pushforward Posted April 25, 2014 Posted April 25, 2014 I got this girl's number awhile ago. She was flakey and could never meet up. She would agree and then flake last minute. She flaked on me twice so I moved on. A couple of months later, we reconnected. Ended up having a great first date and she explained that she had some personal things going on with her best friend who confessed feelings for her. She didn't feel the same way and that person threaten to harm themselves. She apologized for her flakiness. We've been on two dates and on our second date, we ended up kissing and holding hands. She introduced me to her friends. She tells me she's intrigued by me and wonders how I would react to certain situations. We talked about making future plans but nothing concrete. Our schedules don't really line up well. Throughout the night, we flirt, get physical by dancing, and kissing. Since then, we text here and there, mostly to check in on each other or inside jokes. I'm a bit worried of screwing this up because I'm really into her. I'm not always the first to text and I don't reply right away if I'm genuinely busy. Anyways, I'm not sure if she's into me because I'm setting up plans most of the time. She sometimes takes a really long time to respond to text but most of the time gets back to my previous text. Despite the positive experience posted above, I have this weird feeling that's she's into me but sort of not really.. I feel dumb typing this out. Maybe I'm expecting too much too early. I'm just nervous and excited at the same time. I texted her yesterday and she didn't reply. She's been posting stuff on Facebook so I know she saw my text. I guess she's not that into me. Your guy's thoughts?
Avril Wright Posted April 25, 2014 Posted April 25, 2014 you dont sound stupid at all! i think that maybe if you back off just a little bit and give her space than she might come to you. she seems to really like you too but her not replying to your texts might be a red flag. maybe you should just ask her out straight if she wants something more or not because at the end of the day you might be the one getting hurt hope this helped!
angel.eyes Posted April 25, 2014 Posted April 25, 2014 You strike me as very smart and astute. That's why you're questioning the seeming disconnect. I tend to be very practical about these things. If you can't get her to go on another date, then yes, at the end of the day she isn't really interested. Whether you get a direct rejection is largely irrelevant. Whether she continues to respond sweetly to all your texts or whatnot seemingly encouraging behavior doesn't mean much. The outcome is the same...no next date=going nowhere. A brick wall covered in feathers and fluff is still a brick wall that you can't get through. Try to schedule another date. If you get excuses and can't agree to a concrete date, I would just move on at this point.
Author pushforward Posted April 25, 2014 Author Posted April 25, 2014 Thanks for all the quick replies! I'm going to let her breathe and re-engage next week. If nothing happens, I'll have my answer. I really don't understand how someone can say they're having a great time with you, get physically affectionate, introduce you to friends, and then get cold all of a sudden. I don't like or get this hot and cold deal. Is dating always this complicating?
angel.eyes Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 When you come across someone who's genuinely interested in you, things are usually relatively simple. Two dates in months and an assorted smorgasbord of flakiness, disappearances, and excuses isn't interest. Sorry.
Author pushforward Posted April 26, 2014 Author Posted April 26, 2014 You strike me as very smart and astute. That's why you're questioning the seeming disconnect. I tend to be very practical about these things. If you can't get her to go on another date, then yes, at the end of the day she isn't really interested. Whether you get a direct rejection is largely irrelevant. Whether she continues to respond sweetly to all your texts or whatnot seemingly encouraging behavior doesn't mean much. The outcome is the same...no next date=going nowhere. A brick wall covered in feathers and fluff is still a brick wall that you can't get through. Try to schedule another date. If you get excuses and can't agree to a concrete date, I would just move on at this point. Thanks for all the quick replies! I'm going to let her breathe and re-engage next week. If nothing happens, I'll have my answer. I really don't understand how someone can say they're having a great time with you, get physically affectionate, introduce you to friends, and then get cold all of a sudden. I don't like or get this hot and cold deal. Is dating always this complicating? It's been two dates in two weeks if that makes a difference.
angel.eyes Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 (edited) But that was preceded by a couple of months of flakiness, disappearance...and the excuse that she blew you off because her best friend would harm himself since she wasn't interested in him, wasn't it? That's followed by two dates in two weeks, then you can't get a third out of her. If that's a reasonable summary of the timeline in the OP, this isn't someone keen on dating you. Most likely, it will sputter along until someone who really interests her appears on the horizon. Is that really fair to you? Do you deserve better than to be a convenient backup when it suits her who gets dropped like a hot potato when it doesn't? Edited April 26, 2014 by angel.eyes
Author pushforward Posted April 27, 2014 Author Posted April 27, 2014 But that was preceded by a couple of months of flakiness, disappearance...and the excuse that she blew you off because her best friend would harm himself since she wasn't interested in him, wasn't it? That's followed by two dates in two weeks, then you can't get a third out of her. If that's a reasonable summary of the timeline in the OP, this isn't someone keen on dating you. Most likely, it will sputter along until someone who really interests her appears on the horizon. Is that really fair to you? Do you deserve better than to be a convenient backup when it suits her who gets dropped like a hot potato when it doesn't? Yep, you called it. I sent her a follow up text. Nothing. I saw that she saw my snapchats from when I went out yesterday. She's blowing me off. Sucks but I have my answer. I'll lose her number and remove her from my social media. If she reaches out to me, should I be upfront and let her know why. Or just mention I think we won't be a good match?
