richard66 Posted April 25, 2014 Posted April 25, 2014 I met a girl on holiday and we've been emailing for around two months, sometimes once or twice a day and often very long emails. I met up with her a second time about four weeks ago. We were having sex but it was clear there was some emotional chemistry too, although we weren't sure whether there could be anything possible long-term. I wouldn't say we were boyfriend/girlfriend. Essentially, the word we used was "no strings", which I took to mean we would continue as friends long-distance and if we saw each other again we would see how it went. We thought it unlikely we would ever have a long-term relationship, but couldn't rule it out. However, a few days ago she had issues with something I had written on email about how I was treating the relationship, and she has not responded to my last emails (sent four days ago). Although our emailing had spread out to once every 2-3 days recently, this was an important issue concerning our future and I had several questions over why she had problems with me. It's the first time anything like this had come up. I struggle to believe she would be choosing to want to blank me permanently (especially as there is a strong chance we could bump into each in the same place next year). It's not as if what I had said on email was so bad she would have to cut me off completely. The other possibility (see next paragraph) takes into account that I may have come over as being a bit clingy in my last email. She was saying I needed to move on (which I take to mean she wanted me to start looking for someone else rather than end our friendship) and that her feelings had changed over the past couple of weeks, but I think I gave the impression that I would have trouble moving on. So I think the only other explanation could be that she is delaying a reply to either test out how clingy I am or to help me to move on. The question is, how should I proceed? How long should I leave it before trying to make contact again? If she has decided to totally end all contact then there is little that I can do anyway, so I am working on the premise that this is temporary. I wonder if I should email now to say something along the lines of "don't email me for a few days more as I need time to work things out and this is helping me to go through the process of moving on". A bit of reverse psychology perhaps and showing her that I am not slitting my wrists and that her treatment is working. Or should I just leave it as long as possible? Is there a risk in leaving it more than a week? I really feel she is misunderstanding what I have said and so I want to get that across, which is impossible without communication. So should I send her another long email, explaining as fully as possible how I feel or should I not come over as desperate? Essentially, I want to at least remain as friends and resume the communication for starters and then see whether there is a still a possibility of it being a romantic connection. I knew it would probably end at some point, but for it to end with her blanking me totally is something I wouldn't be expecting and would leave a very sour taste in my mouth. Thanks to anyone out there for your help.
Frank2thepoint Posted April 25, 2014 Posted April 25, 2014 Essentially, I want to at least remain as friends and resume the communication for starters and then see whether there is a still a possibility of it being a romantic connection. I knew it would probably end at some point, but for it to end with her blanking me totally is something I wouldn't be expecting and would leave a very sour taste in my mouth. Don't email her. Wait for her to reply back. Emailing is like tennis, you serve and wait for a return. Real simple. On top of that, if you want to remain friends with her, then just do that. Whenever she responds to your email, just be friendly, jovial, and a little flirtatious. This will establish you as not being clingy. If you email her again before she responds, and explain yourself, then you are being clingy. What was said is done. Learn from your mistakes and keep it going. Also prepare yourself in case she never responds. It can happen. Which means take her advice and do move on emotionally. The fact that she is mentioning it, means she is beginning her journey to move on from you.
ExpatInItaly Posted April 25, 2014 Posted April 25, 2014 First, don't try the reverse psychology bit. It's so transparent and if she has any smarts, she'll see right through it. In other words, it likely won't produce the desired results. You've contacted her; the ball is in her court now. Let her come to you, if she chooses to. Second, don't assume this is all down to your behaviour. If she's told you to move on and that her feelings have changed, listen to her. She could be dating someone now. She could have just decided it's not for her. If the communication were slowing down, it sounds to me as though she was fading out anyway. Having said that, there could be something in the way you communicate that put her off. What exactly did you say in your email? Why do you believe you were coming across as clingy?
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