notyouraveragebabe Posted April 25, 2014 Posted April 25, 2014 (edited) So I have the biggest crush on this hottie at the gym for 3 months now. We been texting for 3 months and nothing really happened. So I didn’t think he was that interested. I did mention, I just want to be friends and workout when we exchanged numbers. So he never asked me out, maybe? Since we exchanged numbers we haven’t seen each other. I have been traveling, busy with work, and not really engaging. He’s been busy too. So just last weekend, I got back from my trip and messaged him through Facebook. He told me he would be out and if I wanted to meet him. So I ended up going with a few friends. He approached me right away and says, “Wow, look at you”. He gives me a big hug. We have never seen each other outside of the gym. So I’m assuming he thinks I look hot. We talked and then I went back to my friends and he went back to his. My friends see him looking over at me, but I play it cool. At the bar, a few guys approached me to talk, so I talked to them. He eventually leaves and says “bye”. I eventually left too and I walked to my friend’s car and took shots in her car (bad, I normally don’t do this!). Somehow, he sees me and walks up to the car and says “hey, is this what you guys do in the car?” He continues to walk away. My friends calls him back and he turns around and he tells me to “text him”. So the next day on Facebook, he comments about me drinking in the car, calling me “GHETTO”. I knew he was joking because he teases me a lot. My friends were offended and commented back. They go back and forth on my Facebook page. He eventually says it was a joke . The next day I go to the gym and we finally run into each other after months of not seeing each other at the gym. He told me he usually goes to a different location which is why I didn't think he was that interested. If he was interested he would go to my location. So I think he went to my location that night to see me. He approaches me and teases me, and told me that it was a joke. He apologizes and says your friends must hate me. He mentioned he had a great time with me and wants to hang out more. He mentions it 5 more times to call him to hang out again. I told him I got a new phone and don’t have his number anymore, so he calls me right away and tells me to save his number. I texted him, he responded, but didn’t initiate anything. I can’t do all the work now. Like why won’t he just ask me out? Also, why is he interested all of a sudden? It's been 3 months and now he wants to hang out?! Edited April 25, 2014 by notyouraveragebabe
pteromom Posted April 25, 2014 Posted April 25, 2014 Like why won’t he just ask me out? Because... I did mention, I just want to be friends and workout when we exchanged numbers. If you are changing the parameters of your relationship, you need to clue him in on that. YOU should ask him out, and tell him that you know you said you wanted to be just friends, but you may be open to changing your mind about that. Then, if he is interested, he'll say YES and start showing you. If he isn't, he'll say NO and you can move on. 2
Imported Posted April 25, 2014 Posted April 25, 2014 So I have the biggest crush on this hottie at the gym ........I just want to be friends and workout when we exchanged numbers. (noted) ..........Since we exchanged numbers we haven’t seen each other. (out of sight, out of mind) .........He approached me right away and says, “Wow, look at you”. (postive feedback) .......then I went back to my friends. (nothing. Less than nothing) ....... My friends see him looking over at me, but I play it cool. (appearntly you just wants to be friend. More like an acquaintance. Some guy you know at the gym) ........At the bar, a few guys approached me to talk, so I talked to them. (seems you like some other guys) He eventually leaves (I wouldn't want to see that **** either) I will leave the taking shots in a car out of this other than alcoholic women are usually looked at as ....a good time and not much more. I can’t do all the work now. Like why won’t he just ask me out? Also, why is he interested all of a sudden? It's been 3 months and now he wants to hang out?! What work did you do other than make sure that he has no idea you have any interest? 3
Author notyouraveragebabe Posted April 25, 2014 Author Posted April 25, 2014 My girlfriends are coaching me to not call and to let him do the work. My guy friends are telling me to make the move. I think if he wants me he should make the move. Men, never wait for a woman to make the move! I feel if I do it, I'm going to devalue myself. Or appear desperate. Not the way I want to come off. I am a strong woman! I stand my grounds!
