Talked to my ex on a fake fb account. Feel guilty. ?

[susan1]

We ended almost a year ago and after we ended, he dated my "friend" for a month. He was a jerk towards the end n everyone told me to end it but I didn't...Well we both moved on and tho I know I have NO feelings what so ever for him, I wanted answers since he didn't give me any. He turned so cold after we broke up n it blew for a little bit. I didn't get how you could be with someone so long and then treat them like crap. So I just made a fake facebook to ask n see what he thought about it all.

 

How bad is that? Am I nuts lol? I'll delete the account right away but I thought why not? He's telling me on it that it's still awkward to see me cuz we didn't talk it out n what not haha. We dated over a year n things just got frustrating. I deserved to be treated better (didn't try, was sketchy with another girl, made me do everything n then blamed be for our problems) and because of our relationship, I now know what I want it a guy. So that was a plus. We were younger then and each other's first. I needed a mature relationship n that's just what I'll wait for once I'm done getting through college.

 

I never want to tell him this cause we don't even look at each other in the same direction. You would think after a year it would've ended but it hasn't cause we still have awkward air. But he's a jerk to me so that's his fault he left it like this.

[d0nnivain]

I will never understand people who try to have deep communications on FB especially with someone they have never met.

 

Flip the scenario. If you found out your EX was talking to you via a fake account, you'd be pi$$ed. So why are you playing him?

 

It's over. If you truly have no feelings for him, there should be no need to go through this immature charade. Stop lying to yourself. You aren't over him and you aren't mature enough to have a face to face meaningful discussion with him.

[susan1]

I don't have feelings for him but I just thought why not get an explanation of how he treated me. And I tried being an adult about it but he chose to be immature about it and not even face me.

 

 

And btw, I wouldn't be pissed if I found my ex was talking to me. I'm not "playing" him or doing anything that will hurt him. Just simply wanting answers.

Edited April 25, 2014 by susan1

[KaliLove]

I don't have feelings for him but I just thought why not get an explanation of how he treated me. And I tried being an adult about it but he chose to be immature about it and not even face me.

 

So you thought being immature right back and catfishing him would be the right way to go? Sigh...

 

You obviously feel something for him if you cared enough to go to the trouble of making a fake Facebook page. Look, you sound like you're in high school so I'll give you a break, but just let it go. You guys are young. You'll bounce back pretty quickly. It sucks that he treated you badly but go have some fun and try to forget about it.

[sunny_eyes]

So you thought being immature right back and catfishing him would be the right way to go? Sigh...

 

You obviously feel something for him if you cared enough to go to the trouble of making a fake Facebook page. Look, you sound like you're in high school so I'll give you a break, but just let it go. You guys are young. You'll bounce back pretty quickly. It sucks that he treated you badly but go have some fun and try to forget about it.

 

 

This is such terrible advice. She told you straight up that she doesn't have feelings and yet you claim she does like you know her or met her. Take it for what it is. Some people just need answers and I guess the person who doesn't want to five them is controlling. They withhold answers lest the other person can move on much better than the man in this case. Some guys have huge egos so they feel great when a girl pines for him. They will mostly likely five you the answers when you're married or when they know there's know chance that you want them back

[KaliLove]

This is such terrible advice. She told you straight up that she doesn't have feelings and yet you claim she does like you know her or met her. Take it for what it is. Some people just need answers and I guess the person who doesn't want to five them is controlling. They withhold answers lest the other person can move on much better than the man in this case. Some guys have huge egos so they feel great when a girl pines for him. They will mostly likely five you the answers when you're married or when they know there's know chance that you want them back

 

Do you always believe everything everyone tells you without examining context? Ok..then I am Angelina Jolie.

 

I straight up told you that I'm Angelina Jolie, so it must be true, right?

 

I told her to stop cyberstalking this guy, who will never give her any answers about anything anyway, and move on. Please tell me what part of that advice is bad and what you would advise instead.

 

If you don't care about them, you don't stalk them. End of story.

[MidwestUSA]

This is such terrible advice. She told you straight up that she doesn't have feelings and yet you claim she does like you know her or met her. Take it for what it is.

 

Actions >>> Words. It's a pretty good rule of thumb.

 

 

Question, what is fiving? 'Five them', 'five you the answers'.

[susan1]

I'm not going to try to prove I don't have feelings for him to you guys because I know I don't n that's all that matters. I just thought why not finally get an answer to why he was such a douche. I wanted advice n you all just say I'm a freaking stalker who isn't over him. Great. It's bad enough living with this secret. Way to make me feel worse than I do. Curiosity got the best of me and I guess I'll just forget I ever did it. I watched him date my friend and did nothing. It sucked but I got over it last year. How's that for having feelings for someone?

 

I'm 19 and he's a senior in high school btw...

