2014 that is fine, I had a friend who was supposed to be my wingman but couldn't make (chickening out? not sure) so I ended up talking to it with my mum who offered to give me a lift to save Taxi costs. Yeah may give that a try with offering my number. just need a message,maybe something like: Hi, would you like to exchange numbers and chat or text? heres my number (insert number here) trying to come up with a nice message to ask this.
Yur Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 Yay! Im happy for you! Don't think about the photos so much, because many people are more attractive when you see them face to face (mannerisms, body language, etc). Do tell us how it goes! Congrats Targetlock, you seem like a glass is half full kind of guy! I think your message mentioning exchanging numbers is fine! Totally agree with what people are saying about how things are so different in person. I remember my first ever OLD date, it brought a big smile to my face after just a few moments, a photo can't convey so many things! 1
Tayla Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 There is nothing wrong with the lady picking you up. The person who initiated the date can often arrange the planning, and that includes transportation. This is modern dating with etiquette. Sure hope you both spark interests! Its great to hear you of your good news ! Life is unscripted so don't feel that your words have to be precise. Its your actions that will be most remembered.
topaMAXX Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 This is a perfect example of women having all the power. Look at this guy: 28 and self-sufficient....and he's falling all over himself because one (1) girl likes him on OLD. He got one message and he's creaming himself, whereas women get at least that many per hour. But I guess good job, OP. Congrats! 1
Author Targetlock Posted April 27, 2014 Author Posted April 27, 2014 thanks for the comments, i thought the whole idea was the guys doing the chasing after the girls? well i messaged her about exchanging numbers and now i'm just waiting for a response! wish me luck.
Author Targetlock Posted April 27, 2014 Author Posted April 27, 2014 (edited) Update: well she wasn't sure about exchanging numbers, but suggested chatting through Skype (haven't started yet) well it is progress I guess. any suggestions on my next move? almost feels like a step backwards or something. Edited April 27, 2014 by Targetlock added question
Teraskas Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 Update: well she wasn't sure about exchanging numbers, but suggested chatting through Skype (haven't started yet) well it is progress I guess. any suggestions on my next move? almost feels like a step backwards or something. It's good to hear that at least you're experiencing some form of progression in your dating life. Personally, I have been to several of those 'Singles events' over here, but they all amounted to nothing. All the women there were in their mid 30s, early 40s and weren't interested in a 'Young and unexperienced fellow'. (So judgmental without even knowing the first thing about me, lols.) So I pretty much gave up on that. This one sounds a tougher nut than others to crack, but I'd suggest continuing to the Skype phase and see where it goes from there. Perhaps if you've chatted enough for a week or so, she'll probably get to know you as a person, and should be more confident in meeting up. Perhaps you could suggest to meet up on a weekend if you're not doing anything or so. I have no advice on Skype as I've never used it on the dating phase, and prefer to let others on this forum with the more adequate expertise take over. 1
Author Targetlock Posted April 28, 2014 Author Posted April 28, 2014 Yeah, and thanks it is a worth a try i guess I hope it amounts to something for a change. those singles events are strange things, trying to work out if its bad luck or are those particular events always like that.
angel.eyes Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 Bad luck! 15 attendees is really small. I'm surprised they didn't cancel the event. Next time, ask the organizer what the age range is and how many people are expected to attend. Mention your age and ask how many women under thirty have signed up. I don't know if you have Match Stir events in the UK. In the US, they try organize them around particular age ranges. My friends who have attended have enjoyed these.
angel.eyes Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 (edited) Update: well she wasn't sure about exchanging numbers, but suggested chatting through Skype (haven't started yet) well it is progress I guess. any suggestions on my next move? almost feels like a step backwards or something. If she wants to Skype, at least you know you aren't being catfished. I see Skype as a promising step forward. Some like to use it before an actual date. Think about the background in your room. Make sure there's no clutter visible. Also make sure you won't have interruptions while you're Skyping. At the end of the session, if you're still interested in meeting her, tell her you enjoyed the chat and would like to meet. Ask her if she would be interested in meeting. If she wants another Skype session, just go with the flow and agree to a second session. Enjoy! Edited April 28, 2014 by angel.eyes
HappyLove Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 Yes, make sure there's no clutter and look your best! At least from the waist up have a decent shirt on hair done. Consider it a date. Think of some fun things to talk about before hand just in case you two are very nervous. Keep it short, definitely under an hr if things are progressing well. Good luck!
Author Targetlock Posted April 28, 2014 Author Posted April 28, 2014 Update: no video chats yet just messaging, maybe she is shy or something but her responses are always very short (just okay, good, that sort of thing) and it is awkward getting any further info or continuing the conversation any suggestions or ideas to maybe spark it further?
angel.eyes Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 She's either very shy or she's no longer interested. Difficult to tell with a complete stranger, but if it feels like you're trying to have a conversation with a brick wall, generally the person isn't interested. Ask open ended questions: "Tell me about your job" rather than "How was work?" If you're really getting nowhere, just drop it and stop trying. If she's interested, she'll re-engage. If it just fades into oblivion, you have your answer.
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