Boyfriend in Vegas for Bachelor Party

[ngpgirl]

My boyfriend is in Vegas for a bachelor party (it's his female cousin's fiance's bachelor party). He doesn't know most of the guys there that well since it's mostly the fiance's friends and my boyfriend is mostly there because he's related to the bride. We've been dating for only about 4 months. A month ago, he asked me if I was comfortable with him going and assured me that he loves me and nothing would happen. I appreciated that he asked, but felt like I couldn't really say anything except that it's fine for him to go (I think that would be a really jerky move for me to say he couldn't go). I was nervous about it but figured it would be ok.

 

He flew out last night and we've been texting on and off a little. He's pretty frank with me about what's going on there and it doesn't sound like he's doing anything. My problem is that I don't know these guys, but from what my bf is telling me, they sound like creeps. I don't like my bf being in this environment, but there's nothing I can do about it now. I'm just really worried that their behavior will somehow make my bf "jump on the bandwagon" so to speak, especially if he's been drinking. My other concern is that I appreciate he is being honest with me about what's going on, but hearing about it is making me sad/nervous. I don't want to not talk to him while he's there and I don't want him to feel like he has to hide those things from me. Should I just suck it up and try not to be bothered by what I'm hearing in the interest of keeping communication honest and open? I just can't help but picture worse and worse things happening (they've only been there 1 day) and my bf getting caught up in the moment and doing something bad when he tells me the things going on. I feel like it adds to my worry that I have only known my bf for about 4 months and I don't know and haven't met any of the people he is there with.

 

Here's what I've heard so far (and I know they don't sound that bad...maybe?):

The first night, the groom to be and his friends decided to designate my bf as the pretend groom so that they could more easily flirt with girls at the club they were in. I guess typically regular girls in clubs tend to leave the groom alone. My bf was irritated by this because they did not tell him that was the plan. I'm also kind of unclear whether maybe my bf was also irritated by this because then he couldn't flirt as much with the girls either.

My bf said that after being at the club until about 3 am, he went back to his room that he was sharing with some of the other guys. When he walked in, one of the guys (not the actual groom, and I don't know if this guy is single or not) was "just finishing up" with a redhead he had met at the club. My bf said he was really tired and just went to sleep, but that later, the girl was poking him in the forehead. He said he accidentally pushed her because he didn't know who it was and thought it was one of the guys messing with him. After this happened, she just left. I have no idea what was going through her head, but I don't really feel great about a situation occurring that would allow some random girl to be touching my bf in bed in the early hours of the morning.

 

Thanks for any advice.

Edited April 25, 2014 by ngpgirl

[Keenly]

If you trust him... you trust him

 

 

That's all there is to it.

 

Can't get mad at him for going now, since you said you were fine with it. Communication might be something you need to work on by the way.

 

 

But trust him. Other guys aren't going to make a loyal man cheat

[Salvatore85]

It doesn't necessarily matter what your boyfriend says because you have no way of proving anything. Don't allow this to consume you because it's going to eat you alive.

[ngpgirl]

Thanks for the advice. I'd have an easier time trusting him I think if knew him longer. Honestly, even though I feel like I love him, knowing someone for 4 months isn't really long enough to really know them. I guess I should have factored this in when giving the ok to go, but I didn't really realize it then.

I also honestly didn't anticipate that it would bother me this much. Obviously, you don't really know how you will feel about something until it happens.

My friend pointed out that if him being on this trip is making me this much of a wreck, he's probably not the right guy for me. Not because either one of us is in the wrong or whatever, but just because our interaction and communication isn't working.

[Noproblem]

Just try to go on your daily life and stop thinking about what he might ir might not be doing.

Let him have fun, at the end of the day. If he cheats, it will show on his face and in (his overally nice or angry behavior= gulit)

 

Stop texting him all the time, and be more mature about it, go have some fun.

 

 

He's in Vegas, you should do some girls night out too!

Edited April 25, 2014 by Noproblem

[Noproblem]

Thanks for the advice. I'd have an easier time trusting him I think if knew him longer. Honestly, even though I feel like I love him, knowing someone for 4 months isn't really long enough to really know them. I guess I should have factored this in when giving the ok to go, but I didn't really realize it then.

I also honestly didn't anticipate that it would bother me this much. Obviously, you don't really know how you will feel about something until it happens.

My friend pointed out that if him being on this trip is making me this much of a wreck, he's probably not the right guy for me. Not because either one of us is in the wrong or whatever, but just because our interaction and communication isn't working.

 

You can't help being jealous, but at least you can hide it...

 

Some guys like their girls to be jealous and some think it's suffocating

[ThatMan]

Okay I see what you mean. Sure, maybe he isn't the right guy for you. But on the other hand... If you believe that your interaction and communication between each other isn't working, then you can directly ask him for what it is you need. Why are your communications falling short? Ask him to deliver on whatever is missing and leave the rest to him.

 

Does that make sense?

There are many dates that ask each other if they could possibly community more frequently, in a more straightforward manner, whatever works best for them.

 

There are also some with a level head on their shoulders. You know, those who feel confident and secure with themselves and their choices. These are the sort of people who have no problem walking away when a situation becomes bad, and they can decide for themselves what they want without being pressured. You're right that four months isn't really a long time to learn much about him. But it is still possible that he's not participating in anything indecent.

 

I'd be worried if he continues to associate with sleazeballs, though.

[Smilecharmer]

If your communication isn't working it is because of you and your insecurities, not him. You were the one who acted like you were fine with him going. You need to work on slowing things down and getting to know someone before placing all these expectations on someone else and thinking you love them. Don't assign the word love to a man whom you aren't even sure if you trust. You need to work on your insecurity issues....some people cheat, but being obsessed by that idea and ready to stop a relationship based in just that focus without him doing anything sketchy says more about you than him.

[Standard-Fare]

I think you need to find some ways to distract yourself and stop stressing. Staying glued to your phone and tracking his every move isn't healthy (even if he is the one steering these convos).

 

Make some plans of your own and keep busy. Don't respond immediately to his texts, and don't probe to get more details.

 

As far as the bigger issue of trust -- you're right that four months is a tricky stage for this type of trip. Once you get through this weekend maybe you guys should have a more serious convo about where you're headed. You should admit that you felt uncomfortable with aspects of the Vegas trip.