 

And he meant give @MidwestUSA. lol

[KaliLove]

I'm not going to try to prove I don't have feelings for him to you guys because I know I don't n that's all that matters. I just thought why not finally get an answer to why he was such a douche. I wanted advice n you all just say I'm a freaking stalker who isn't over him. Great. It's bad enough living with this secret. Way to make me feel worse than I do. Curiosity got the best of me and I guess I'll just forget I ever did it. I watched him date my friend and did nothing. It sucked but I got over it last year. How's that for having feelings for someone?

 

I'm 19 and he's a senior in high school btw...

 

And he meant give @MidwestUSA. lol

 

Nobody said you weren't over him. But if you didn't care, you wouldn't stalk him on Facebook, so no, I don't believe you that you don't care about him at all. As Midwest said, actions speak louder than words and your actions say you care. (By the way, she was teasing..she knew what the other poster meant).

 

Just delete the account, stop talking to him, and put it all behind you. You didn't murder anyone. It's not that big a deal.

 

You're 19..go out and have some fun.

[mtnbiker3000]

Hahaha. We'll all say it. It is so blatantly obvious you are NOT over him because of one reason. Someone who is over their ex simply would not do what you have described. I think you just don't even realize you're not over him. You probably think you are... but you're not!!!

 

The only way you can start to move on and heal from this is to come to terms with some truths. First one being you still have many unresolved feelings at play...

 

The rest of the ridiculous bantering in this thread is pointless.

 

BTW - Welcome to LS

[sunny_eyes]

Hahaha. We'll all say it. It is so blatantly obvious you are NOT over him because of one reason. Someone who is over their ex simply would not do what you have described. I think you just don't even realize you're not over him. You probably think you are... but you're not!!!

 

The only way you can start to move on and heal from this is to come to terms with some truths. First one being you still have many unresolved feelings at play...

 

The rest of the ridiculous bantering in this thread is pointless.

 

BTW - Welcome to LS

 

She wants answers but she has gone the wrong way about doing it that's all. Stalking is wrong. Contacting someone in an appropriate way, if needed at ALL should be the right way

[Elle1975]

I'm a bit off track here but here is my thought.. a lot of dumpers start NC as well after a break up. They don't contact us, send the calls to voice mail, are emotionally distant, etc.. It's a lot to get over after months or years spent with this person.

 

I personally wouldn't bother trying to cheat someone into giving me answers. But that's just me. At the end of the day, they just don't want to be with the people they dumped. It's probably even more confusing to get an answer sometimes, because most of the time, it's half the truth.

[mtnbiker3000]

She wants answers but she has gone the wrong way about doing it that's all. Stalking is wrong. Contacting someone in an appropriate way, if needed at ALL should be the right way

 

Look we ALL want answers and very few of us get them... from our ex. Besides, anything an ex tells you, just leads to more questions, confusion and pain!!

 

Answers and closure come from within. That's it. Plain and simple. The sooner the OP realizes this, the sooner she can truly start to move on and heal and... be over her ex.

[sunny_eyes]

Look we ALL want answers and very few of us get them... from our ex. Besides, anything and ex tells you, just leads to more questions, confusion and pain!!

 

Answers and closure come from within. That's it. Plain and simple. The sooner the OP realizes this, the sooner she can truly start to move on and heal and... be over her ex.

 

 

That's much better advice at least.

 

I'm against the quality of answers here. Some are just pathetic.

[susan1]

I don't have feelings, but I do admit I have past anger/questions from it that I thought I could get answered. I just wanted closure on what the crap happened. A lot happened and he even admitted he should've talked it out cause it's still awkward between us. I just wanted to hear the unspoken words..I'm a people pleaser and knowing someone has something against me sucks. But I just deleted the account. Still feel guilty for even doin it.

[Elle1975]

I hate to say it, but if you deleted the account, he'll probably figure out it was you. I know because someone messaged me on a fake account once and I saw right through it..

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

That's much better advice at least.

 

I'm against the quality of answers here. Some are just pathetic.

 

So you claim that LS is not a battlefield YET you then call out the quality of answers here and how some are pathetic. That makes sense.

 

Answers dont come from anyone else. They come from you and you alone. Thats a answer you see on here a lot and its helped a LOT of people from going through the same mistakes as the OP has. Maybe be on here for more than six post and bashing others and you MIGHT see that.

[mtnbiker3000]

I don't have feelings, but I do admit I have past anger/questions from it that I thought I could get answered. I just wanted closure on what the crap happened. A lot happened and he even admitted he should've talked it out cause it's still awkward between us. I just wanted to hear the unspoken words..I'm a people pleaser and knowing someone has something against me sucks. But I just deleted the account. Still feel guilty for even doin it.

 

 

Not to sound harsh, but the more I read your posts, the more it sounds like you have some personal issues to work through, for example:

 

"I'm a people pleaser,and knowing someone has something against me sucks" are both classic tell-tale signs of moderate to severe low self esteem.