organizedchaos Posted April 25, 2014 Posted April 25, 2014 My girlfriends are coaching me to not call and to let him do the work. My guy friends are telling me to make the move. I think if he wants me he should make the move. Men, never wait for a woman to make the move! I feel if I do it, I'm going to devalue myself. Or appear desperate. Not the way I want to come off. I am a strong woman! I stand my grounds! I think him catching you doing shots in the car has already devalued you in his eyes. Strong women who stand their grounds don't necessarily do that. Not much worse you can get now.
pteromom Posted April 25, 2014 Posted April 25, 2014 Men, never wait for a woman to make the move! I feel if I do it, I'm going to devalue myself. Or appear desperate. Not the way I want to come off. I am a strong woman! I stand my grounds! No way. If you do it, you are a strong woman who knows what she wants and goes for it. Weakness is sitting in the shadows wondering what someone is thinking instead of taking control of the situation. 3
Author notyouraveragebabe Posted April 26, 2014 Author Posted April 26, 2014 your not average. your below average. You mean You're ? 1
Author notyouraveragebabe Posted April 26, 2014 Author Posted April 26, 2014 its not english class you bore How did you graduate from elementary school? 1
Do_The_Herp Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 My girlfriends are coaching me to not call and to let him do the work. My guy friends are telling me to make the move. I think if he wants me he should make the move. Men, never wait for a woman to make the move! I feel if I do it, I'm going to devalue myself. Or appear desperate. Not the way I want to come off. I am a strong woman! I stand my grounds! I love your username. One that at least 50% of the female population would also identify with. Everyone's a special snowflake who thinks they're perfection. Seems you haven't made it clear that you were interested in anything more than his occasional company as a work-out bud and nothing more. Now you're feeling exhausted by this, wondering why he hasn't made a clear move? Are you seriously that clueless? No need to risk looking desperate though, you can just continue to actually BE desperate, if you'd like. Hopefully you stop with the passive aggressive games, because eventually an actual player will gladly go along with it and leave you an emotional mess, as above average as you think you are. It'll be a self fulfilling prophecy. Your lifestyle and the mentality it breeds probably won't help you, if you're basically a superficial fast-paced bar fly.
Salvatore85 Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 Seriously quit the crap. Stop listening to your bonehead friends and ask the guy out. This stuff isn't that hard and there simply is no point in playing games. 2
Noproblem Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 I think he likes you a bit. So, I guess it's up to you to make the right move to get him. 1
TigerLilly78 Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 My girlfriends are coaching me to not call and to let him do the work. My guy friends are telling me to make the move. I think if he wants me he should make the move. Men, never wait for a woman to make the move! I feel if I do it, I'm going to devalue myself. Or appear desperate. Not the way I want to come off. I am a strong woman! I stand my grounds! Ide listen to the guys after all are you going for a women or a man? who better to take this advice from then another man.. what's this about a strong women wont make the 1st move? pifff donkey dosh...I've asked men out in my life and most have ended up in some type of long term relationship with me I see something I want I go for it..alot of men I think will respect that more then any guessing games.. 3
Potion9 Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 Ide listen to the guys after all are you going for a women or a man? who better to take this advice from then another man.. what's this about a strong women wont make the 1st move? pifff donkey dosh...I've asked men out in my life and most have ended up in some type of long term relationship with me I see something I want I go for it..alot of men I think will respect that more then any guessing games.. bingo /agree
Teraskas Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 If you are indeed a 'strong woman' as you claim you are, you wouldn't have the need to hide behind gender role insecurities. Since when should men be deadlocked into the role of initiating ? Last time I checked, when a woman initiates, she isn't exactly devaluating herself or coming off as desperate. If anything, it shows she's got guts, confidence and doesn't appear to be a princess passively sitting on her rear end waiting for everything to be handed to her. 2
Frank2thepoint Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 My girlfriends are coaching me to not call and to let him do the work. And you're still pining for this guy, without letting him know you are interested. You're expecting this guy to be a mind (and emotion) reader. My guy friends are telling me to make the move. The smart ones who are actually helping you out. I think if he wants me he should make the move. You have this backwards. You want him. Men, never wait for a woman to make the move! I feel if I do it, I'm going to devalue myself. Or appear desperate. You already did that by talking to other guys and doing shots in the car. I am a strong woman! I stand my grounds! Since you're going to be a grammar nazi, don't you mean "I stand my ground!" (singular)? Anyway, be a strong, stubborn woman. Stand your ground by remaining frustrated.
