How do you get guys to look after you/buy you gifts?

[madgirl1991]

Note: I am not asking this for selfish reasons, rather to satisfy my curiousity.

 

Ladies who have ever lived with a man who paid the rent, had a man buy you expensive presents or take you on holidays, or had a man say he is willing to support you BEFORE marriage..how did this happen? Did you ask for these things? Hint? Do nice things for the guy first? Givve them really good sex?

 

My boyfriends in my late teens used to want to take care of me. They would show this by buying me little presents, clothes when i couldn't really afford them, and taking me out to nice dinners etc. One guy bought a towel and toothbrush and sweetly said, i want you to feel at home at my place. My place is now our place (even though i didnt live there). Ever since I hit 21 and became single, I feel damn lucky if a guy offers to pick me up or take me to dinner. Guys who i have dated for like a month or two, don't seem interested in taking care of me at all. Its usually me offering to drive, surprising them with gifts etc. Im just curious why some women tend to attract men who want to take care of them and others like me can't?

 

Don't say its the type of person you are dating. Because these guys magically turn into caring spoiling bfs with the next girl after me...

[Philosoraptor]

Is it possible you are giving off the scent of one who wants to be taken care of? As a man I'd rather the gifts be a surprise than a chore.

 

Honestly though I'd say it's your people picker and general acceptance of doing all the work now. You're not standing your ground and the guys you are finding are just letting you take the heavy lifting and reaping the rewards.

[stillafool]

Any man who has taken care of me the way you describe I was married to. A better idea would be to get a really good education and then YOU will be able to buy whatever you want. Having a man buy you things before you have a deep commitment with him is tacky and sends the wrong message.

[iris219]

Old, wealthy, unattractive men will do this for you.

[Keenly]

Why would a guy want to take care of you after a month or two of dating ? You haven't even earned his love yet .

[TigerLilly78]

I would feel uncomfortable with any man showering me with gifts constantly and paying my bills. I don't know it would make me nervous I need to be totally independent to feel secure. If anything im usually the one giving the gifts here and there.

[MissBee]

Note: I am not asking this for selfish reasons, rather to satisfy my curiousity.

 

Ladies who have ever lived with a man who paid the rent, had a man buy you expensive presents or take you on holidays, or had a man say he is willing to support you BEFORE marriage..how did this happen? Did you ask for these things? Hint? Do nice things for the guy first? Givve them really good sex?

 

My boyfriends in my late teens used to want to take care of me. They would show this by buying me little presents, clothes when i couldn't really afford them, and taking me out to nice dinners etc. One guy bought a towel and toothbrush and sweetly said, i want you to feel at home at my place. My place is now our place (even though i didnt live there). Ever since I hit 21 and became single, I feel damn lucky if a guy offers to pick me up or take me to dinner. Guys who i have dated for like a month or two, don't seem interested in taking care of me at all. Its usually me offering to drive, surprising them with gifts etc. Im just curious why some women tend to attract men who want to take care of them and others like me can't?

Don't say its the type of person you are dating. Because these guys magically turn into caring spoiling bfs with the next girl after me...

 

Well if you say it's not them and if they magically transform into caring spoiling bfs after you, then I guess the problem is you?

 

Maybe you're dating men who don't like you all that much?

 

While I don't think you should expect a man to pay your bills and support you, if these guys supposedly do these things for other women but not you, then maybe they don't like you all that much and you're choosing men who aren't that interested and you give them too much so they just accept it and don't feel the need to court you?

 

But they probably have sugar baby forums and such where women have crafted some kind of art to this.

[d0nnivain]

You get a man to want to take care of you by showing that

 

a). you don't need to be taken care of because you are fully capabale of doing it yourself

 

AND

 

b). taking care of him by treating him the way you want to be treated. (you want him to give you little gifts, buy him some).

 

Your only other option is to invent a time machine & travel back to an age when women had to be taken care of because we were denied automony.

[kiss_andmakeup]

The fact that you think there should be some kind of magic formula to this is likely the reason you haven't been getting what you desire. A smart guy can sniff that out from a mile away. Shouldn't your primary concern be that these relationships don't last at all? Obviously you are dating men who are all-around "just not that into you."

 

That aside, why on earth would a guy take care of you after a month or two of dating? Am I missing something? If I was dating a guy for a month or two and he started buying me very expensive gifts, asked me to move in with him, etc...I'd be pretty creeped out. That's not a healthy relationship pace at all. I'd worry he had some kind of attachment or obsession issue.

 

My fiancé does support me, and he does do nice things for me like take me out to nice restaurants and on holidays, but he is my fiance. Additionally, we are lucky that he is successful enough to do those things for me, but I would never expect them. In fact I fought them for a long time, and still to this day I feel uncomfortable about wealth-sharing, so much so that at our first financial planning meeting as a couple I broke out into a sweat. To be honest, talking about his money still makes me very uncomfortable, even though we are months away from being married.

 

I guess I just don't understand your frame of mind at all. I agree with previous posters who thought that this kind of question might be met with better "advice" (or at least the brand of advice you are seeking) in a sugar baby forum.

[GorillaTheater]

Eeeesh.

 

Personally, I already have enough kids to take care of.

[iris219]

Any man who really likes you and has the money to do so will want to take care of you, eventually. There's really no secret to it.

[ThatMan]

Ah okay...

I remember you. You were that person who abused your boyfriend.

 

Usually how this works out is through love bombing: Attracting unsuspecting men from what appears to be a positive mood at a glance, telling them all the wonderful things about themselves that no one else ever did. Love bombing is about being intense as possible, as quickly as possible, and yes that does include giving really good sex for some.

 

These sort of relationships are unhealthy. The only people who instigate these behaviors are fueled by an intense neurotic fear of abandonment. Searching for a parent and not a partner has little room for any love. Being neurotic is nothing remotely similar to love.

 

Not to mention that boundaries are important. Sex is about mutually sharing something. Being sexual for a partner and not yourself is the hallmark of a troubled person who truly struggles with boundaries. Please work on yourself exactly like what some many people have begged you before you ruin more lives.

[Woggle]

I take care of a woman when she does the same for me. Maybe at 21 men are starting to realize that doing this for women is mostly a waste of time and money.