Jump to content

When banter goes to intellectual discussion with a potential date


While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

  • Author
Posted
She is not going to date you.

 

She has turned that off 'dating bit' and is just debating a subject.

 

That's all.

 

How far back should I have realized this? What should I have done to prevent this from happening again?

Posted
How far back should I have realized this?

When she asked you a personal question about your crazy experience and you avoided answering.

  • Like 1
  • Author
Posted
When she asked you a personal question about your crazy experience and you avoided answering.

 

I told her what my crazy experience was. I didn't expand on it because of the length of my latest response could've been a whole chapter from a book. This was also in my latest message to her.

 

I'm not going to pursue her any longer. I truly thought things were going well. Another notch on the learning mistake tree.

 

Thank you for your insight to this, everyone.

Posted

But who are we to know?

 

We can only make assumptions...

 

They make an ass................ :)

Posted

well you don't know if you don't try these things, its all about taking risks. i've had some funny experiences where I've had good conversations going that didn't lead to anything.

Posted
I think I'm stupid. I may have bored her to death with analysing the book lol.

 

She did all caps 'PLEASE' in asking me to talk about the crazy adventure I had.

 

Oh boy.

 

I just read that as she really wants to know about the crazy adventure.... not that she was bored with the book conversation.

 

For me, all your intellectual discussion would be a turn-on, as long as it was a mutual conversation and not just you blabbing on and on without engaging me in the discussion.

 

However - over-analyzing messages and picking apart everything she says or does is a huge turn-off. I see you asked her to meet? Did she respond at all? If not, I can see giving up, but I wouldn't give up on someone you had an obvious connection with unless you get a VERY clear signal that she isn't interested.

 

Be confident in who you are, and realize you have a lot to offer someone. If she doesn't respond, it is her loss.

Posted
I told her what my crazy experience was. I didn't expand on it because of the length of my latest response could've been a whole chapter from a book. This was also in my latest message to her.

 

I'm not going to pursue her any longer. I truly thought things were going well. Another notch on the learning mistake tree.

 

Thank you for your insight to this, everyone.

 

She is an intellectual girl and needs a guy capable of being a match. It sounds like you are. Debating and discussing the book is good, but of course you want to get to know her on a personal level too. What is wrong with saying that in your messages?

 

I like an intellectual guy but someone who can be flexible and not just intellectual or the dreaded 'basic' guy who isn't capable of discussing anything other than sports and sex. It doesn't mean you are friendzoned or anything. It sounds good news to me. I think you just need to introduce the personal element gradually so that she gets used to the change. She probably wants to see if you want more than intellectual chat too, but not so fast that you are relegated to the same level as the morons who have chatted to her before.

Posted

If your story was too long to type that would have been a perfect opportunity to say, "I'll save that for a phone call or first date."

  • Like 1
  • Author
Posted

No response from her with the message to meet with me, so I'll just take it that GemmaUK was right.

 

I think I may have gone overkill with the book when it was supposed to segue into me asking her out. Each woman is different after all.

 

At this point I don't think I'll go through with the story until she confirms whether or not she wants to meet with me. The ball was in her court and I'm not going to spend any more time wondering if she'll respond.

 

I'll write a quick message thanking her for the conversation but I won't expect anything from her. Best to end what little we had graciously.

Posted

Don't message her again if she ignored you. There's always a chance she might get back around to you again at some point but double messaging her will just drive the final nail in the coffin.

  • Like 4
Posted

Sounds like the perfect recipe for a relationship! Depending on what kind of person both of you are, intellectual stimulation may be just as important as other critical factors.

 

She wouldn't be talking to you if she didn't find you interesting on some level- especially if you're giving long replies about an intellectual topic. Ask her on a date and see how she responds.

  • Author
Posted
Don't message her again if she ignored you. There's always a chance she might get back around to you again at some point but double messaging her will just drive the final nail in the coffin.

 

Got it. I will wait for her response.

  • Author
Posted

Turns out the girl was online today and I haven't heard back. Oh wells.

Posted
I told her what my crazy experience was. I didn't expand on it because of the length of my latest response could've been a whole chapter from a book. This was also in my latest message to her.

 

'I'd love to tell you over lunch'

 

Avoid the keyboard romeo/princess stuff. Press flesh. Have the intellectual conversations while sharing a dessert and looking in each other's eyes. This one's a dry hole. There was oil but your rig missed. Better luck next time.

  • Author
Posted
'I'd love to tell you over lunch'

 

Avoid the keyboard romeo/princess stuff. Press flesh. Have the intellectual conversations while sharing a dessert and looking in each other's eyes. This one's a dry hole. There was oil but your rig missed. Better luck next time.

 

At what point should I have asked her out?

Posted

At any point the 'conversation' got 'complex'. At minimum, move it to aural. This presumes you really want to date the lady.

  • Like 1
  • Author
Posted
When she wrote you back.

 

You do realize that since Man and Woman have walked the face of the earth the Man walked up to attractive woman and either clubbed her and dragged her back to the cave or asked her out. She didn't have a profile and he didn't know a thing about her except that she was attractive and looked like a happy and fun person. That has worked very very well for thousands of years... Why do you insist on deviating from it?

 

Stop spending days, weeks, months being "Pen Pals" and jumping through a million hoops trying to convince someone to go out with you. Not the mention, you or her probably took some "liberties" on your profiles and with your pictures anyway. For all you know, you were being "catfished" and the guy was wanting to learn how to talk with girls and using you as a guinea pig.

 

It's a dating site and people are even paying money to be asked out. Next time, less "Pen Pal" and more asking out.

 

Funny thing is that I mentioned I didn't want to be pen pals in my first reply, and that it was easier to meet in person. That was my first red flag.

 

Thanks for the insight. I'm still a bit green on the scene.

Posted
Who knows. Maybe she finds it sexy that you can hold intellectual conversations with her. If you find it too impersonal, change the topic once in awhile and see what happens. I think you should just ask her out on a date and see what's it like in person.

 

I agree.

 

I would absolutely LOVE this! However, I do get the worry that maybe it is just an intellectual exercise and she may not be romantically interested...but why can't you switch gears? You can take the opportunity to shift the conversation or even suggest discussing it further over lunch/coffee/drinks/dinner.

 

I would so very much take a man up on that and would at least know we'd have something to talk about even if I didn't end up liking him. So I'd switch gears and use her appreciation for your intellect to see if it can progress into more.

  • Like 1
Posted

I think GemmaUK's take on this is correct...she lost interest in you (if it was even there in the first place) and you were merely someone to converse and debate with to pass the time, nothing more. And she probably wasn't looking for anything serious anyway.

 

When an intellectual is interested in someone and talking to him or her (online, on the phone or face-to-face)...the conversation may turn to deep or complex topics, BUT the conversation still manages to be occasionally flirty and/or humorous.

  • Like 1
×
×
  • Create New...