Scales Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 My girlfriends are coaching me to not call and to let him do the work. My guy friends are telling me to make the move. I think if he wants me he should make the move. Men, never wait for a woman to make the move! I feel if I do it, I'm going to devalue myself. Or appear desperate. Not the way I want to come off. I am a strong woman! I stand my grounds! I think people here need to calm down. OP isn't wrong if her description is accurate. If you are going to be a strange guy about texting and hanging out, but not making a strong move soon after getting the number, then its weird. Its comes of as indecisive which kills attraction because its not confident. You just have to face the fact that he is clueless or not into you. I know you feel like you have to do the work to chase him it will make him a less valuable choice. I'm not saying do a lot of work, but he needs an extra push. A lot more than other guys apparently. Don't let your friends have too much influence on your life. There is probably a lot of pressure to find somebody who is hot and that they approve of, but you want to remember this is ultimately your relationship. Don't put too much emphasis on what they'll think. Am I the only who thinks taking shots outside the bar is a good way to save money? Nobody here ever pre gamed or had some street beers before? If I saw some girls taking shots in a car I'd think to myself wow somebody who isn't boring finally. Not that I condone driving the car lol. 1
Do_The_Herp Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 Don't let your friends have too much influence on your life. There is probably a lot of pressure to find somebody who is hot and that they approve of, but you want to remember this is ultimately your relationship. Don't put too much emphasis on what they'll think. Am I the only who thinks taking shots outside the bar is a good way to save money? Nobody here ever pre gamed or had some street beers before? If I saw some girls taking shots in a car I'd think to myself wow somebody who isn't boring finally. Not that I condone driving the car lol. If you were a girl doing that, I'd just be thinking that you're a mess, probably someone who likes to get loud and annoying and thinks that if they took a dump on the sidewalk in a drunken haze that it'd look and smell like strawberry sherbet with sprinkles on top. Just a big headed attention whore. It's not a terrible idea though, if you're just looking to get drunk right away.
Author notyouraveragebabe Posted April 26, 2014 Author Posted April 26, 2014 UPDATE************ Ok, so maybe I didn't want to ask him out for the fear of rejection. Who wants to be rejected? Gym Hottie gave a lot of mixed signals. It's been 3 months and no date?! I read through the posts and I gave mixed signals too. He's probably afraid of rejection too. So, I woman'd up and asked him out last night. He was working late and couldn't do anything. He never rescheduled with me. I don't get this guy! He's confusing me. I think he's playing games with me.
Author notyouraveragebabe Posted April 26, 2014 Author Posted April 26, 2014 If you were a girl doing that, I'd just be thinking that you're a mess, probably someone who likes to get loud and annoying and thinks that if they took a dump on the sidewalk in a drunken haze that it'd look and smell like strawberry sherbet with sprinkles on top. Just a big headed attention whore. It's not a terrible idea though, if you're just looking to get drunk right away. It was a fun night out. It does come off as "trashy", but who hasn't pregame before? 1
Author notyouraveragebabe Posted April 26, 2014 Author Posted April 26, 2014 No way. If you do it, you are a strong woman who knows what she wants and goes for it. Weakness is sitting in the shadows wondering what someone is thinking instead of taking control of the situation. We all fear rejection.
