TylerDurdenn Posted April 25, 2014 Posted April 25, 2014 Realistically I don't see a future for me and my girlfriend due to our LDR. How do you determine whether you have a future together? How much of a compromise/sacrifice are you going to have to make to be together? This is very hard thank you for any advice..
Black Knight Posted April 25, 2014 Posted April 25, 2014 This is a hard question to answer when dealing with an LDR. Can it really work is a hard question to answer when so many variables are involved with the LDR, such as, distance, communication, and the willingness to put forth the effort which is more taxing than a relationship that is local. You can only have a future if the two participants are willing to put forth the effort to keep the LDR alive and going. Reality will come in and tell you that it won't work for the following reasons. The distance, the communication, and the effort that must be engaged in a LDR. When dealing with relationships we seek the human contact from seeing the person, speaking with the person and touching the person. The main elements are not there, the touch and seeing the person so in my opinion it is very difficult to pull off. Compromising and sacrificing becomes more of a burden than willingness to keep going. Take my advice I tried it and it doesn't work it is too difficult. Find someone local or that is not too far away to see.
HeavenOrHell Posted April 25, 2014 Posted April 25, 2014 I don't with mine either realistically as neither us can/will move, been doing it for 4 years now. Neither of us is adaptable or confident enough to move countries etc etc. We did have a future as he wanted to move over within our first 2 years but then got cold feet (I guess), and then little by little we didn't have a future. We've kept going because we enjoy our closeness, daily contact and visits, but it will end this year if we can't change anything. It gets boring if you've no plans to be together. Sorry I've no helpful advice, hopefully some others can offer it Wishing you luck. Realistically I don't see a future for me and my girlfriend due to our LDR. How do you determine whether you have a future together? How much of a compromise/sacrifice are you going to have to make to be together? This is very hard thank you for any advice..
d0nnivain Posted April 25, 2014 Posted April 25, 2014 It dpends on the reason you don't see a future. If you have relationship issues & aren't compatible, there's no sense in going through all it takes to maintain an LDR. If geography is the only real problem or at least the root of the other problems, how realistic is it to over come that? If you have no meaningful chance of being together, there is no sense in continuing.
Cakess Posted April 25, 2014 Posted April 25, 2014 Right now I'm in a LDR with my boyfriend and we struggle a lot with it. Phone calls and texts never seem to get the real emotional part of it that we long for when we're next to each other, and often we're busy and so it's hard to find time. Plus, the cost of traveling just seems to keep going up. I've become convinced a few months ago that we have a great relationship and we love each other, but we are just not meant to be in a LDR at this stage. And it's okay to say that. I'm transferring schools close to him and we plan to start stacking up money and eventually move in together. I think closing the distance between us is the healthiest decision we've made for our relationship thus far.
TAV Posted April 25, 2014 Posted April 25, 2014 Judging by your other thread and what you.said about your girlfriend's immigration/deportation problems and how they weren't your problem, plus the fact that you mentioned that you'd never want to visit her home country, I'd say you start out with a lack of commitment that does not mean much good for a future LDR.
Author TylerDurdenn Posted April 26, 2014 Author Posted April 26, 2014 Judging by your other thread and what you.said about your girlfriend's immigration/deportation problems and how they weren't your problem, plus the fact that you mentioned that you'd never want to visit her home country, I'd say you start out with a lack of commitment that does not mean much good for a future LDR. I don't know what I've done to you but your posts seem to be very harsh towards me. She wasn't my girlfriend when she was deported, and when my own personal safety comes into the equation of visiting her home country then it's an immediate no. She is fully aware of the problems in her country/state and isn't keen on me visiting either. I would absolutely love her to come and live with me but it's not as easy as that and I don't think it ever will be (unless we were to marry). There doesn't seem to be a halfway point..
Ophelia27 Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 I moved to America from Europe to be with my LDR. We are married now and happy. Thanks to the distance and the daily talks we managed to really get to know each other. (We met on xbox) It can work as long as both parties are commited to the relationship. 1
Pyro Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 It can work as long as both parties are commited to the relationship. Simply put. I don't think that I was the norm but my LDR was not difficult. Sure I missed her plenty but I knew that it would build towards something LT and it did. Patience is key. 2
LittleTiger Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 Simply put. I don't think that I was the norm but my LDR was not difficult. Sure I missed her plenty but I knew that it would build towards something LT and it did. Patience is key. I agree. Kiwi man and I have been LDR for four and a half years. We've had a few rough patches, the same as most normal couples, but our relationship is great. We're happy and fully committed to one another and, although it's not ideal, we wouldn't describe the distance as 'difficult'. It's actually a lot easier now than it was in the beginning. I think, if the other person is special enough, you'll find a way to make it work.