 

Luckily you are still very young and if you take this opportunity to work on your own issues rather than spending 1 more second thinking about the ex, you will be way ahead of the game for you next RS.

[MidwestUSA]

That's much better advice at least.

 

I'm against the quality of answers here. Some are just pathetic.

 

Are you the OP, or one of her puppets? Because frankly, she would have gotten advice here just fine had your hostile attitude not been injected.

 

 

She's communicating with us; you're just attacking.

[susan1]

I just feel bad when someone has some beef towards me but I just gotta remember their opinions of me don't matter. My value/worth doesn't lessen if someone can't see it. I also hate making someone feel bad/delivering bad news lol. Well I'm done here and I'll try to forget I even did this. Somewhat thanks for the help people.

[KaliLove]

I just feel bad when someone has some beef towards me but I just gotta remember their opinions of me don't matter. My value/worth doesn't lessen if someone can't see it. I also hate making someone feel bad/delivering bad news lol. Well I'm done here and I'll try to forget I even did this. Somewhat thanks for the help people.

 

Good! That's what we've been saying. Just forget about it and move on. Good luck!

[MidwestUSA]

I just feel bad when someone has some beef towards me but I just gotta remember their opinions of me don't matter. My value/worth doesn't lessen if someone can't see it. I also hate making someone feel bad/delivering bad news lol. Well I'm done here and I'll try to forget I even did this. Somewhat thanks for the help people.

 

You don't have to forget. Just don't do it in the future.

 

Live and learn. You now know what you DON'T want I a relationship!

 

Good luck!

[PinkSapphire]

Honestly, OP, what you did is no big deal. It's embarrassing, sure, and we've all been there. You are young enough that this may be your first BU and if so, I applaud you. It's tough dealing with the first one, losing a partner like that is like grieving a death or other significant loss. In our culture here in the West, we aren't taught or provided with the emotional toolbox to navigate this in a mature way so for a lot of us it's live and learn, by trial and error.

I wrote so many embarrassing emails after the end of my first relationship; luckily, I saved most of them as drafts, implementing a rule to sleep on it first before sending anything. Things look different a later, luckily

 

It's not easy, and our emotions go a little crazy; I was sad a lot, bargaining with myself and then with "him" in email drafts and journals. It took me longer than I wanted it to to get over it, and unfortunately no amount of wishing you were done, declaring it, or distracting yourself will make that true. Those things help, but really, it happens when it happens. Time is the most important thing. Also, self-improvement and distraction will help ease the grieving time but probably won't shorten it.

 

Obviously, pretending to be someone else to get answers is not the best way to handle a situation. I personally found more answers on forums like this and googling for behavior I experienced that was confusing and reading others' experiences. That helped the most; our exes are not self aware enough to give us the asnwers we need anyway, and moving on is our personal journey - one they cannot join us for. What you did doesn't make you a bad person, but it does make you seem a little obsessed and crazy (like we all feel after a BU). Don't feel badly about it, but put it behind you. Vow to not do it again, because your dignity is important and you will be moving on with yourself so need to keep your self-respect intact, and focus on your life and your well being. ALso, don't beat yourself up for not being over him yet (you aren't) but keep on the journey. You will get there, and if you're lucky, you will grow a bit and learn a thing or two about yourself along the way. That's the bright side of break-ups.

 

Ignore the negative posters here; you are young and learning to navigate these new painful feelings. Be well and embrace this new experience, even though it's mostly painful and tough right now. It won't last forever adn soon, you won't even remember what this felt like; cherish it

[No Limit]

The fact that people are more trusting and honest to strangers in the Internet than to people in their real lives is weird. And just shows how pathetic your ex is, though I think that's clear when you consider his behavior after the breakup.

 

Delete the account and forget about it. He doesn't need to know any of this either.

[RoseMadder]

That's much better advice at least.

 

I'm against the quality of answers here. Some are just pathetic.

 

You're on a forum getting advice from people who've taken time out of their day to try and help a complete stranger. There's absolutely no reason to attack them because you don't like the answer they give, sometimes you have to hear things you don't like to make you evaluate the situation from a different angle.

 

susan1/sunny_eyes I suggest you take the advice you've been given and have a long hard look at your behaviour, if it was someone else who'd gone to the trouble to create a fake FB account to talk to an ex would you think that person had truly moved on? People can only advise you based on the information you give them, I think it's very rational to assume, based on your own words, that you still have feelings (good or bad) for your ex.

 

Regarding your dilemma I suggest you stop beating yourself up, you made a mistake, accept it, move on and learn from it. Sometimes you don't get answers, that's life, if your ex couldn't be honest with you he's not going to be honest with a stranger on FB.

 

I think you've probably got some growing up to do before you get into another serious RS, creating fake profiles on FB and LS are not the actions of a mature person.

 

Good luck.