Shaun-Dro Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 So I have the biggest crush on this hottie at the gym for 3 months now. We been texting for 3 months and nothing really happened. So I didn’t think he was that interested. I did mention, I just want to be friends and workout when we exchanged numbers. So he never asked me out, maybe? Since we exchanged numbers we haven’t seen each other. I have been traveling, busy with work, and not really engaging. He’s been busy too. So just last weekend, I got back from my trip and messaged him through Facebook. He told me he would be out and if I wanted to meet him. So I ended up going with a few friends. He approached me right away and says, “Wow, look at you”. He gives me a big hug. We have never seen each other outside of the gym. So I’m assuming he thinks I look hot. We talked and then I went back to my friends and he went back to his. My friends see him looking over at me, but I play it cool. At the bar, a few guys approached me to talk, so I talked to them. He eventually leaves and says “bye”. I eventually left too and I walked to my friend’s car and took shots in her car (bad, I normally don’t do this!). Somehow, he sees me and walks up to the car and says “hey, is this what you guys do in the car?” He continues to walk away. My friends calls him back and he turns around and he tells me to “text him”. So the next day on Facebook, he comments about me drinking in the car, calling me “GHETTO”. I knew he was joking because he teases me a lot. My friends were offended and commented back. They go back and forth on my Facebook page. He eventually says it was a joke . The next day I go to the gym and we finally run into each other after months of not seeing each other at the gym. He told me he usually goes to a different location which is why I didn't think he was that interested. If he was interested he would go to my location. So I think he went to my location that night to see me. He approaches me and teases me, and told me that it was a joke. He apologizes and says your friends must hate me. He mentioned he had a great time with me and wants to hang out more. He mentions it 5 more times to call him to hang out again. I told him I got a new phone and don’t have his number anymore, so he calls me right away and tells me to save his number. I texted him, he responded, but didn’t initiate anything. I can’t do all the work now. Like why won’t he just ask me out? Also, why is he interested all of a sudden? It's been 3 months and now he wants to hang out?! Women like you continue to complicate simple matters with men. This guy has already expressed interested but is treading lightly because you have yet to show much interest in return. I guess this is rocket science for you. 1
Author notyouraveragebabe Posted April 26, 2014 Author Posted April 26, 2014 Ide listen to the guys after all are you going for a women or a man? who better to take this advice from then another man.. what's this about a strong women wont make the 1st move? pifff donkey dosh...I've asked men out in my life and most have ended up in some type of long term relationship with me I see something I want I go for it..alot of men I think will respect that more then any guessing games.. Nobody wants to be rejected, but I guess I will never know if I don't try, so I did it! I asked him out! 2
Do_The_Herp Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 It was a fun night out. It does come off as "trashy", but who hasn't pregame before? True. Much cheaper, no? And I don't really feel like drinking out of half-ass-cleaned shot glasses myself anyway. So, the guy's playing games.. Why continue wasting your time with someone who probably won't stop doing what they do? You're better off without him. But if you meet someone who doesn't seem to play unnecessary children's games, don't shoot yourself in the foot.
Salvatore85 Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 UPDATE************ Ok, so maybe I didn't want to ask him out for the fear of rejection. Who wants to be rejected? Gym Hottie gave a lot of mixed signals. It's been 3 months and no date?! I read through the posts and I gave mixed signals too. He's probably afraid of rejection too. So, I woman'd up and asked him out last night. He was working late and couldn't do anything. He never rescheduled with me. I don't get this guy! He's confusing me. I think he's playing games with me. Than quit pursuing him and move on. He had his chance and he blew it, his loss. Seriously don't give him the time of day anymore because it lessens your worth. There are far too many people(good people) in the world to waste your time on someone who can't be mature about the situation.
pteromom Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 We all fear rejection. Of course! But no matter what, in the end he is either going to reject you, or say yes. It's less painful to just go for it, see what happens, and either move forward or move on. Sitting around analyzing everything he says and does, having an emotional reaction to everything that seems hopeful or hopeless, is just a slow drip of crazy. No need to put yourself through that. I am glad you asked him! Has he responded? I hope he says YES, but if he doesn't, know that there is a guy out there who will appreciate you for all you are, and that this guy is the one missing out.
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