TAV Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 Rd. I don't know what I've done to you but your posts seem to be very harsh towards me. She wasn't my girlfriend when she was deported, and when my own personal safety comes into the equation of visiting her home country then it's an immediate no. She is fully aware of the problems in her country/state and isn't keen on me visiting either. I would absolutely love her to come and live with me but it's not as easy as that and I don't think it ever will be (unless we were to marry). There doesn't seem to be a halfway point.. I'm not being harsh. I was merely quoting you and being straightforward; its what people do here, I'm not here to be your friend. Apart from the deportation thread I do not know anything about your relationship so that is all I have to answer your question if you should start an LDR since, as you said, they are hard. She was not your gf when she got deported? So you are together a month or so? 1
LittleTiger Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 Rd. I'm not being harsh. I was merely quoting you and being straightforward; its what people do here, I'm not here to be your friend. Apart from the deportation thread I do not know anything about your relationship so that is all I have to answer your question if you should start an LDR since, as you said, they are hard. She was not your gf when she got deported? So you are together a month or so? I must admit, I'm confused myself. Wasn't this girl a student in the UK before her holiday? Doesn't she have a course to return to in the UK - assuming she is granted a visa? What's happening about her visa? Has she reapplied? How long can she legally stay in the UK on the visa she's applying for? Are you saying that you have only started a relationship since she left England? Unless she's planning to come back fairly soon, I would say there is no point in continuing - especially if you can't go to visit her. 1
HeavenOrHell Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 Mine's difficult because we have no plans for the future, it kills things bit by bit, especially if your partner isn't the type to open up, and isn't expressive when you're apart.
HeavenOrHell Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 Unfortunately being special enough doesn't necessarily mean it will work out. I wish! I agree. Kiwi man and I have been LDR for four and a half years. We've had a few rough patches, the same as most normal couples, but our relationship is great. We're happy and fully committed to one another and, although it's not ideal, we wouldn't describe the distance as 'difficult'. It's actually a lot easier now than it was in the beginning. I think, if the other person is special enough, you'll find a way to make it work.
d0nnivain Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 The minute the government throws up immigration road blocks, things are pretty much hopeless. I understand you are not willing to go to her country because you have safety concerns. If both of your countries are out, nothing is left so what are you hanging on to? With no realistic oppportunity to be together, this is clearly one of those situations where love or attraction alone will never be enough.
Author TylerDurdenn Posted April 26, 2014 Author Posted April 26, 2014 The minute the government throws up immigration road blocks, things are pretty much hopeless. I understand you are not willing to go to her country because you have safety concerns. If both of your countries are out, nothing is left so what are you hanging on to? With no realistic oppportunity to be together, this is clearly one of those situations where love or attraction alone will never be enough. Thanks, pretty much my thoughts. She made her state sound relatively safe, this source suggest otherwise- Borderland Beat: ?If there?s anything democratic in Morelos, it?s kidnapping?; Even The 99 Percent Get Kidnapped In Mexico http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-TRNDZnooHLc/T5BpRJ6cD0I/AAAAAAAAAQ8/-7trNnS3Bo0/s400/bannatyne-620x349.jpg
nomadic_butterfly Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 Unless you have a job that allows you to frequent the location of your partner (i.e. military, flight attendant, executive, etc.) there is absolutely no point in LDR if you can't see a future. If you did see a future, it's likely you will have an end date and compromised location where the two of you will settle within a REASONABLE amount of time (as determined by both parties). No point in that kind of torture when you can just date local.
Els Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 Before you go down this road why not just wait and see whether the government allows her to come back for her studies or not? If they do the point is moot. One of those bridges that you might want to cross when you come to it. That being said, yes, realistically I think LDRs are hard, and when visa issues are introduced they are even harder. I also know, from experience, that they can be very worth it and doable. 2
Author TylerDurdenn Posted April 27, 2014 Author Posted April 27, 2014 Before you go down this road why not just wait and see whether the government allows her to come back for her studies or not? If they do the point is moot. One of those bridges that you might want to cross when you come to it. That being said, yes, realistically I think LDRs are hard, and when visa issues are introduced they are even harder. I also know, from experience, that they can be very worth it and doable. Her mum won't let her come to England and stay with me as she she hasn't met me (she was staying with her family before). It's unfortunate but I guess it's all just part of life.
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