Author pushforward Posted April 29, 2014 Author Posted April 29, 2014 Yep, you called it. I sent her a follow up text. Nothing. I saw that she saw my snapchats from when I went out yesterday. She's blowing me off. Sucks but I have my answer. I'll lose her number and remove her from my social media. If she reaches out to me, should I be upfront and let her know why. Or just mention I think we won't be a good match? So she finally got back to me stating dating is a waste of time. She wants to get to know me as a friend with the potential of it leading to something more. I replied letting her know that it doesn't seem like she's interested in me romantically and I'm not interested in just a friendship. She replied today stating she is interested romantically but thinks starting off as friends and building a relationship makes for a solid foundation. I'll reply tonight to let her know my time is valuable and that we have differences in ideas of relationship so this won't work. Seems like she is playing a game. No thanks.
Imajerk17 Posted April 29, 2014 Posted April 29, 2014 (edited) So she finally got back to me stating dating is a waste of time. She wants to get to know me as a friend with the potential of it leading to something more. I replied letting her know that it doesn't seem like she's interested in me romantically and I'm not interested in just a friendship. She replied today stating she is interested romantically but thinks starting off as friends and building a relationship makes for a solid foundation. I'll reply tonight to let her know my time is valuable and that we have differences in ideas of relationship so this won't work. Seems like she is playing a game. No thanks. I think that is a good move. MUCH better than going along with her "friends first" spiel, which would show a lack of self-respect. Going along with her "friend's first" spiel would not end well for you. You'd end up being a place-holder until the next guy comes along! However, I would advise even more that you FIRST ask her what is *really* happening on her end. You are likely to be VERY surprised as to what you learn. Read the threads on LS written by women on here, their doubting and self-protective tendencies, and how it leads to their flakey game-playing behaviour, ect... Great things can come to a guy who cuts through all that. How did you meet this girl by the way? Cold-approach in a bar? Grocery store? Circle of friends? Edited April 29, 2014 by Imajerk17
Author pushforward Posted April 29, 2014 Author Posted April 29, 2014 (edited) I think that is a good move. MUCH better than going along with her "friends first" spiel, which would show a lack of self-respect. Going along with her "friend's first" spiel would not end well for you. You'd end up being a place-holder until the next guy comes along! However, I would advise even more that you FIRST ask her what is *really* happening on her end. You are likely to be VERY surprised as to what you learn. Read the threads on LS written by women on here, their doubting and self-protective tendencies, and how it leads to their flakey game-playing behaviour, ect... Great things can come to a guy who cuts through all that. How did you meet this girl by the way? Cold-approach in a bar? Grocery store? Circle of friends? She used to work at the salon I get my haircuts at. She no longer works there. Exchanged numbers on Facebook. I'll reply tonight or tomorrow with what I mentioned above and also ask about what is really going on with her. I know her best friend recently came on to her and pressured her for a relationship so I'm not looking to pressure her for anything but at the same time, I'm not settling for friendship. I value myself more than to settle for a temp job while she looks for a permanent. Edited April 29, 2014 by pushforward
Author pushforward Posted April 30, 2014 Author Posted April 30, 2014 Update!!! I sent her a text tonight stating my time is valuable and I'm looking for something more exclusive/serious. I have a lot to offer to the right person. She replied back wishing me luck and stated my lack of patience will be my downfall. I found that to pretty rude and I know what to do from here on out.
Assasda Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 Yeah, thats what you get for putting so much pressure on her early. She's absolutely right. Leave her alone and date other people
carhill Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 Your guy's thoughts? With this experience in your back pocket, next time try spreading your eggs around into different baskets so as to not dwell so much expectation on any one basket. When dating, definitely enjoy the moment. There are lots of moments in life and lots of people to enjoy them with. If, over time, you find yourself gravitating towards one particular person to share moments with, and they you (mutually!) then start moving the eggs into that basket and spending more time watching it. People earn the trust and love and loyalty of others. Do give yours away. Valuable stuff. Good luck.
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